I've been together with her since the 1st of May. She's 19, I'm 17. This is my 1st relationship, and the 3rd for her. When we got together I didn't care about anything else but her. I was madly in love and whenever we kissed I felt really hard to hold back. I thought to myself that she's the best girl I could ever meet despite this being my first relationship, and that's true to be honest. She also told me that I'm the best she's ever had, which I find hard to believe sometimes.
We've told each other everything about our lives, even our most feared secrets. I've literally spent 28 days out of our first 30 with her every day till 7PM.
I was hanging out with her once and all of the sudden, while we were in the middle of a conversation I suddenly felt like I'm in a dream/movie and I did not feel close to her anymore. She looked like a stranger. I was so scared. From then on stressed about it 24/7. I worried that we were going to break up for some unknown reason, that I was falling out of love, that I could not connect with her anymore or what not. The more I worried about it the worse it got.
In addition to all of this, I was not sleeping, having panic attacks, for no apparent reason. I felt like a completely different person. I didn't enjoy much anymore and I just wanted to cry and be alone.
It comes in waves, I will feel like my girlfriend and I don't connect, don't work, like everything he does annoys me, and that I must have to break up with him, but when it gets all clear for I while I change my mind. Everything will be cloudy and I won't sleep well and feel incredibly unsettled. Then I usually feel incredibly overwhelmed and cry and freak out. Usually after that it is like someone takes my blinders off and I can see clearly, like everything is okay and I'm just causing problems. I feel all of my love for him, I feel connected with him, and life other than that usually makes sense.
I am just so confused. Is this depression messing with my head? How do I fight it? Or am I just fighting my true feelings? Sometimes I will just wake up with this insanely unsettling feeling and not know why. I don't know what to do. The idea of not being with her breaks my heart. I know that we won't be together forever. I know that we are young. But I don't think that means that I should not treat this like a real relationship... So please, just give me your opinions about what the heck is going on in my head. I am currently in a "bad" state.