Girl is being strangely transparent yet suspicious at the same time.

[tacticalcraptic]

I have a girlfriend who I have been dating for several months. She asked me recently if she thinks we should consider getting married. Things have been going very well.
A few days ago, she tells me that she had texted a friend who was a former love interest who lives out of state just to see how he was doing. She tells me this guy had then sent her pictures from a museum he works at and told me about the pictures because I would be interested. I was not concerned. The next day she tells me that this former love interest tried to get flirty with her during this texting of the museum photos and asked for pictures of her and she tells me she shut him down flat. I am not concerned.
However, the next day she goes to show me a photo on her phone and I notice that her photo roll has all the photos from the guy from the museum and within minutes of these photos, there are photos of herself all dolled up (in jewelry I gave her, nonetheless) giving kissy and winking faces.
Maybe I am just being paranoid but the coincidence seems a little too great. Especially since I have never ever known her to just take pictures of herself.
On top of it all, she has specifically expressed to me that she would not be comfortable with me texting any of my ex's (which I have never done, even before we began dating) but she initiated texts with this guy. Plus, she has specifically told me that she was planning to move to said state to be near this guy before she met me, even though she knows he is not good for her (10 years older than her, can't hold a job, heavy smoker even though both her and her daughter have asthma, says he would not want anything to do with her daughter if they were together, etc) but she claimed he has a strange ""power" over her.
I dunno, I have no hard evidence she has done anything but it just feels like some trust is lost. I would love to discuss this with her to get some clarity but I feel like she will feel like I am accusing her.
I dunno, any thoughts?

[surfhb]

Uh....Yeah.....you are not ready to get married if you are asking questions like this.

[tacticalcraptic]

I am not saying I am ready to get married, I am pretty sure I am not. I only mention it in the context of showing why I perceived her of having high level of attraction and commitment towards our relationship.

[smackie9]

Talk of marriage means diddly squat. Like I always say go by their actions, not what they tell you.

IMO she blowin smoke up your ass.

[michelle23]

Texting or meeting exes is unacceptable IMO unless they have a child and need to talk for obvious reasons.. follow your instincts.

[haylz885]

In my experience you should follow your gut instinct... many times i ignored my gut instinct because i didn’t have hard evidence.... years later i had the same gut instinct and found the evidence my guy was cheating... I new then my previous instincts where right... always follow your gut feeling i say

[Wakeup]

I would love to discuss this with her to get some clarity but I feel like she will feel like I am accusing her.
I dunno, any thoughts?

Yes three immediately came to mind:

1. When someone you've known for only "months" talks about you marrying them that is a huge red flag warning you about the emotional immaturity of the one bringing it up. You should never think of marrying someone you don't even yet know. Ever! I don't care if there is the odd person out there that its worked for. The odds are not in your favour that you're with a sane person.

I only mention it in the context of showing why I perceived her of having high level of attraction and commitment towards our relationship.

It means she's pushing you into this and there is a reason she's pushing but it's got little to do with level of attraction. She barely knows you. You barely know her. All you know is that you're in the honeymoon stage and you've just encountered your first blip on the radar.

2. Why are you so afraid to speak your mind? That is another red flag you're afraid to communicate your own wants and needs which means you are insecure in who you are with as being a good mate that is emotionally mature enough to realize that her double standard IS A DOUBLE STANDARD. If she doesn't want you contacting as ex then why on earth would you not tell her that she's asking you to adhere to a relationship boundary that she herself is not adhering to?

3: You've just found out a few things that indicate that you are not compatible with this women. Either get it resolved so that she adheres to her own boundary of not talking to ex's and if she refuses to resolve then you know enough to get out of this relationship before she destroys your emotional well being.

[WatchmansMoon]

I sort of get the impression that she's insecure and is maybe trying to either make you a little jealous to keep her, or just get a feel for how committed you are to her. If she's divorced, her previous experience/s may have just made her needy to feel secure with you. Have you tried to sit down and talk through what's up with her behavior? You seem to be a pretty laid back guy (not a bad thing) but this may translate to her that you don't have strong feelings for her one way or the other. It's worth checking out with her. Before the conversation is over, made sure she knows you do actually have boundaries that you'd like to have respected. If you're moving in the direction of marriage, you may want to get some books on the topic of re-marriage (ie. Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts: Nine Questions to Ask Before and After You Remarry, is a good one) because there may be hidden quirks about her thoughts and behavior that can spring up and not make any sense to you. They can be overcome, but sometimes it's hard to even recognize that we have them ourselves. Best of luck to you!

[Boisdevie]

The only ex I keep in touch with is my ex-wife and that's only because she's the mother of my children.