Insane solution to sexless relationship

[Daffy]

So, my woman of 15 years says she doesn't see me that way anymore. I did the logical thing and tried to walk, but it turned into a big fight, she didn't want me to go. It broke my heart, the way she was talking about being without me, I just couldn't do it.

So I said I'd stay as a friend, just no more cuddling or touching and we would fully be just friends, as a temporary solution. Nope. She got really upset about that. Said I was being "punitive".

She won't tell me what the problem is, either. Communication is definitely not her strong suit ... for a woman her age, it's pretty bad. I am operating completely in the dark, and apparently she doesn't really care enough to even explain herself.

So I tried to just roll with it, you know, see what happens. Did the movie night and the cuddling, tried being romantic. Well, she had fun. Then, when I took a little initiative (very mild) she shot me down and left me dealing with the erection.

It's like every possible solution, no matter how reasonable or mature or realistic, just gets shot down. It's been going on for years now, it's getting positively inhuman.

So I had this crazy idea. It seems like, as things stand, she doesn't have sufficient motivation to do anything about the problem, and she's blocking me from any solution because the present situation suits her. But why should it be only me who has to deal with the erection? I'm going to get naked whenever I get one. I won't do anything, I won't creep on her all naked lol, but it will be there, bobbing around, and she'll have to suffer some of the awkward consequences of her decisions too. I will get naked for every cuddle, every hug - then she might go for the friends idea and stop causing me grief. Sometimes I think I'll just get naked and do whatever I'm doing, I mean, a willing, naked, good looking guy doing the dishes should get any woman out of her shell, right?

Or, she'll be horrified, and she won't be able to deal with it, and the inevitable breakup will be allowed to happen without all the resistance. That's ok too since it's preventing me from having a healthy relationship and life is short. It seems like anything is better than the present, unacceptable situation.

Is this a crazy plan that can't work or is it completely awesome? Keeping in mind that *any* resolution is preferable to this ridiculous impasse. I just need her to budge, one way or another. She's become too comfortable. Female opinion would be especially instructive here.

[basilandthyme]

Daffy, you seem to be operating under the illusion that you need her permission to leave. But you don't need her permission or blessing. Forget this stupid idea of running around naked and just end things. Yes, she will get upset...but that ceased being your problem when she stopped being a lover to you.

[Daffy]

Daffy, you seem to be operating under the illusion that you need her permission to leave. But you don't need her permission or blessing. Forget this stupid idea of running around naked and just end things. Yes, she will get upset...but that ceased being your problem when she stopped being a lover to you.

Well no, its hard to explain something so complicated in a single post; I simplified it. Here's a bit more detail. I didn't just agree to stay. I agreed to work on things for a limited time, there's a date marked on the calendar, and if there hasn't been an improvement in communication and effort before then, I'm gone - the arrangements are already made. I'm in my 40s, this is old hat, what you're saying.

The thing is ... we are stuck living together, for financial reasons, for at least a few months. So nothing ceases being my problem for a while. Not so simple, I'm afraid. Trust me, I wish that it were.

Those details aren't really relevant to the feedback I'm looking for, so I didn't include them. I'm not looking for input on staying or going - I didn't ask for advice about that. The whole situation is complicated and private, and it's sorted to my satisfaction. The breakup is on a deadman switch of sorts, but it's always nice to be on the same page when it happens (just as it's always nice to be able to fix things). As things stand, she won't budge, so she will get railroaded, and that's a shame (I think, anyway).

So, I'm looking, specifically, for feedback on my idea ... nothing else.

[vashti]

So, I'm looking, specifically, for feedback on my idea ... nothing else.

It's a great idea, if you want to appear psychotic.

[Daffy]

It's a great idea, if you want to appear psychotic.

The best I could manage there is to appear to be trying to appear psychotic. After 15 years together, everybody sees right through stuff like that.

But I was looking for a reflexive hostility to the idea from women (it's really just natural, folks, especially in your own home) and it seems I've hit the right nerve. I think this is guaranteed to dislodge her in one direction or the other.

[basilandthyme]

But I was looking for a reflexive hostility to the idea from women (it's really just natural, folks, especially in your own home) and it seems I've hit the right nerve. I think this is guaranteed to dislodge her in one direction or the other.

And I'm starting to see why she won't sleep with you.

[dem862]

I think she will just ignore you. Your relationship is over.

[chinagirl]

It would totally gross me out if I saw my BF walking naked all the time at home. It would even be more disgusting to see him cooking or doing the dishes naked. Oh, nasty!!!

[hatesthis]

If she doesn't see you that way anymore she probably no longer loves you because she lost her sexual attraction to you.. so why even bother getting naked to expose your hardons to her she won't care, you already know this. Wonder why she didn't want you to leave.. do you pay half the rent or more? is it for monetary reasons if that is the only reason she is keeping you there she is using you and I think you should move out 1st chance you have preferably while she works and if you want to continue to work on your relationship problems do so from separate locations not living together since she has froze you out already.

Ok went back just now and read your second post it is more money reasons she begged you not to go go anyhow let her get another in there to pay your share.

She won't care about your idea if she isn't sexually attracted to you any more. She'll walk away and ignore you and your erection.

[michelle23]

Why is everything on her terms? Why not just move into the spare room, stay out late with friends, ignore her, be distant and aloof. See if that gets her attention? She has to lose you to realize what she has lost. Make sense?

Stop kissing her ass.

And that would just be degrading and humiliating (getting naked). Bad idea

[Wakeup]

I say go for it Daffy. Fk her and the horse she rode in on. Post pics so we can see her reaction.

[Exeter19]

daffy, she won't give a shit if you do that. just bring another hot chick in that you are attracted to get naked and **** that woman instead basically you and your roomie are only that roomies so move on in front of her if she doesn't care she shouldn't be hurt, right?

[Daffy]

Crisis averted ;D

Thanks for the encouragement, you guys are great

[hatesthis]

How was it averted, Daffy?

[Daffy]

How was it averted, Daffy?

Audentes fortuna iuvat. It was a supremely excellent idea. A little vulnerability plus a bit of confidence and a fun attitude goes a long way!

Better than being cynical, hateful, adversarial, and hurtful. Those were dumb ideas. You can't fix anything by hurting or deliberately neglecting someone. What's wrong with people around here?