Soooo Confused What Does She Want

[zdash]

Hows it going everyone first time posting in here really just looking for some advice on my current situation so here it goes ... my Ex-girlfriend hits me up out of the blue on facebook and its been almost a year since we have talked .. and 2 years since our relationship was amazing together and we where absolutely inseperable and madly in love with each other .. we begin talking again via text and arrange a date together where we went for a walk and talked about our lives now which both of us went threw a real spiral in life at points we both seem to be doing alot better now in life ive been back in college going to school she looks great and is planning on doing some travelling in a year ..we also talked about how we are in love with each other and i come to find she shared alot of feelings i still had for her to .. not a day goes by i really dont think about her and i believe its mutual with her to .. the first date goes good but she is seeing a guy right now she has been on and off with and its a mess of a relationship with them ... no big deal i didnt poke my nose into that to much she told me some details of whats going on but i kept pretty neutral in the conversation and didnt show any signs of jealousy ... so we keep texting and its like the first time she fell in love with me she was eager to know what i was doing i was getting text first thing in the morning from her texts about what she was currently doing .. texts wondering how i was doing .. and she asks me if i wanna go on a little road trip to the next city over from where we live saying she will pay and everything .. im game and the next day we got in my car and went .. it was great we where reconnecting she was my best friend to and now I got that feeling like shes mine again ...within half an hour of the trip we are holding hands and kissing again ... once we got to our destination we went ate at a restraunt chain that we first met each other at .. we have a few drinks and she told me how much she loves me and misses me and how we should of been together and how im the guy she has always wanted .. and honestly the feeling is mutual to ive had a few girlfriends in between her and none of the could compare .. so i told her i want to be with her and if she wants to be with me then lets do it or at least see where this goes so far so good .. shes got that glow back again we are like a couple kids in love again its awesome we went to the movie theatre to that night which was one of our things and the whole date went great till she gets a text from one of our old bosses from work which was randomly out of the blue .. we decided to go visit her .. and what mistake that was this lady was drunk out of her mind and just recently had her husband of 25 years leave her soo what does she do takes it out on me there saying that it will never work between us and how she should just be with the guy she is with now because she has more passion for him like just a bunch of bullshit she was putting in her head right in front of me i was ready to explode and she could see it we ended up leaving there because this is the type of stuff that could create a huge argueement between us... so after leaving the old miserable bitches house i drove her home and it just seemed to me like something was different with her and me no kiss goodnight or nothing just kind of a cold goodbye .. anyways i text her the next day she says shes feeling sick which i think she had a bit of an emotional hangover of it all so i let her be dont make any plans or nothing .. she texts me the next day but still just seemed a little colder then usual no smileys short answers just not as much interest .. but i set up a date later on in the week with her .. we texted periodically before then and actually the day we where gonna hangout i picked her up to drive her to work and grabbed a quick coffee and i could tell her body language and interest level was down .. now she has a big history of being a flaker and this is what drove me most crazy about her i hated it .. but my gut absolutely told me she was gonna flake out on us hanging out tonight ... 730 rolls around and she just gets work and i get the text that she cant make it tonight because something crappy happened to her girlfriend .. i reply with a simple thats okay .. im not mad ive kinda learnt that its not about me and not to take flaking so personal anymore .. but no make up date from her or anything ... the next day im contemplating on texting her or not and i do later on in the day with something playful and nothing ... its been 2 days now and no word from her ... like what happened ?? what went wrong? what do i do now ?? i love her but i cant be thrown back into that deep dark place i was when we brokeup .. im ****ing confused? this isnt just some girl i just met we have shared a big portion of hearts and lives with one another .. did we just move to fast and jump back into the old us? if anyone can throw me advice that would be great .. what confuses me the most is she was the one that wanted all this back she contacted me she setup a date with me out of town .. she kissed me first woow okay i could go on and on with these questions in my head but please someone throw me some advice

[zdash]

well got a text from her today first thing in the morning asking whatssup .. told her i was just busy studying then asked what shes doing but pretty sure shes at work right now .. do you think my best bet here is to just act like im friends with her nothing more im starting to think the extra love and attention i give her scares her off which tells me she might not be ready to get involved with me quite yet .. plus she still has another relationship to figure out but i aint going away on this one i wanna be involved in her life one way or another ... advice plz lol

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or should i go bang the young hot asian girl i work with that has a serious crush on me ... gahhhhddd women drive me nuts

[smackie9]

Always go with the sure thing.

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Tip: If they go flaky on ya that's because they are not that into you. Stop wasting your time being a pussy for them.

[zdash]

word up thanks brother i love the straight up advice

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but why do girls flake and give gay ass excuses its ****ing stupid do they actually think we are dumb and not know your lying .. just grow a set of nuts ladys and tell the guy to **** off instead of pulling a string behind him you think they would get way more self respect out of that

[XyOh]

You didn't bother to mention why the two of you broke up in the first place which bothers me. When people break up, it's for a reason. You can't sit around romanticizing and cherry picking the good times without acknowledging that it got bad enough that the two of you broke up. If it was so great, why aren't the two of you still together from the first round? Be realistic. Life is not a love story from a movie. Sure, some people experience that, but in the long run, it rarely works out even when it seems full of passion. Make up-break up relationships feel like real love because they cause excitement, but really, it's just that: drama and negative excitement that gets mistaken for passionate love.

I think that when people do decide to get back together after a break up and it works, it doesn't begin with this kind of turmoil. It's because both people are in a good place and their individual lives are independent. This is not the case for your exgirlfriend. She's in another on and off again relationship and it's not working well - so she calls you out of the blue. It sounds like she's not getting what she wants out of her current relationship and she thinks she can get the attention she wants from you. I feel like she's using you as a fallback just in case it doesn't work out with this other guy. She doesn't want to be alone and she's insecure. She doesn't respect the men she chooses to date. If she did, she wouldn't call you when she's deciding to be with another guy. You really need to see that this is disrespectful to the person she is currently seeing and it is also disrespectful to you. She doesn't think you're good enough to stop thinking about this other guy. She doesn't think you're good enough to follow through with plans. She doesn't think you're good enough to be consistent with the affection that she's shown you up until this point.

When you start to fall back on your attention, I guarantee that will be the moment she decides to text you or call. She's be affectionate and friendly when she thinks she's losing you off her hook. She wants to keep you around JUST IN CASE. Just in case things don't work out with the other guy. That's it. Do you really want to be with her if this is her reasoning for calling you back? Because all it means is that when she gets bored or finds someone better, she'll be gone. It's because she knows she disrespected you, you got back with her, and therefore, you don't respect yourself.

Don't be friends with her either. Why? Because she's not treating you like a friend. She's treating you like Plan B. I don't know about you, but I'm not friends with people that treat me like that. You also should be friends with someone you still have feelings for. That's what masochists do. Save yourself the pain and the awkwardness and don't put yourself in situations where you'll pine for something you can't have.

[zdash]

Thanks man there was a huge part of me that was telling myself that but i didnt want to believe it .. i think i might get to know the hot Asian girl i work with a little better focus some attention to her only problem with that is shes 18 and im 29 although i do not look it and i dont have kids or have been in a marriage or anything on that mature of a commitment level....its a little weird but we get along really well and we both are attending college and kind of got the same future goals going on... and should age be a factor i dont wanna be thought of as the old pervy guy

[XyOh]

Eighteen is pretty young and even though you don't look older, don't have kids, don't intend to get married, or want a serious relationship (which I find strange since you JUST POSTED that you wanted to get back with your ex ... wow!), it's highly probable that the two of you just won't connect because she is not emotionally mature enough for a 29 year old. However, I don't know her and maybe she's very mature for her age and you're very immature for your age so you guys are like both 23 in your minds ... haha!

Seriously though, I don't exactly suggest it, but that's your call. I'm a 32 year old woman and I wouldn't dream of dating a 21 year old. I know you might think that's because I'm not a man, but I just don't think the emotional maturity is there. I've dated a man that was 9 years older than me before and a month or two into it, it was really obvious to me that we just weren't on the same wavelength at all. Once again though, your call.

[zdash]

cool thanks for the advice maybe i should just keep focusing on myself like i have been doing for the past year .. one month till i write my final and get my degree i cant really afford distractions in my life

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and i do want a serious relationship i never said i didnt .. but probably not a good time for it right now