I need advice... Im so confused :(

[jibbflibb]

Hi all....

Many thanks for taking the time to read, im really confused and need some advice i will try to keep it as simple as possible.

Ok so my ex ended our relationship nearly 2 week ago. Hes been very depressed working in an exhausting under paid job, hes been living alone for 3 months and has been worrying and stressing over his finances and lack of time being able to spend with his 3 year old son (who i love dearly).
Ok so last week he handed his notice in and started his new job yesterday.

We had a fab relationship and i we were honestly like 2 peas in a pod so cliche but the truth. The last couple of weeks we were together were almost unbearable, i could see he was ill with his depression and tried my hardest to keep his happiness and head above board but i failed miserably.

So when he ended it, He told me he couldnt commit right now, he asked for space and time to be alone to think what he wanted. The last we spoke was last friday, i crumbled and had to know how he was doing. I love him dearly and genuinely care about his health and well being, not only him but for his son too.
He told me the space alone was working and hes been making progress alone. Which hurt real bad, i kept my cool as much as possible and told him i was proud of him and wished him and his son well and that if he needed a friend im only a call away. He told me he was really thankful for my support and knows this is the best thing for us both right now.

So iv kept my distance, i didnt contact him since last Friday up until yesterday morning. I text him to wish him luck in his new job, his reply "Thank you x" I left it at that.
Then this morning i got a picture via text from him of his little son and his new teddy bear... I didnt reply i was shocked. Then he sent me the same picture via whatsapp.... I left it about an hour before i repld with this " Awww he looks happy with his new teddy... So cute" He replied " He loves it x".

Does anyone know what im supposed to do or think? Im so painfully confused right now

[pcmaster]

I wanted to reply but got confused after reading lol.

Okay here it goes. I think you should tell him about your feelings. That you love him and want to be together etc. Being together when depressed might be hard because if you care too much and all the time ask "How are you?" and at the same time having pitty for person makes it even harder for the one who suffers already, that can actually ruin mood even more. Thats why its easier to have space and no one reminds about problems and don't makes them more important and bigger so making it even harder. Much better is to be strong and just be positive giving out that positive energy, like smile when someone feels down.

Now in last interactions you been positive but to be realy happy you have to talk your true feelings. I mean when you are happy you can make happy others too but faking it when somethings wrong will only make you more unhappy inside. So you both need some serious talk. Relationship are only so strong as good are the communication.

[jibbflibb]

Welcome to my world lol

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Thank you for your reply....

With him having depression (which iv read up alot on since the break up) I thought it be best if he came to me... But i guess what my question really should have been is...

Do you think theres hope?

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Ps.... He knows my feelings. I dont want to add any pressure on him getting better by over complicating it x

[pcmaster]

Well ofcurse theres hope. Just keeping contact while apart is confusing to you. Better realy just go no contact. Like say this is confusing to you and if he realy cares about you he shouldnt not contact you until hes ready to come back. Good idea about letting him come to you btw. Being needy wont do anything. Will you talk with him? Do you have in mind what you want to say?

[jibbflibb]

At the moment im working on myself... Each day is getting easier to accept the relationship is over.

Iv tried to talk to my best friend about him but of course shes going to hate him so she cant offer me much understanding. Iv had depression in the passed and have received medication for it, so i kinda understand how hes feeling right now except when i had it i ran to my dearest, not push them away like hes done with me.

I really dont know what i would say to him as iv already laid my feelings onto a plate for him, so iv left myself vulnerable to him which is probably the worst feeling for me. So he knows for sure how i feel!! I would like the chance to talk with him but only when hes feeling and ready, thats if he does come back to me.

[pcmaster]

If you accept relationship is over then cut all contacts and delete him on all social media. Enter the moving one stage it will be easier for you to forget.
Also this might help
loveforum.net/threads/85672-Guide-How-to-deal-with-breakup

[jibbflibb]

I have love for him... I would like to think he would come back to me.

Thank you for your advice xx

[jibbflibb]

We have just had a nice little conversation, i kept it positive and happy.

I started by asking how his new job was going. So in this little conversation hes called me 'sexybum' (i know its sad) but it was a postive comment i think. Hes put like 4 or 5 kisses on the end of his texts. He told me his son talks about me every day, and finally hes asked if i met a nice new guy yet.... I said no, have you met a nice new girl yet? His reply.... Yes you!!

Oh my god what does this mean?

[anc91]

Tell him how you really feel and if you want to, get back together. I think he'll come to see that you are the true cheerleader of his life because even after you've broken up, you are still keeping in touch with him and making sure he is okay. Not a lot of people do that. So maybe he will realize that you still care and will get back with you. But for now tell him your true feelings and thoughts.

[michelle23]

I think its wrong for anyone to expect someone else to wait for them. Its selfish and cruel. Right now you are stuck in limbo so you can't possibly heal or get closure. If it were me in your shoes-I would tell him straight "this is life, life s**ts on us sometimes but instead of running away and hiding from it and pushing me away, we are supposed to be able to deal with issues together as a team.. so you either want me or you don't and its all or nothing but this is your last chance to make a decision. If you cannot go through lifes s**t with me, then I will move on and find someone who can. Whats it gonna be"?

[jibbflibb]

We have agreed to meet when his head is back in the game, so to speak. He kind of opened up to me yday, he told me im his 'partner in crime' and that i mean a hell of a lot to him, i asked if he meant it and he said yes.

Im still indecisive as to whether im to stand by him and carry on giving him space, as its now coming up to 2 weeks of not seeing him. But in the mean time should i open up to him? Or do you think it may scare him away?

[michelle23]

If it scares him away-he was never yours to begin with. Love is supposed to be mutual. Not one person calling all the shots while the other patiently sits in the corner nodding and smiling like a good little doormat.
Take back some of the power and control here. Hes dangling you on a string like a puppet.

You should have more self respect

[Wakeup]

OI think this one of those cases where you should rely on what your own instincts are telling you to do, OP.

How youve handled it so far has worked in your favour as hes now coming around of his own accord without threats or ultimatums. It would appear that with the improved job his stress level is reduced and his anxiety dissipating.

You're not in any emotional place to be dating anyone else anyway so see how this plays out but dont be blowing up his phone. Let him mostly come to you right now.

By that last message it looks like, yes there is hope. When he texts you again CALL him and tell him you wanted to hear his voice.

Good luck

[jibbflibb]

Many thanks for your reply.... Im afraid things have gone really weird right now.

Last Friday we spent most of the day texting... Think it over ran its course as it got heated. My friend kind of encouraged me to give him an ultimatum.... Like tell me if its over or not?...

His response was "its time to move on me dear, we want different things" Think i had pressurised that response out of him, and was kind of expecting it too.

I didnt respond, i left it right there. The following night he liked my profile picture on facebook, i liked a picture quote of his.

Now this morning iv noticed that hes blocked me on facebook... Not just me but my daughter too? I havent spoken to him since Friday... Im really baffled now

[Wakeup]

My friend kind of encouraged me to give him an ultimatum.... Like tell me if its over or not?...

Move on sister. Your ultimatum pushed him to make a decision (as it always does) and because he was already stressed it was much easier for him to just end it altogether then to try on even more stress that nurturing a relationship can be when you've not yet really committed.

At least you know now. For goodness sakes if he contacts you in a few weeks and wants to get together DON'T do it because it will just be so he can get sex without too much work. Don't respond to him as it will only set you back. This guy is in no place emotionally to be doing anything serious (with you). You don't need to get yourself in an emotional deficit by settling to be someone's fk buddy when you want more then that with him

Sorry this happened but you'll be fine in time and with zero contact. Do not initiate contact with him again.

If it scares him away-he was never yours to begin with. Love is supposed to be mutual. Not one person calling all the shots while the other patiently sits in the corner nodding and smiling like a good little doormat.

Just for the record, OP. No one expected you to sit there like a doormat. You could have gotten on with your life and kept dating others if the opportunity arose, having fun with your friends/family, doing your hobbies, going on day adventures with your daughter... living life.

You can't push someone into making a decision that will affect the rest of their life because they will always take the most easy, least stressful way if they haven't quite totally bonded with you yet. (in this case it was much less stressful in this point in the relationship to say forget it).