Not talked in 3 years, suddenly, boom, feelings are back!

[therealgreg]

Hi!

Im gonna try to keep this backstory fairly short. I was working at a big seasonal resort when i was 20, almost 21. While there, i met this girl and we fell in love. We´re together for almost a year. Everything was great for a while, but eventually i broke up with her. I don´t really remember what happened, i somehow just got scared and left. I really didn´t like the way I broke up with her too, I just told her something like "things aren´t really the same, i don´t feel the same anymore" and basically just left. She kept asking questions but i didn´t have the answers, I was just insecure and didn´t really knew what i wanted out of the relationship. Man i was a dick, and i really hurt her. She deserved to know why i left her. At that age i also really tried to make it as an athlete so i used to travel alot for my sport. I was just a kid, living in some kind of surreal dream that I would one day make it. I guess I just got too occupied with myself and forgot about what i had.

Anyway, im turning 25 soon. Older, wiser and i have left my sportingdays behind me. Im starting to plan my future and its really exciting, im really looking forward to maybe studying, get a job and "settle down" and all those things.

Almost 4 years have passed since we got together and 3 years since i broke up with her. We didn´t talk at all during this period. I still visit the same resort on occasion, since i live so close i go there maybe 1 - 2 times a year to visit friends who still works there. She still works there too, so of course i would see her sometimes when out partying or meeting other friends, but we never talked. Maybe a hi there and a wave there, but thats it. No actual conversation.

At first, after the breakup, i felt like i did the right thing, but after a while, maybe a year or so, those feelings got reversed somehow and i started missing her. I remember she sent me a big, 5 page handwritten letter explaining how she felt, how hurt she got and was left questionmarked after i just left her like that. I read it many times and was close to responding, but i never did. And thats pretty much it. After some time i was starting to feel better and even though i still thought about her from time to time, i pretty much accepted our past and was trying to move on.

More years passed, still no communication, even though i sometimes saw her at the resort, we didn´t talk. I sometimes wanted to, but didn´t have the courage to go up to her and say hi, i always thought she hated my guts and didn´t want to. Also during these years i´ve tried to get back in the datinggame, and though i´ve had some success, and haven´t come close to anything like the relationship me and her had.

Anyway, here´s where my current problem starts:

I recently went back to the resort with some friends, this was 3 weeks ago, and while out partying, i saw her right there in the club. I thought to myself that this time, i had to talk to her. I mean, she´s not going to work at this place forever, what if this is her last season here? It could be my last chance to just say hi and see how things are. I got really nervous, but i worked up some courage, walked over and said hi. She seemed happy at first and said it was nice seeing me, and we talked for bit. But then the whole conversation felt weird, and i was kind of expecting that. It was almost like when you run out of things to talk about. I told her what i was doing at the moment, she told me was she was doing etc. etc. We talked for maybe a couple of minutes when her friends started dragging her to the other bar. She said that i could come along, so i did. And i got very awkward, when we got there i didn´t really know what to say and she kept talking to her friends. After a while i felt so dumb that i just told her it was nice seeing her and maybe we see each other another time, and i left.

We didn´t talk for more than 10 minutes in total, still by the time i got home from the trip, i couldn´t get her out of my head. I couldn´t stop thinking about her. All those old feelings just came back like an explosion. Just to see her and talk to her after all these years, even though the whole meeting was awkward, she still looked beautiful and it was so nice to hear her voice again after such long time. I got home from the resort and didn´t know what to do with myself. I promised some other friends i would come back next weekend for the end-of-season party, so i knew there was a possibility to see her again. I knew i wanted to talk to her again, so I hesitated at first, but after a couple of days, i wrote her a message on facebook. I told her that it was fun seeing her there, and asked her if she wanted to grab coffee and talk when i get there that weekend.

So i was waiting for a response, but 2 days went by and still no answer. I thought she completly ignored me at first. I started to regret my message. I thought to myself, Why the hell did i do that? We haven´t talked for 3 years, why couldn´t i just leave her alone. But then on day 3 she replied. She said it was nice to see me to, but was "sorry to say" that she didn´t feel like meeting me. "Hope you understand, maybe i´ll see you some other time", and that was basically it.

Well, it was kind of expected, but i still got sad and a little bit confused. I mean 3 days to respond, she must have been really shocked by my request. She also didn´t say why she wouldn´t meet me. This could be all sorts of reasons, but still left me wondering. And what does she mean "maybe see you some other time". She still gonna be there next year?

Anyway, several weeks have passed i still can´t get her out of my head, and i don´t know what to do. I know i probably just should move on, but does anyone have any thoughts? Anyone been in this kind of situation? I feel like it´s not normal to still have feelings for someone after so many years. Maybe i just miss her because she was my first real girlfriend, and haven´t really been seing anyone else like that.

Anyway, it just feels good to write about it and would be nice to get other peoples viewpoints on my problem.

Since english is not my first language i apologize for mistakes and gramatical errors!

//G

[HBK1997]

Hm, how to put this. First of I should say that I've been put in a similar situation, though for a shorter amount of time in between (1 year) Truth is, the way you feel right now is normal, just to get that out of the way. People never really move on when the relationship was a strong or powerful one. That person will always, always have those feelings as will you, no matter how much you suppress them. Now that doesn't mean you should pursue her either. She's most likely hesitant and won't text you simply because you hurt her, she remembers that pain. She's scared. So you have to show her you're better now, that you aren't just going to hit it and quit it.
Hopefully this helps