Why does he feel like he has to entertain me?

[ihaveaquestion]

Hey, I have been hanging out with a guy and he has expressed that he thinks we have something special and he would like to be committed to me in a relationship and he would like for me to be comfy just hanging around his place...

but lately when I do go there he feels like he needs to entertain me...so I feel like I am cramping his comfort/style/schedule...

he says he wants me around but I can just TELL that I feel like a burden sometimes...like he feels bad if I come over and he wants to play a single person video game...etc. And I don't care if he does that...I can do my own thing...I just enjoy the company...but maybe I am hanging around too much too soon?

how do I hang out at his place without him feeling like I need him to entertain me or keep me happy? do I need to start washing the dishes or doing laundry so I look at home?, haha do I bring a book and read? what do other girls do when they go hang out just to hang out?

I feel like I made a past boyfriend feel this same way and I don't know what it is about me (or them?) that makes this happen. any advice?

[basilandthyme]

Isn't the whole point of hanging out with someone the act of doing stuff together? Watch TV together, cook, eat, drink, cuddle, talk, game...whatever. But there's no sense in hanging out with someone if you're both doing your own thing. (of course it is different if you live together)

What do you mean by him *entertaining* you? You make it sound like he's going to some great effort over and above just spending time with you. Is this interpretation correct? Has he told you that you're a burden? If not, why do you think you are a burden?

Unless there's info you've omitted, I think the only problem is that you're over thinking.

[ihaveaquestion]

An example: we had plans to hang out the other night and he didn't respond when I asked him when I should come over and a couple of hours later I sent him another message and he responded that sorry he had gotten wrapped up in a game but that he wants me around and that the ideal is that I will just pop in and hang out and stay over (I haven't slept over...yet?) but he also said that he wasn't sure (if I came over), "what I wanted to do." ...go get dinner...etc etc. So basically I think he really just wanted to play his game alone that night but says he wants me around but clearly ignored me for a few hours as if procrastinating to postpone my arrival...

So I didn't go over that night. As much as he said I was welcome I felt like I understood that he wanted...needed... alone time. I think we've been keeping each other up too late and putting aside our normal routine for each other and maybe too much of that is unhealthy. So I started getting back into my own routine the past couple of nights. He said he wants to make plans and he is sorry and asked me not to be angry. I'm not angry. I was disappointed and realized maybe I had gotten a little too attached too quickly to our new routine but I'm not angry.

[basilandthyme]

That first paragraph you wrote - there's a lot of assuming being done by you. For example; Not being sure what he wants to do yet could also be him happy to make plans with you when you arrived. I know he took a while to respond to your message, but how late did he finally contact you? Was it so late that the evening was ruined?

And having some quiet time to himself before spending time with you is perfectly reasonable. I can't see any reason to assume he wanted the whole night to himself.

[ihaveaquestion]

Oh, that may have been confusing. He said he wasn't sure what I (me) wanted to doif I went over. He did end up telling me to come on over but I felt like he was caving in just to be nice. We could have hung out for an hour or two...

And good point about the quiet time...I took a nice long bath after work before I was ready to go over to his house. Maybe he and I are similar (I think we both have people pleaser personalities...and I havent dated that type often...if ever) and I think I can read between the lines and want to respect his alone time.

[basilandthyme]

Careful about being too much of a pleaser - guys can get really bored by that. Don't be afraid to assert yourself