So it's went to shit again.

[Anonymousdude]

I hope it ends soon.

I've liked a girl since October. I hate her, not because she has done anything wrong, she hasn't. It's because she has made me feel like a weak, pathetic, asocial, unlikable idiot. I should be happy. I've got supportive friends and in general my life doesn't have any problems. Yet that doesn't change how I feel.

I started hanging out with her and a mutual male friend in January. I was apprehensive about hanging out with her because I knew my feelings would get deeper for her. And the last time I liked someone was when I was 14, granted I was young but before this I can never remember feeling so bad. When I liked a girl but she didn't feel the same. Yet she did like two of my best friends. And I had to sit beside and act like nothing.
Anyway, I decided I'd hang out because why not. It's not as if it could go that bad again.

So we hung out for a few months. In the beginning I thought I had a chance. I sent messages to her quite frequently (which I'm now ashamed of because...) but she didn't send me many messages. And we did do stuff but with the mutual friend. Finally I realized she didn't feel the same. That was in March. I felt really bad. Well I thought I did at least. But I told myself that I could get over her while still hanging out. But I couldn't. I kept on doing stuff with those two. I finally told the mutual male friend how I felt and asked that if he ever developed feelings for her he would tell me. Not because I wanted to stop anything but I wanted to be prepared for the worst. Because last time it happened I took it really badly. He promised he would.

Fast forward to two weeks ago. We still hung out. To me it felt like they were getting more intimate and I hated doing stuff with them. But I told myself my friend would tell me if he got any feelings for her so I endured. Even if it really hurt. The week after I was hanging out with a friend of mine and the mutual friend, who knew the person I liked since before school (however, they're not close friends). She mentioned something I can't remember that I reacted to. She could tell from that that I liked the girl. So she called me later that night and asked. I told her the truth. She told me it must be hard when a friend likes the same person you do. I asked her what she meant. She told me the male friend had asked her earlier in the week what the girl in question liked to do.

I understand that he likes her. If anyone would it would be me. That's not why I was really angry at him. It was because he had not told me. I get that it's an odd request but if you make a promise you have the responsibility to live up to that promise. At least if it's to a close friend. But he didn't. I confronted him about it and he said he had a slight interest since a week prior. But he knew my interest was much bigger. As if that makes a difference. As if he thought that made a diffrence considering the message he sent earlier that week. But he still doesn't know that I've seen that message. I'm not going to tell him either because she who showed me doesn't deserve to get involved in this. And I have no right to put their friendship at unease.

So I panicked and what's pretty much happened is... I've told the girl I like how I felt. I had planned to tell her in person two times but inconveniences made it impossible. So yes, I told her through facebook and you don't need to tell me how stupid it was. I hated doing it that way as well and I made that clear in the message to her.
I told her I liked her and that I really want to hang out when I get over her because she's really great to be with. She completely understood and handled it very nicely. Which I'm grateful for. Obviously this message was much much longer but this was a summary.

Yesterday I was in school, it was the day after I sent her the message. I thought I'd handle it all well... until I sat in the corridor and see her, her friend and the mutual male friend walk down. He made her laugh and they were going to hang out. I get it, great that she's happy. I get it, it's not for me to say who can be with who. But that was awful. For one it felt really in your face to me. The first day after I finally told her the truth and I see that. But honestly, the main issue I have is my friend.

I might be unrational. I might put way too much blame onto him because I hate this situation so much but god do I hate him. He's an extrovert and social person who everybody likes. He doesn't seem to have any ****ing troubles in his life. He just strolls around and everything in served on a silver platter to him. One second he doesn't like her and the next he does. And that exact second it feels like he immediately gets those feelings reciprocated from her. Yet he doesn't think of the feelings around him. He didn't tell me he felt this way. He just ignored it because it's convenient for him. And all I did was to be honest. I did nothing wrong. I was me. But that wasn't enough. I'm not good enough. But apparently he is for some kind of reason. I just don't think he deserves her but I can't say that because it's selfish so instead I just feel shit and I hate it.

[Wakeup]

Now that you told her you can actually learn how to forget about her (if she doesn't like you the same way) and stop putting all your eggs in one basket. Who cares why you do or do not "hate" the other dude. You waste so much time with negative emotions, any kind of emotions for that matter on people who don't even realize you've got your hate/love/indifference/crush/tolerance/lack of tolerance, you name it, aimed at them. What a waste of your energy and peace of mind.

[Anonymousdude]

Now that you told her you can actually learn how to forget about her (if she doesn't like you the same way) and stop putting all your eggs in one basket. Who cares why you do or do not "hate" the other dude. You waste so much time with negative emotions, any kind of emotions for that matter on people who don't even realize you've got your hate/love/indifference/crush/tolerance/lack of tolerance, you name it, aimed at them. What a waste of your energy and peace of mind.

Why? Because he's a friend and I meet him often. Recently I've stopped talking to him because he just makes me angry. But I can't stop thinking about it because he's friends with my friends and constantly there. And the girl I like who I am trying to get over might get into a relationship with him which puts fuel into the fire instead of letting it die out. I AM trying to get over her right now and that's fine but he's making it harder than it could be. And of course I think about it all because he didn't act like a friend should in my opinion and that makes me dissapointed and let down. It's easy to say it's wasted energy but I'm not choosing to think about it, I think about it because that's what's in my head.

[Valixy]

She told me the male friend had asked her earlier in the week what the girl in question liked to do.

I confronted him about it and he said he had a slight interest since a week prior.

The question he asked wasn't something that you could consider in any way advances towards that girl, and if he just started being a bit interested in her, he probably didn't think that it was worth mentioning to you yet. He hasn't done anything wrong in my opinion, he hasn't betrayed you and you're overreacting. Maybe he would have been honest with you if you had given him a bit more time.

Now the girl who told you about that message he had sent is either a bit nosey or she might be interested in you actually, have you thought about that? I don't think that she intended to create a bit of drama in your life, but maybe hoped that you'd stop being interested in the other girl and notice her instead?

There's nothing to be embarrassed about. You liked a girl and approached her. Good for you for having the courage. Now you know that she isn't on the same page, and you can forget about this. She's just a crush of the many crushes you'll have in life, there's no need to waste more time on this. If she doesn't like you, that's her loss, you just be yourself and confident that you'll meet more girls that you'll like much more than you liked her and they'll like you back in the same way. Also as you'll get older you'll learn to approach a girl without exposing yourself too much but this is not a rule, romances happen every day in the most unusual manners :-)

[Anonymousdude]

The question he asked wasn't something that you could consider in any way advances towards that girl, and if he just started being a bit interested in her, he probably didn't think that it was worth mentioning to you yet. He hasn't done anything wrong in my opinion, he hasn't betrayed you and you're overreacting. Maybe he would have been honest with you if you had given him a bit more time.

Now the girl who told you about that message he had sent is either a bit nosey or she might be interested in you actually, have you thought about that? I don't think that she intended to create a bit of drama in your life, but maybe hoped that you'd stop being interested in the other girl and notice her instead?

There's nothing to be embarrassed about. You liked a girl and approached her. Good for you for having the courage. Now you know that she isn't on the same page, and you can forget about this. She's just a crush of the many crushes you'll have in life, there's no need to waste more time on this. If she doesn't like you, that's her loss, you just be yourself and confident that you'll meet more girls that you'll like much more than you liked her and they'll like you back in the same way. Also as you'll get older you'll learn to approach a girl without exposing yourself too much but this is not a rule, romances happen every day in the most unusual manners :-)

I really doubt it. It's hard to explain but I know him and the way he is. He rarely takes other peoples feelings into account and I really don't think he would've told me any time soon.

I also really doubt the girl who told me likes me. She's pregnant actually. People have been trying not to mention their problems around her because she's got plenty of her own. It was different for me because she was the person who asked me what I felt about the girl and she was trying to help without me asking. Which I was grateful for. I think it's because people have you stopped mentioning the drama present in their life because she has plenty of her own and she doesn't like that. She told me herself that she thought it was sad people were doing this.

Also, I hope it's not odd or stupid that me and my crush who I'm trying to get over has decided that we'll hang out when I feel that I'm ready? She took it all really well and I told her I still want to hang out but only when I feel that the feelings I have for her are gone. She told me she really wants to hang out when I feel ready.

[Valixy]

Ok, you perceive something more from that guy, which might be a mere projection of your feelings that are a bit hurt at the moment or it might have some truth in it, but either way, you need to detach a little bit and let this go. Neither of them was very rude to you or did anything on purpose. Sometimes we like people who don't like us back and viceversa. It's not the ideal situation when the person we like might be interested in someone close to us, like your friend, but it happens.

I still think you're exagerating a bit, they aren't even going out together, and even if they were, this will be just a short experience in their lives and you'll also have many experiences like this. If you need to take some distance until you feel more relaxed and in control of your feelings, do that. I don't think that you should lose your friend over this but try to overcome it and change your perspective on things.

[smackie9]

Your sensitive I get that but no one said life was going to be easy. You can't expect everyone to coddle you by staying away from her. Stop being so butt hurt at the fact your friend is confident. He is the way because he isn't sitting around being all bitter, anxious, and feeling sorry for himself. People feel your negative vibe bro, that why life sucks for you.

Here's a tip: don't obsess or put a girl up on a pedestal. If you like a girl or just find her attractive, ask her out. If she says no, you saved yourself months of angst, failure, heart break. Don't sit there admiring her from afar like a chicken shit, only to have someone come a swoop in because they have balls.

[Wakeup]

. It's easy to say it's wasted energy but I'm not choosing to think about it, I think about it because that's what's in my head.

Change your brain/thoughts starring them to something NOT starring them. If you don't change your thoughts then you certainly ARE CHOOSING to think about it.