Continuation of selfies . .. ... .... ..... monogamy debunked

[masticate]

So I realize my last thread "sexy selfies" was closed at the request of another poster.

I'll start by addressing that .. .unpleasantness ... It has been brought to my attention that it is not always socially acceptable to evaluate people's opinions based on logical merit because they were offered for free and in good faith. I can see how that came across as stubborn and argumentative and what I should have done is kept my opinions private and simply accepted the "four pages of good advice" I was given without uttering a word.

Now, moving forward, this issue of mine (in my relationship) was the whole reason why I joined this forum so I think it was a bit preposterous that my thread was closed ... as I have not received a formal explanation why... I am left to surmise simply that it was due to my argumentative nature which I find......... oh yeah... preposterous. The message you are sending me, as a forum, is that I am not allowed to talk about my issues at all if I'm going to express my own opinions on whatever subjects are discussed..... one final time: preposterous ... now..... moving forward,

I am writing this continuation thread because we have come to a resolution in our relationship and I am posting it here for evaluation, since many of you are already familiar with the story I thought you might like to know how the conflict was resolved. For the benefit of any new participants, I'll briefly reiterate that the prevalent opinion of respondents in my last thread thought the relationship was broken and over, not worth pursuing for even another day.

It has been a week since the photos were sent to me and I have taken that time to evaluate everything and come to a final conclusion that I can stand behind.

I have rationalized that no matter what I tried to do, no matter how many times I interfered, I was unable to make somebody do something I didn't want them to do. I did not want her to talk to SB yet she persisted for nearly five years, in spite of my repeated efforts to talk about it with her, encourage her to pursue a relationship with him if she wants one, as well as demand she stop speaking to him altogether. I have rationalized that if it is impossible to make somebody do something you don't want them to do then it is impossible and unreasonable to have expectations of people at all.

Instead, one can only commit to being honest and demand the same, for that is about the only thing a person has a "right" to in a relationship. Any continuation of this violates the fundamental premise that it is impossible to make somebody stop doing something just because you don't want them to. With this in mind, we have deliberately removed the concept of "promises" or "expectations" from our relationship. Monogamy is a false ideal that creates more heartbreak and lies every day than it could ever protect people from. It is a basic human right to form emotional and physical bonds with other humans and a relationship that infringes on this is therefore an infringement on your basic rights. Consenting to monogamy is like putting yourself in shackles ... even if you put them on yourself and gave the key to another you'll eventually try to break out because your spirit can not be bound by physical (or even metaphysical) means.

[smackie9]

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzz*hmmmff* what? did someone say something?

[masticate]

Good tactic!

Somebody is up to the challenge to refute my debunking of monogamy.

Anyone with an interest in deontological vs. virtue ethics ..

[HeartIsAching]

Ask your mom.

[Wakeup]

Consenting to monogamy is like putting yourself in shackles ... even if you put them on yourself and gave the key to another you'll eventually try to break out because your spirit can not be bound by physical (or even metaphysical) means.

Yes, it certainly would be like being shackled if you are not a monogamous inclined individual. However: If you are a monogamously inclined individual, it doesn't mean anything of the sort.

Go find a polyamorous sub and I think you'll be able to exercise your non-monogamy, control freakish partnership shackle free.

[masticate]

Yes, it certainly would be like being shackled if you are not a monogamous inclined individual. However: If you are a monogamously inclined individual, it doesn't mean anything of the sort.

Well, what if we had a relationship that would be defined as monogamous and violated .... wherein the violation in question was committed by the individual who is being credited with being 'monogamously inclined'?

(even if the potential exists that it was a retaliatory deed and monogamy is a spectrum rather than a dichotomy - a certainty we must accept if we are to claim monogamy is dominant in society as there are recent estimates that 50% of monogamous relationships are violated.)

In other words, she sent the pictures, she's the monogamist who is trying to override her ordinary feelings and adopt a new perspective based on the logic I have presented in this thread. However, she is the one who aptly demonstrated that even a monogamist individual can not wear their own shackles.

Go find a polyamorous sub and I think you'll be able to exercise your non-monogamy, control freakish partnership shackle free.

Here I perceive you are being dismissive however I will not be bothered by it.

Recently I have read in some of your other posts that this is a 'vanilla' forum; I can intuit that this probably means its membership is devoted to monogamist principles of olde so I have chosen a very inappropriate forum to discuss these somewhat radical ideas, even though I am open to logical refutation.

[Rowen]

So I realize my last thread "sexy selfies" was closed at the request of another poster.

It was closed because it was going nowhere. You have your answers from the other thread; don't expect any new/different insight.

[masticate]

don't expect any new/different insight.

Already got some.

I've moved on from my own personal case into a more generalized philosophy on love. No longer seeking advice for how to proceed. This is now a conversation about normative ethics and how monogamy is an irrational proposition, hence the title of the thread and the content within.

Polyamory is love without shackles; nothing more.

[michelle23]

6 years monogamous and going strong-great sex, lots of affection, fun, laughter, emotional support.. monogamy does it for me

Maybe its just not for you..

[KingZ]

Polyamory is love without shackles; nothing more.

This is coming from the guy who got extremely butthurt when his girlfriend was off showing her tits to other men.

[chinagirl]

Already got some.

"monogamy is an irrational proposition"

Polyamory is love without shackles; nothing more.

Monogamy is only irrational if both parties do not believe in it.

- - - Updated - - -

I'm in a loving, monogamous relationship yet I don't feel being restrained by my partner nor does he.

- - - Updated - - -

And even if assuming what you say has validity that 50% of monogamous relationships are violated, there are also cases wherein the cheater, once forgiven by the partner, has never again engaged in any sexual activity outside the relationship. So, polyamory is not always the solution to a non monogamous relationship.

[Valixy]

You might feel comfortable with the concept of the open relationship at mental level but this doesn't happen at emotional level too in your case, and we all know that love relationships are fundamentally emotional. Someone who is really fine with an open relationship and the idea of multiple partners wouldn't have felt hurt when certain things happened in the past between you and your girlfriend, but you suffered a lot for five years and that was not only because you two had not agreed on that or because of the lack of honesty. It was because deep down you want and need mutual love, loyalty and exclusivity in order to feel really happy and fulfilled.

Ideas are many times just that, ideas, and theoratically many possibilities may sound attractive, but the emotional reality of an individual is often much different and each owes it to himself to know his and respect it - for his own wellbeing of course and for being true to himself.

[michelle23]

My conclusion is this man is narcissistic. Sorry but his jibber jabber is giving me a headache and all his intellectual fluff and big words are just pissing me off. The relationship has been shit for 5years-trying an open relationship wont fix it, neither will getting married, buying a house, having kids etc.. you could try until your blue in the face to make this mess of a relationship work but its dysfunctional-always has been..

And I still think you have issues with equality. Your happy to be open but you wont be when she does the same. Your gonna destroy each other

[KingZ]

My conclusion is this man is narcissistic. Sorry but his jibber jabber is giving me a headache and all his intellectual fluff and big words are just pissing me off. The relationship has been shit for 5years-trying an open relationship wont fix it, neither will getting married, buying a house, having kids etc.. you could try until your blue in the face to make this mess of a relationship work but its dysfunctional-always has been..

And I still think you have issues with equality. Your happy to be open but you wont be when she does the same. Your gonna destroy each other

Kinda love you right now.

[michelle23]

Lol I cant get through one of his posts. If I was his gf id be so ****ing bored.