Accepting my BF for who he is?

[atir12]

Hi, guys. I haven't been around lately, because unfortunately life has been hectic, but I hope I can figure out my time and find a way to spend more time here trying to help people and get some help myself.

I am in a long distance relationship for almost a year now and I have really strong feelings for my boyfriend. However, I have been noticing some issues for a long time now. There are a lot of little things that annoy me about him. If he's into jokes of a comedian that I find stupid and childish, I judge my BF for liking his jokes. If he does silly things, I judge him and find him childish. And because we are in a long distance relationship I have absolutely no idea how he behaves with his friends, but from the things he has told me, I immediately imagine he turns into a 13 year old who only talks about boobs and women and sex. And this just leaves me feeling really insecure. I have talked about this with my BF but he only says he knows what he's doing and that he doesn't feel like there's anything wrong in what he does and that he won't change who he is because of me or because of the high expectations I have of him. The thing is that I'm not the typical girl and I really don't want him to be the typical guy who only talks about girls and sex whenever he is with his peers. I want him to be different, just like I am. And a part of me feels like I don't want to have to deal with these little things about him that annoy me to no end.

However, I also think this is an issue that comes from within and from my lack of experience (he is my first BF) and self-confidence. My BF is a lot more social than I am and I feel insecure about this. Because if I truly trusted him and if I were truly comfortable with who I am I would be able to just ignore these little things and focus on the things I love about him, right? At least that's what he does. He doesn't care if I talk about guys with my friends or whatever. And he says I shouldn't worry with the way he is with his friends, but only with who he is to me. But I just can't see things that way and I can't stop judging him for these things. It also doesn't help that I don't know any of his friends and have absolutely no idea how he is with them (but I still can't help but imagine he's the typical guy and judge him for it). Has anyone been through something similar? Because I fear I will never accept him the way he is. I really don't want him to be a pig with his friends even if he's the sweetest guy when he is with me. Thanks

[searock]

What exactly do you mean by "long distance relationship"? How often do you meet in real life? How old are you both?

[smackie9]

If you are that insecure you shouldn't be dabbling in long distance relationships. LDRs can emotionally knock down the fittest, from the stress and anxiety that it causes. This is an unhealthy way for you to have a BF.

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I have some info for you about men. They like variety, they are visual creatures, they like looking a pretty women, they like thinking about sex with other pretty women. Just because they are in a committed relationship, doesn't mean they will stop looking at or thinking about other women and sex. It's normal. Someday when you are older you will realize that it's silly to think their sexual thoughts are committed to you. We are all human, we will think of others because whatever happens in our heads is nobody's business.

[Wakeup]

The thing is that I'm not the typical girl

What do you consider the "typical girl" to be?

You're not in a relationship, you're in a long distance bitch fest where he's too stupid to keep his mouth shut about looking at boobs and talking to his friends about boobs. All men look. Some are just smarter then others and don't tell their girlfriends that they do.

As Smackie says... when you're older you'll come to some realizations.

You'll be less concerned about competition, you'll point out the hot ones with the big boobs so that he doesn't miss some good eye candy. Thing is, you'll never be secure enough to be that comfortable because you don't have a relationship where you see one another often enough to know, without a doubt that it's you he loves even if he is looking at some awesome hooters.

[atir12]

What exactly do you mean by "long distance relationship"? How often do you meet in real life? How old are you both?

We usually see each other once a week, at best. I am 22 and he is 21.

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I will reply to your other questions asap. Thanks guys!

[surfhb]

He's 21 and don't want a guy who talks about girls, boobs and sex? You don't know men very well. I'm 45 and it's a common subject between my mates when the wives aren't present. It's just what we do.....any guy who's not into those topics around the boys has issues going on. Make sense?

[atir12]

What do you consider the "typical girl" to be?

You're not in a relationship, you're in a long distance bitch fest where he's too stupid to keep his mouth shut about looking at boobs and talking to his friends about boobs. All men look. Some are just smarter then others and don't tell their girlfriends that they do.

As Smackie says... when you're older you'll come to some realizations.

You'll be less concerned about competition, you'll point out the hot ones with the big boobs so that he doesn't miss some good eye candy. Thing is, you'll never be secure enough to be that comfortable because you don't have a relationship where you see one another often enough to know, without a doubt that it's you he loves even if he is looking at some awesome hooters.

Typical girl may not be the most correct term to use, because that depends on a lot of things, but he's always saying how he likes how practical and tomboy I am. I don't care much about fashion and things that are considered "girly".

And this is also about Smackie's post. I fully agree with you two and I KNOW that it doesn't make any sense that I want him to be something that goes against his nature, but that isn't the thing that concerns me the most. It's really the way I am so quick to judge him and how that makes me feel inside. Despite what my rationality tells me, I can't help but fall into this hole of doubts and insecurities. And the thing is that I know he is a wonderful guy and despite how many times he tells me that what he does and says when he is with his friends has nothing to do with how he feels about me, I have a hard time believing in him. I want to, but I can't seem to do it. It just sucks that we can't be together as a normal couple and it sucks that I basically feel like I'm not really part of his world. The problem is that we don't really have a solution for that. We're still young and can't just move in with each other or even live in the same city. It's just hard because I am in love with him and I want my future to be spent with him. I know I have to grow up, I just don't know how to do it.

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He's 21 and don't want a guy who talks about girls, boobs and sex? You don't know men very well. I'm 45 and it's a common subject between my mates when the wives aren't present. It's just what we do.....any guy who's not into those topics around the boys has issues going on. Make sense?

I know that. I know. The thing is I can't seem to put that inside my head and just let it go. It just keeps affecting me.

[basilandthyme]

Have you ever considered that you're with the wrong bloke? Perhaps a more cultured man would be more suited to you.

Thing is, dating should be about getting to know a person and finding out if they are suitable for us. It's not about forcing ourselves to accept something we're really struggling with.

[HeartIsAching]

Culture is what you find in yogurt... and petri dishes. Not in men.

[surfhb]

Culture is what you find in yogurt... and petri dishes. Not in men.

Ha Ha! So True

[michelle23]

You dont really know him at all and thats why you feel so insecure. Seeing him once a week isnt really enough to sustain a relationship and long distance is always difficult.

Maybe your life would be less complicated if you found a guy closer to home

[basilandthyme]

Culture is what you find in yogurt... and petri dishes. Not in men.

Well, at least find a man who knows 'what gets said with the boys, stays with the boys'. This guy sounds like he's his own worst enemy.

[KingZ]

Have you ever considered that you're with the wrong bloke? Perhaps a more cultured man would be more suited to you.

Nope. I'd call myself pretty damn cultured, and boobs are pretty much the only thing I ever think about. Most of the code I write for work has been formatted to resemble a huge, delicious-looking pair of tits.

"Two D's in C," as it were.

[HeartIsAching]

Heh... yep. As far as culture goes in men, I'm there. I like classical music. I go to the theater and the symphony. I experiment with new ethnic foods, both dining out and cooking at home.

And I love a great pair of tits and a nice full ass. In my 40's and still think about 'em/talk about 'em with other guys all the time.

[KingZ]

But if you had to choose between tits or ass, which would it be?

Personally, I'm a tit man through and through.