Love of My Life?

[Maple1714]

It's been a while since I've posted anything...so here I go.

I separated from the father of my child about 8 months ago. Very hard thing to do. Anyway, I recently visited my hometown for the first time in over a year. I saw an ex-boyfriend from college. We hadn't seen each other or really kept in touch at all over the past 10 years. I’ve always thought about him from time to time, but honestly I felt I had totally moved on. We had a great connection back then...a perfect connection. He calmed me and made me feel more content than anyone else in my life. We were 19 when we met, and I guess we both just thought we could find that connection with other people and took ours for granted. Young and naive. I moved away after college and I left him. He wasn’t ready to fully commit to me anyway…neither one of us were. He has done very well for himself since then; he is one of the most intelligent people I have ever met.

We spent all of our free time together when I was back in my hometown. Not only was our connection still there, it was even stronger. He is single now, just out of a 3yr relationship. She didn’t give him enough space. He likes his time…always has. Since the visit we have both told one another that we have always loved each other and know that we always will. We are in love again. He said he is amazed at how strong his feelings still are…or are again. It’s like no time has passed…we’ve just experienced more. He loves my daughter already, b/c he loves me. I want to marry him…we just haven’t verbalized that yet b/c we are both still taking it all in. One of us would have to move…change jobs etc. We could make it work.

My dilemma – our families for one. I know they are going to think this is all too sudden…too soon. His mom wont like the fact that I have a child already; conservative southerner. My parents are already freaking out b/c they think it’s too soon for me to be in this serious of a relationship. But, we can’t help it. I know in my gut that he is the love of my life. He always has been and no one else has ever come close to making me feel the way he does. He feels the same way. My other fear is that he has always been a bit of a ladies’ man. He likes attractive women…he is a flirt…but he is honest. I excepted that about him before, but it worries me a little now b/c marriage/kids is a big deal. I already tripped up once in that department. He has been with many women over the past 10yrs…he told me. He says he is ready to settle down now. How do I confront and combat these fears? Just looking for others who've had a similar experience...

[searock]

Have you actually discussed marriage with him? Made plans for your future together? Try not to take any life changing decisions while you are still in the honeymoon stage. You need to think this through and to make sure that you two want the same things.

[chinagirl]

You need to spend more time together. 10 years is a long time. He might have changed over the course of those years, so you need to take your time to get to know him again, especially now that you have a child, you need to approach any relationship with caution and not to make any drastic decision based on the thrill that you feel when in a new relationship.

[Maple1714]

I know...I know. We both know we want the same type of life. We have the same values, we spend and save $$$ the same way, we are planners, we have all the same interests (except fishing)...that we already know.

I think we were both just hit with this honeymoon stage all over again and it's thrown us for a loop. I am going to talk to him about what he thinks we should do in a couple days. Let things cool down for a bit. Give us both some space. But, is this really just a honeymoon phase all over again? Obviously, only time will tell...but we wont ever be able to tell unless one of us moves and we give it a try. I'm going to be very cautious...this is all so sudden and unexpected.

[chinagirl]

Honeymoon phase? Absolutely!

[Maple1714]

Haha. How many Honeymoon phases do two people need to go through before they just make that final commitment?

[chinagirl]

As many times as you break up and make up with this dude.

[Maple1714]

As many times as you break up and make up with this dude.

Agreed. I need to get my head out of the clouds. I'll just be patient and see what happens.

[IndiReloaded]

How long were you married? How long out is he from his breakup?

It may be you are healed after 8 months apart from your ex, but I'd be surprised if your BF is. No need to stop, but put the brakes on for sure. This is not about just the 2 of you, remember. You have a responsibility to your child.

[Maple1714]

How long were you married? How long out is he from his breakup?

It may be you are healed after 8 months apart from your ex, but I'd be surprised if your BF is. No need to stop, but put the brakes on for sure. This is not about just the 2 of you, remember. You have a responsibility to your child.

I was not married, but together for about 4 years with my daughters father.

The man I am speaking about is not my BF yet. We just reunited after 10 years of not seeing one another. When we were 19-22 we were an item. He has still remained the love of my life and we both realized that we still feel the same way still. Its just...we have jobs, own homes, I have a child...and we live 2,000 miles apart. Seeing each other again and feeling this way was a total surprise for both of us. I guess I am just trying to figure out how to move forward and so is he. We talked last night and decided to just sit back and process our feelings...and talk again soon about what we are thinking. We both know jumping into something or making huge life changing decisions on a whim isn't the best course of action. Yes, I do have a child and she comes first. I just don't want to ignore how I feel about this man...he is the only person I have ever thought about spending the rest of my life with. It's scary.

Oh, and he is over his last relationship. It's been a few months...but he ended it. He had been trying to end things for a while. He was never really in love he said, just going through the motions of what he thought felt like the right thing.

[Wakeup]

Maple: I think you really need to step outside your romantic self and look at this realisitically. You don't even know this man now. Its been 10 years and both of you have changed a great deal. If nothing else, you owe it to your daughter to make sure she's going to be safe with this man who you have totally given up your logical mind for.

8 months ago you met a man that you have not had anything to do with for 10 years, you're 2,000 miles apart. So just how many hours have you spent in his company since you visited your home town and ran into him again?

- - - Updated - - -

Just what actions has he shown you that would indicate to you that what you're feeling is "love?" Love is an action word and sex is not an action word that indicates that a man is showing you in action that he loves you. Do not confuse lust and infatuation with love. Don't to that again.

[IndiReloaded]

Ok so this isn't your typical Doomed Internet relationship. Old friends reconnecting isn't uncommon. Too bad Giga isn't posting anymore. She had an 'old friend' post-ex turned husband experience. The distance is a problem, but I've known couples who fell in love and one of them moved to make it work. That said, keep reading for my warning on this...

In your shoes, I would spend time (i.e. months) reconnecting through Skype. If you really like each other, you should be connecting several times a week, progressing to daily. Hopefully you are both financially secure enough to manage a visit in summer and at xmas. See what happens but go slow. Keep your child out of it until you have something solid.

Do keep in mind Wakeups caution about people changing with time. What you THINK you know about him is largely fueled by memory and may or may not be present reality. We tend to fill in unknowns with fantasy. Again, stay realistic and take it slow.

[Maple1714]

Maple: I think you really need to step outside your romantic self and look at this realisitically. You don't even know this man now. Its been 10 years and both of you have changed a great deal. If nothing else, you owe it to your daughter to make sure she's going to be safe with this man who you have totally given up your logical mind for.

8 months ago you met a man that you have not had anything to do with for 10 years, you're 2,000 miles apart. So just how many hours have you spent in his company since you visited your home town and ran into him again?

- - - Updated - - -

Just what actions has he shown you that would indicate to you that what you're feeling is "love?" Love is an action word and sex is not an action word that indicates that a man is showing you in action that he loves you. Do not confuse lust and infatuation with love. Don't to that again.

I hear you Wakeup. I just ran into him again a couple weeks ago...not 8 months ago. 8 months is how long I've been single. People can change over the course of 10 years. He and I have talked about that a little. I know I sure have changed!

- - - Updated - - -

Ok so this isn't your typical Doomed Internet relationship. Old friends reconnecting isn't uncommon. Too bad Giga isn't posting anymore. She had an 'old friend' post-ex turned husband experience. The distance is a problem, but I've known couples who fell in love and one of them moved to make it work. That said, keep reading for my warning on this...

In your shoes, I would spend time (i.e. months) reconnecting through Skype. If you really like each other, you should be connecting several times a week, progressing to daily. Hopefully you are both financially secure enough to manage a visit in summer and at xmas. See what happens but go slow. Keep your child out of it until you have something solid.

Do keep in mind Wakeups caution about people changing with time. What you THINK you know about him is largely fueled by memory and may or may not be present reality. We tend to fill in unknowns with fantasy. Again, stay realistic and take it slow.

The distance is an issue. He has a great job...old family $$ etc. He has lived a kind of playboy life for a long time...I worry he would have a hard time truly settling down. His last GF of 4yrs wanted to settle...he didn't want to, with her anyway. I am ready to settle, get married..etc with my next relationship. He and I have not talked about that yet. We will in time. We have been talking everyday since I left my hometown. We can afford to visit each other often. I am not ready to have him visit my home b/c of my child. I want to leave her out it like you suggest. I might suggest to him that we meet halfway somewhere nice for a weekend in a couple months....see how it goes.

Yes, I am a romantic. I need to be very cautious, I know. We do love each other...that we have expressed the day I left my hometown and since then. I will keep you all updated....

[Wakeup]

Maple, did you have sex with this man on your "visit to your hometown?"

[Maple1714]

Maple, did you have sex with this man on your "visit to your hometown?"

Hahaha...what do you think? I had gone without for 8 months!