What to do when the guy you stops putting in effort..

[jenniferx]

I started seeing this guy about four months ago...we've had sex twice, both times we were pretty drunk. We used to hang out about 2 times a week (we both work and don't live super close). After the second time we had sex, he stopped initiating conversation or asking to hang out. However, when I would initiate something, he would always be responsive.Since I was putting in more effort than he was, I backed off and stopped talking to him...and voila he hasn't tried contacting me. And now I haven't seen or talked to him in a week.

I'm pretty sure he wasn't just in it for sex...it was initiated by me and he never orgasmed (said he couldn't using a condom), and he did seem to have genuine intentions. And I'm always pretty sure he's not gay :p


It's pretty clear to me that he has lost interest/ isn't that into me anymore. But I HATE leaving things left open.. I want to at least know WHY he changed his mind.

How would I go about asking that in a not-so-awkward way? Should I not even bring it up since we weren't 'official'?

[surfhb]

I started seeing this guy about four months ago...we've had sex twice, both times we were pretty drunk. We used to hang out about 2 times a week (we both work and don't live super close). After the second time we had sex, he stopped initiating conversation or asking to hang out. However, when I would initiate something, he would always be responsive.Since I was putting in more effort than he was, I backed off and stopped talking to him...and voila he hasn't tried contacting me. And now I haven't seen or talked to him in a week.

I'm pretty sure he wasn't just in it for sex...it was initiated by me and he never orgasmed (said he couldn't using a condom), and he did seem to have genuine intentions. And I'm always pretty sure he's not gay :p


It's pretty clear to me that he has lost interest/ isn't that into me anymore. But I HATE leaving things left open.. I want to at least know WHY he changed his mind.

How would I go about asking that in a not-so-awkward way? Should I not even bring it up since we weren't 'official'?

Why do you want to know? It doesnt matter anyway. Whatever the reason, he felt you wouldnt be a good match.....or may it was something else.

[jenniferx]

Curiousity? Learning a flaw about myself that I could improve? Feeling closure?

[michelle23]

He probably couldnt cum coz he was drunk. If your looking for a relationship-you should avoid drunk sex-at least the first few times. Theres likely just no chemistry.

You could text him and ask him straight why he stopped communicating. Has he lost interest? And just say you dont want to leave things wide open so you would just prefer a blunt yes or no.. you have nothing to lose

[surfhb]

I wouldn't look as if you have any flaws. He just didn't feel you two were compatible

This doesn't mean you're flawed

[dem862]

The rule of relationships is that anyone can leave any time for any reason. You will never know what he was thinking. The best you can do is learn something about yourself.

[jenniferx]

I'm not having a problem moving on...I guess I just wanted to know how to say..hey what happened in an appropriate way.

[basilandthyme]

Just let it drop and move on. Doing the whole discussion thing is way too embarrassing for both concerned

[nico88]

Sometimes things are better left unsaid I think. If you just have to know then do what Michelle23 said and be straight forward with the guy and see what's up. The best way to get what you want from a person is to ask.

[smackie9]

This guy had to get drunk before he could do have sex with you, you had to initiate it, had sex only twice over 4 months of seeing each other, .....guy may have some emotional issues with sex, possibly was molested as a child, now can't have a normal sex life. Like the guy is going to tell you anything why he lost interest...not worth the worry, he was a dud.

[jenniferx]

Haha thanks smackie I Wasn't madly in love but he was fun to hang out with, would have been cool if we stayed friends. I have a feeling he was hurt in the past by a long relationship and maybe wasn't over it yet. Oh well, I hope he finds the right person for him.

[lalalita]

Yup, I agree with Michelle. If you really have to know, just straight up ask him. You have nothing to lose. Just be prepared you might feel even worse/more confused if he doesn't answer you.

[basilandthyme]

Can I just throw the idea out there that he never did put in any effort? He was never that into you even from the start

[michelle23]

God there is no evidence to say he was abused. Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill like. Jeez maybe he feels just as awkward and confused as OP.. why not just talk to him-get your answers-move on. Like I said you have nothing to lose

[fearoflove]

Just not that into you.