Confusion with the love of my life getting back together

[Brandonthesaint]

I don't want to type an essay but I really do need some help. I'm gonna try and make a long story short essentially me and my ex gf dated 2 years broke up for a short time cause it wasn't working then months later we tried to pick it back up and make things work.

Here's the issue. When I first tried to contact her again she was talking to another guy and she was kinda playing us back and forth so I said I'm out I can't do this and eventually he went away and we started talking again.

During that whole time she lied to me a lot and I always found out. So we would get into petty arguments that turn large and then she just says she doesn't want to deal with it and will ignore me. Don't get me wrong I love the girl and have had some of the best times of my life with her.

Now to the current problem I don't know how to approach. Since we broke up she's acquired quite a few male friends. We were talking a lot and about to date again but I guess I wasn't making moves fast enough so she didn't feel like I was committed. So pretty much she started seeing these male friends over me. It was bothering me really bad and she never does anything or acts like she cares about it. It got to a point where we were always arguing. I just wanted to be a priority over these other guys especially if she expects me to make her my gf again. I want too but can't if she isn't willing to do anything to make me happy. I don't expect her to stop talking to them but just make me know I'm number 1.

Well one night we got in an argument and the next day she ignored me all day while she was at work and hung out with this guy after. She didn't tell me and was ignoring me and pretty much I caught them hanging out so typical overwhelmed with emotions I freak out like why can't you make me feel special why hang out with everyone but me and make time for everyone else but me. So huge fight and she's like I can't do this anymore and ignored me for 2 days and does god knows what.

Now she says were not exclusive but still wants too talk to me. She wants to continue to do these things on the weekends and make time for them and I say this upsets me and all she says is well sorry. So I informed her I don't want to be an option and of were not exclusive she's basically telling me she's testing out the waters and seeing if she really likes this other guy. She tells me that she's just still hurt by our fight and doesn't want anything as a relationship right now. She still contacts me and texts me but not like we used too. She still wants to see me some nights and we just hang out for a little and I do enjoy the time we spend together but I don't want to be wasting my time. What do i do. I would really like to make this work again and this is like all the negative things but when things were going good she treats me well its just like she can't get enough from just one guy and I'm tired of the stupid lies.

[basilandthyme]

The problem here is that you're one step ahead of her. You want to make it work, but she's not sure if she wants to.

I would suggest you pull back and tell her that if/when she wants to make it work, she should contact you. Tell her that IF you are still available, you will consider it.

[nico88]

^ This girl right here is smart. Listen to her. That's all my advice I have to give you haha

[Brandonthesaint]

Ok here's the new issue we ended up hanging out last night and she still says she loves me and expresses interest. But she's going out of town for a day with this guy friend and a group of his friends. She says she's gonna text me the whole time and just wants to hang with her "friends". Let me remind you she's known them less than 2 months and has just recently started hanging out with them. I ask her if she has any intentions to do anything with other guys she says no but it doesn't matter if she does and then reminds me were not talking. But when I say ok well same pretty much she gets all upset and is like why cant you only want me instead of chasing other women.

Another part about this I will admit I'm jealous she is doing all these things with other people and never me but she said she already had these plans I'm just gonna let her do whaever shes gonna do I'm just filled with worry and anxiety she's gonna find someone else or do something and I'll never know. Or that if I say I'm with other females or doing similar things shell do something out of spite and at that point it only makes it harder to try and want her or take her back.

[bigphil]

look ...she is using emotional blackmail on you..you have to learn to detach yourself a little from her...she is using you as her fallback guy.
you being worried and anxious is exactly what she wants...that's why she keeps doing all that nonsense.....
give yourself some space...don't call her again till she decides to talk face to face. Get on with your life. Stop giving into her blackmail and try not to react in public to whatever negative stuff she does.

bottom line is if you can't trust ...let her go ...period!!!

[Valixy]

^^ I agree.

No girl who still has real feelings for a guy and really wants to give another chance to a relationship would behave like she does.

She lied a lot, preffered the company of other guys instead of yours, wants to test the waters with another guy, wants to go away for the weekend with him, ignores you, doesn't try to adjust a little and make you feel more confortable...and all this in the delicate moment of speaking about dating again, when other people would simply try to do their best to make it work. Her idea of getting back with you is a bad joke. Stop the show and free yourself of suffering. There are girls outthere who you could start a new relationship with and would put their heart into it.

[Wakeup]

Although I agree with the synopsis that Valixy had come up with I do have to recommend this to you op or you're going to bring this foolish thinking into any relationship in your future. (its obvious that the relationship you're in now is NOT going to last a lifetime)

I'm just filled with worry and anxiety she's gonna find someone else or do something and I'll never know.

If you never know about it, then how would that hurt you? Dude: your ego is overtaking your common sense. Go see a therapist and learn the mental tools you need to adapt to turn off your negative thought process.

You have emotional baggage that you've taken into this re-do and you're not going to automatically get rid of it when you get rid of her. Although a woman with more investment in you and your relationship will help somewhat. Its disrespectful to do what she's doing to you and you're allowing her to disrespect you. No one in a committed relationship would go away with a bunch of boys without her boyfriend present if they actually cared about their boyfriend. Know it, adapt that attitude and you'll avoid hurting YOURSELF by clinging to a twat who is lousy relationship material just for the sake of having her in your life in some piss poor capacity.

Time you took care of yourself for the long run and not just for the moment because you're afraid to be alone. This girl is not invested in this thing you have going in the least.

[somehelp4me]

Move on and don't look back. The constant lying would be a deal breaker for me anyhow.
She is an ex for a reason.

[basilandthyme]

wow, she's playing you like a violin

My previous advice still stands: Cease all contact with her unless she's 100% committed to you

[Brandonthesaint]

Here's an update for you guys here comes so terrible stuff. So after doing everything she's done I went into no contact. She then sent a pic of her burning all our old stuff. I shouldn't of replied at all but I basically told her if that's how she feels to leave me alone and be happy but this didn't satisfy her apparently. She went on to tell me the other guy she's been talking to the whole time behind my back and that shes know ****ing him and spent the whole weekend at his house. Obviously it hurt but I blew it off like I didn't care. She proceeds to tell me she still loves me and wishes it was me. So I tell her to just go do her and leave me alone and that I find what she's doing foul and that I don't want her back. She posts all over IG about him like man crush Monday I feel like she's just trying to hurt me. I honestly don't understand how she goes from saying she loves me to a few days later all over a new guy. She really hurt me a lot so I blocked communication as best as I could I can't figure out how to block texts lol but I'm just gonna move on and find someone who treats me better. I don't know or understand her motives at all.

[IndiReloaded]

So after doing everything she's done I went into no contact. She then sent a pic of her burning all our old stuff. I shouldn't of replied at all but I basically told her if that's how she feels to leave me alone and be happy but this didn't satisfy her apparently. She went on to tell me the other guy she's been talking to the whole time behind my back and that shes know ****ing him and spent the whole weekend at his house.

Wow, she's a crazy bitch. Why are you feeding her crazy-beast? Block her texts and thank god on your knees you dodged a bullet.

[Brandonthesaint]

So here's what happened today.she contacts me to tell me she loves me more than shell ever love anyone else and the she did it all out of spite and wishes we could work. She tells me over and over I'll always be the one she wants then I find out she's still hanging with the guy. I told him what she said and it doesn't even phase the dude. You think there's any hope in a distant future.

[somehelp4me]

Again, move on! She's drama and no she doesn't love you so don't fall for that BS.