I Made A Huge Mistake

[Valixy]

I've gone from a fit n health happy guy to clinically depressed since I met her.

Cross you fingers you don't get diagnosed with clinical depression. It does not discriminate. It can happen to anyone. It's another level of sadness that you can not snap out of. I would not wish it on my worse enemy.

I use to regard myself as a decent respectable & morally honest person. Use to love waking up in the morning.

I don't know your story very well but a loss is a difficult process and some deal with better than others. Lucky them! However some painful experiences tend to open old personal wounds that were not healed properly at the right time. It may seem that you're battling with one single problem when you're actually reconstructing yourself and when you're done with it (because you will soon :-)), you'll be stronger and wiser than many people who never underwent such a complex healing process. Lucky you!

[michelle23]

Its wrong to start a new relationship smiling if you still have feelings for someone else. Did you see the thread the other day where that married man of 5 years said hes been in love with a colleague since before he met his wife.. thats far more abusive and damaging than what searock just said to you. So is cheating and lying

[Valixy]

You're sick!!!

I disagree, china. Her boyfriend's friend was very disrespectful. She is 19 and most probably didn't know what to do...cause a scene...break a friendship...so she put up with it and maybe thst's why she kept quiet.

[chinagirl]

I disagree, china. Her boyfriend's friend was very disrespectful. She is 19 and most probably didn't know what to do...cause a scene...break a friendship...so she put up with it and maybe thst's why she kept quiet.

Valixy, no disrespect to you but if you see this person's threads she is trolling. All her threads are disgusting. I think this person is a pervert!!!

[Valixy]

Valixy, no disrespect to you but if you see this person's threads she is trolling. All her threads are disgusting. I think this person is a pervert!!!

Okay...but we can't know for sure...at least not yet. She might very well be a 19 years old who needs a piece of advice :-) And in that case she wouldn't be disgusting or a pervert, just a confused teenager.

[chinagirl]

Okay...but we can't know for sure...at least not yet. She might very well be a 19 years old who needs a piece of advice :-) And in that case she wouldn't be disgusting or a pervert, just a confused teenager.

You're too nice Val but okay...

[Valixy]

You're too nice Val but okay...

We're all nice with good intentions, China, we may just have different opinions sometimes :-)

[smiling100]

I don't know your story very well but a loss is a difficult process and some deal with better than others. Lucky them! However some painful experiences tend to open old personal wounds that were not healed properly at the right time. It may seem that you're battling with one single problem when you're actually reconstructing yourself and when you're done with it (because you will soon :-)), you'll be stronger and wiser than many people who never underwent such a complex healing process. Lucky you!

Thanks Valixy.

I hope it's soon because it's jut on 6 months now & i'm really over this pain. Thing is after my marriage breakup I was single for 3 years & certainly didn't rush back into a relationship. I was the happiest i've ever been.

I just has this positivity that things will work out & to be patient, there is no rush. Reality is that wasn't the case (I didn't even really have a honeymoon period) & i'm over having to repair my brain again as now I can't really see a relationship working out & i'm obviously jaded about life. I'm just not the person I was anymore & it scares me. I believe i'm a good person, maybe i'm kidding myself? I just don't get how it works. I feel like a failure now.

The way I see things i'm just filling in the time until I die. I saw this great future with this girl & it was just out of my reach. Now I feel it's so far out of reach it's not even a reality. I'm not giving up i'm starting to go back to the gym & get fit (again) i'm just kinda blah blah blah what ever been here done that.

Thing that hurts the most is my honesty was what put me in this situation. I didn't lie or cheat or be unfaithful. Quite the opposite. I've never had suicidal thoughts or been put on medication until now.

[Valixy]

Thanks Valixy.

I hope it's soon because it's jut on 6 months now & i'm really over this pain. Thing is after my marriage breakup I was single for 3 years & certainly didn't rush back into a relationship. I was the happiest i've ever been.

I just has this positivity that things will work out & to be patient, there is no rush. Reality is that wasn't the case (I didn't even really have a honeymoon period) & i'm over having to repair my brain again as now I can't really see a relationship working out & i'm obviously jaded about life. I'm just not the person I was anymore & it scares me. I believe i'm a good person, maybe i'm kidding myself? I just don't get how it works. I feel like a failure now.

The way I see things i'm just filling in the time until I die. I saw this great future with this girl & it was just out of my reach. Now I feel it's so far out of reach it's not even a reality. I'm not giving up i'm starting to go back to the gym & get fit (again) i'm just kinda blah blah blah what ever been here done that.

Thing that hurts the most is my honesty was what put me in this situation. I didn't lie or cheat or be unfaithful. Quite the opposite. I've never had suicidal thoughts or been put on medication until now.

What happened with this girl? Would you mind telling me about it? Sorry I can't follow very well through your old posts.

[chinagirl]

Smiling, maybe the relationship wasn't meant to be. You should not blame your honesty for the break up. Couples break up for different reasons. I am sorry that you felt deeply affected by the lost of your relationship.

There is no shame in feeling depressed and lonely. People go through difficult periods in their lives and also cope differently... But your break up with your ex GF should not affect you views on your future relationship.

I believe that you are a decent guy and you did the right thing for being honest. She was just not strong enough or maybe not prepared to hear from you that you were not over your ex.

I wish you luck in finding your happiness in the future.

[smiling100]

What happened with this girl? Would you mind telling me about it? Sorry I can't follow very well through your old posts.

It's a long story. Briefly I met two women within one month of each other & had instant chemistry with both. They were both clearly interested in me. I knew I had a problem.

In three years of being single I did not meet one woman where there was chemistry between both of us. I found myself in the tricky situation of having to choose one of them because the last thing I wanted to do is date behind their back. The way I think is would you like it if they were doing that to me? Answer is obviously no.

I made a rushed decision & totally confused myself. I found myself regretting my decision & to cut to the chase I ended up with either of them because I told them the truth that I couldn't decide. I wanted both of them?

About 6 months later I was totally over one of them & not over the other one. I chased her & she finally said ok lets try again however in that 6 months she was with someone else & had only jut come out of something. Now the hoe was on the other foot I was clearly into her & she was confused albeit she ended up putting it off with me.

I blame myself for stuffing it up the first time when she was totally into me. It it wasn't for my decision to tell her the truth she would not of met this new guy who she developed feelings for. I just can't see myself meeting anyone on her level again. Now that I got a clear head I cannot even believe I was interested in the other girl as i'm 110% over her.

- - - Updated - - -

I believe that you are a decent guy and you did the right thing for being honest. She was just not strong enough or maybe not prepared to hear from you that you were not over your ex.

She certainly wasn't prepared to hear I wasn't over someone else. I should of just said lets take it slow. Not been so damn honest. I knew I would get over the other girl as it was just physical & we had nothing in common.

[HeartIsAching]

We're all nice with good intentions, China, we may just have different opinions sometimes :-)

Huh... naive too.

[chinagirl]

I disagree, china. Her boyfriend's friend was very disrespectful. She is 19 and most probably didn't know what to do...cause a scene...break a friendship...so she put up with it and maybe thst's why she kept quiet.

By the way, My ex husband and I taught our daughters that if someone touched them inappropriately or made them uncomfortable in any way to tell me and their dad so their dad can beat up the guy or I'll hire someone to beat up the guy... Who cares about causing a scene or breaking a friendship??? Someone uninvitingly touch a girl's breast is totally unacceptable and should not be tolerated.

[michelle23]

Jeez make yer own flipping thread. And stop projecting. You told the truth smiling-you should be f**king proud-not telling the whole world to live a lie because its "easier" than facing the consequences and experiencing a bit of pain. So many weak people. Sometimes I hate this world.

I wish I was a wolf

[smiling100]

I wish you were a wolf too.