Help Me Get It Togheter

[wolfmisha]

first dont judge my spelling and or lack of capital letters and lack of doting at the end of a sentence - working with a broken laptop keyboard, also english is not my native language

you can call me wolf and i'm 32

3 months ago me and this wonderful girl started dating and we felt in love fast, we both did and it was for the most part woderful

i was and felt as her personal hero as i helped her break free from a 4 year old relationn where she was literally a prisoner but a relation that ended from her pov 2 years prior to her meeting me

all was well and wonderfull it was the first time in my life i ever felt in love like this, i always tought prior to this that i'm one of those who will never love or be loved in that way

2 weeks ago she broke up with me and i'm a mess ever since, spending the first week in denyal and maybe a bit angry not understanding the reasoning behind her decission and the last week crying several times each day once i understood

as an individual i'm not the most happy with how i lived my life so far - spent a huge part of my life not careing much for socialization, relationships but mostly was into playing online mmorpg's/ i look back at it now and wonder how on earth could i be so stupid

for the last 3 years i went trough some very rough times due to some legal problems ending in a convinction that made it imposible to keep my job - i was army eod/ i''ve spent the last 3 years mostly beeing mad at the world and drinking way to many beers at once and getting in trouble with the law because of my violent and reckless behaviour while drunk - very nasty stuff - hurting myself and others that cared for me

i like to belive i'm a good person and i certanly have my strong parts but beeing a drunken bastard eclipsed it

she gave gave plenty of signs she was not ok with how i was behaving but i was blind to them then

in conclusion my girl left me because of my behaviour and i totally understand that/ she loved me but not the other dude - the drunk idiot/ i'm not that person anymore but that man messed things big time - lost my love, left heartbroken and with a with a big feeling of disrespect twoards myself, guilt and lonellines

i don't know what to ask of this comunity - but only writting this down takes a bit of load of my sould - i find perhaps comfort in knowing well intended people will read this and offer some kind of feedback

yours trully wolf

[MrLoyal]

If you really have got your shit together why dont you contact her and let her know? Tell her you got help and you would like to take her out sometime.

[wolfmisha]

i need some time before i do that i think/ i'm so ashamed at how i treated her in some ocassions i'm afraid to look her in the eyes not to mention talking to her face to face

[MrLoyal]

If you cant forgive yourself how can she forgive you? Learn from your mistakes and make sure you don't behave like that again.

You are right though, focus on getting yourself better. You seem depressed, why don't you try exercise and make sure you are eating healthy including drinking plenty of water.

With time you will be okay mate, the future is yours.

[wolfmisha]

thank you mr loyal for your words

indeed i need first to forgive myself first and foremost

last part is right on point also

[smackie9]

I agree you are not emotionally ready. There is no way you can have anything to offer anyone when you are broken. You still have a lot of healing and growing to do. Just remember she is not your key to happiness, only you can provide that for yourself.

[wolfmisha]

yes i trully agree - it's not that much now about getting the two of us back togheter - its more about meeting her face to face and try and make her understand that i'm not that man i just had to much on my plate, its more about me perhaps now

i know after i'm done talking i'll have this burden taken of my soul

we are supossed to meet today ill update on how it went

[MrLoyal]

Thats great news wolf! You know what to do!

[pcmaster]

I think thats total BS about finding happiness in yourself. Here you are 32 year old man and still searching for it. You were making stupid decisions in pas and wasting life because you lived as blind man with no love. Then when you fell in love you started to see. It would be easier to quit drinking while being together with her. She could give you that energy you need to change yourself.

You know there a cool Russian song might actually give you idea about what to say to her.

[smackie9]

If you don't find happiness within yourself, you become co-dependant on a relationship to make you happy.

[wolfmisha]

yeah to last 2 posters - im not drinking but not with her

i'm not atracted to those previous pleasures that kept me in ballance when i didnt have her and now im just left empty - its what i feel right now

she avoided me tonight and looks like will be dooing the same untill i give up

should i give up on her - i feel i shouldnt

[pcmaster]

I think you should give up on her. But it doesnt matter you give up on her or not. Most important dont give up on yourself. Believe that there is good days to come.

[smackie9]

Yes give up on her, the writing is on the wall......

[XyOh]

You should give up on her for now. I really doubt that you've managed to pull yourself together in a matter of two or three weeks. Put a few months or so under your belt. Do what MrLoyal said and get some exercise, drink lots of water, stay away from alcohol, and find a happy state of mind. When you're finally there, it will be easier to face her. If she doesn't want to have anything to do with you, your new happy state of mind will allow you to accept this.

[wolfmisha]

meh its all over - im sad - hard to find a happy state of mind right now