My EX and I were at the same bar on Friday night.

[elephantgirl]

This is quite a silly post, I understand.

On Friday, I met my friends at the bar as soon as I got in my one friend told me my ex was upstairs dancing.

I should've left right then and there but I didn't I went and got a drink and drank it pretty fast and then...

I went and got another drink and about half way through it I realized I had to leave the bar because I was way too drunk and if I saw him I would fall a part.

So, I told my friend I was leaving and he said, "Don't. It's okay - you are stronger than this" and I burst into tears (god so embarrassing...) I cried for about 10 seconds - got my composure together ect.

Then, my ex boyfriends brother's girlfriend saw me and she runs up to me and hugs me for like 5 minutes, telling me I'm beautiful and the nicest person she ever met and told me not to cry ect.ect. She's like "I know why you are crying and it's okay, it's going to be okay" After that conversation, I just left and cried and have been feeling like a pile of shit since Friday night.

I'm extremely mad at myself for crying and not leaving the bar. I wanted to see him but I also knew I couldn't see him because why would he be at the bar if it was not to meet chicks? ect.

I DON'T WANT TO HAVE FEELINGS ANYMORE. I am so hardened and cold by this break-up. I feel I will never be able to love someone again. I just feel broken and I want to be alone. I can't even love a puppy...

I think I have accepted why we both had to break up but I am finding it really hard to not love him anymore because I can't figure out a reason why I shouldn't love him. i have logical answers that lead to superficial qualities I don't like but it doesn't give me enough justification to not be in love with him anymore.

I feel pathetic.

[smackie9]

Take it day by day and you will never feel like this about him anymore. Ya got to give it time. Hang in there!


Speaking of exes (off topic) when I first dated my husband I was working at a night club. He was sitting with me while I worked the door/coat check. That night 4 ex BFs showed up almost one after another lol I thought for sure he would jump and run out. He was miffed about it but he stuck it out lol

[Rowen]

I can't even love a puppy...

Well, getting a pet is out of the question... >.>

(Okay, I'm hoping that joke makes you feel a little better, and sorry if it doesn't..I know it may be too soon..)

This is quite a silly post, I understand.

[...]

I think I have accepted why we both had to break up but I am finding it really hard to not love him anymore because I can't figure out a reason why I shouldn't love him. i have logical answers that lead to superficial qualities I don't like but it doesn't give me enough justification to not be in love with him anymore.

I feel pathetic.

Okay, the parts in the second quoting are the most important, I feel... Honestly, OP, you are NOT pathetic, nor is your post "silly" by any definition of the word. You're hurting, and it is a perfectly natural, human experience.. And I know that you won't believe me, but it gets better. I know that for sure because I've been exactly where you are right now...and it's scary and lonely and empty all at once... But it gets better. The scars will remain, but they will lessen and become growing experiences for you as a person.

I'm not sure how long it's been since you broke up, but here is what you need to know, regardless: Don't try to NOT love him. You can try to do that all you like, but it won't change how you feel about him. Why? Because when you truly love someone, it's to the grave and beyond.. So, let yourself bleed, emotionally (not physically- do NOT hurt yourself..), and allow yourself time to work on you... Evaluate what happened between the two of you and what you didn't like and what you don't want in a future relationship. Focus on what kind of person you want to be in a relationship and how you want to be treated... And when you discover that, don't alter it for anyone. Work inside your comfort zone, and don't allow anyone to push boundaries. That way, you'll get the respect I feel like you're starved for right now..

Loving him hurts- there's no doubt of that- but in time, you will grow into the person you want to be for YOU and not for anyone else... And that love? That love will grow into a special place in your heart where you will never stop caring about him. But it will be in a different way- a way which allows you to love someone else again.

If you need to talk further with me, OP, you're welcome to PM me. And I hope that you will find your peace.. Don't focus on what he's doing; just try to focus on what you're doing.

[chinagirl]

Just like Smackie said, take it one day at a time and things will definitely get better with time.

Try not to dwell on it and get yourself busy doing things that you love.
Love thy self first...

You'll get over him when the time is right. Trust me, I've been in your shoes and even worst but I'm very happy now. One day you'll find happiness either with someone else or within yourself.

[pcmaster]

I think drinking is making it harder for you to get over.

BTW why have you been in club? Not to meet lads?

[elephantgirl]

Everytime I post on here I get smartass remarks so thank you for your genuine comment.

I think I try to be a good/mature person when really I am just mad at someone and I think it is okay to be mad at him. I got so mad at myself on Friday because I cried - but I'm human! I'm not wonder women and I can't control my emotions as much as I'd like to. Today I just decided that I'm mad at my ex. The past two months I have tried to be okay with this and be logical and not necessarily be hurt. I think I was upset for 2 weeks and then I wanted to be over it.

I've accepted our break-up but I've found it hard to accept that he doesn't love me anymore and he can't tell me why. That pisses me off. Everytime I've broken up with someone or someone has broken up with me they at least gave me a reason why they didn't want to get back together and didn't use circumstantial evidence as there reason. Even a thing like, "You are grumpy in the morning and I hate that" would've been nice! But no! He gives me the, "You are amazing, I hate myself for doing this to do, there is nothing wrong with you - I just fell out of love" - I know he has a hard time deciphering what he feels but I am upset by that response.

Also, 3 weeks after we broke up we met up for the first time because he had stuff to pick up and it was okay - I was cool calm and collected and so was he and in casual conversation we talked about our experiences being single so far and he mentions that he downloaded Tinder. Which never bugged me before because I was trying to not be this typical irrational crazy girl but now I am pissed by that. I just went on my first date last week and I liked it but it definitely put into perspective how broken I am and here he is scouting girls on Tinder 3 weeks after we broke up. I'm just insulted and I'm going to be mad at him rather than be mad at myself for not being perfect.

Logically, I know why I can't be mad and I know it's not his fault he feels that way, bla bla bullshit I don't care. I'd rather be mad at him because I am hurt than be mad at myself and beating myself up by not being a perfect human who was rejected.

[KingZ]

Take it day by day and you will never feel like this about him anymore. Ya got to give it time. Hang in there!

This. ^ Just hang in there. Love is really the worst drug in terms of withdrawal. But once you're completely clean, you'll feel much better, and you won't look back.

[pcmaster]

Are you sure your not overweight? I see how being fat would perfectly go along with how emotional you are. What I mean by "you shouldn't drink" is you were drunk and drunks girls often cry and do other stupid stuff so its normal that you couldn't hold back tears. Dont blame yourself but blame alcohol.

[michelle23]

Are you sure your not overweight? I see how being fat would perfectly go along with how emotional you are.

What?? That doesnt make any sense pc. Shes emotional coz she just got her heart broken. And EVERYONE has emotions a paet from narcissists and psychopaths..

OP you should get a puppy. I got one after my aunt died and it did help. Animals can be your best friend when your in pain. I cuddled mine way too much tho and now shes a spoilt brat lol but I love her

it will just take time. You will be okay. Hugs

[pcmaster]

Just cant stop thinking about that username. There must be a reason why shes elephant girl. Plus shes acting like fat beta girl who will never find another BF again. Really puppy is out of question. If man dont want to be with her then why poor dog have to suffer? Besides it would be only rebound she would loose interest afterwards, she even mentioned that she cant even love a puppy.

[michelle23]

There could be 100 reasons why she chose that username. And even if she is fat and it doesnt mean she doesnt deserve love

"Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will" remember??

[elephantgirl]

hahahahah

I'm not over weight. I'm 5ft0 and 100lbs.

I chose elephant girl because I love elephants and Im going to go work with elephants in the summer...

Yeah, I feel getting a dog is because I am lonely and I'm not too sure that's a good reason to get a dog right now. I'd rather get a dog when I have a family/house of my own.

[pcmaster]

I can suggest a hamster. Cage dont takes up much space, they cheap to feed and if you get bored of it it easy to give away because many people want it. Only think you have to invest in good spinning wheel so it dont makes much noise and buy russian or siberian hamster because they dont smell.