What is classed as a long distance relationship?

[Simpo]

Basically what would people class as a long distance relationship? I'm talking to a girl just now and she lives approximately an hour (driving) and an hour and 10 by train away from where I live and we've talked about going on a date but she's not sure if she wants a long distance relationship but is an hour long distance?

Distance between us is just under 50 miles and if I drive at a quick pace can get there in under an hour.

Any thoughts on this?

[chinagirl]

I don't know... My guess would be that it depends on the person. Some people may consider having a relationship that is an hour away "geographically" undesirable, whereas some people don't mind driving over an hour to see their love interest.

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I once dated a guy who lived 4.5 hours away and he didn't mind driving on the weekends to come see me.

[Simpo]

True I suppose. I don't mind driving an hour at all or even train but she doesn't have the best paying job so money may be a hurdle. I understand it might be slightly hard to begin with but I feel if it reached a point where I could stay at her house or hers at mine on the weekend it would allow much more time to get to know each other but need to go on a date first

[chinagirl]

True I suppose. I don't mind driving an hour at all or even train but she doesn't have the best paying job so money may be a hurdle. I understand it might be slightly hard to begin with but I feel if it reached a point where I could stay at her house or hers at mine on the weekend it would allow much more time to get to know each other but need to go on a date first

I totally agree... The beginning is always hard but once you establish the relationship and are comfortable enough to stay in each others place, then it becomes easier. Ask her to give it a try. There's really not much to lose.

[smackie9]

I wouldn't call it long distance, but I would call it a waste of time because it will become costly, and time consuming. Sure you can work around it but you need to think into the furture when you want to live together....who is going to leave their town, friends, and job to be with the other. This is somehting that has to be concidered not too far down the road.

[Simpo]

I wouldn't call it long distance, but I would call it a waste of time because it will become costly, and time consuming. Sure you can work around it but you need to think into the furture when you want to live together....who is going to leave their town, friends, and job to be with the other. This is somehting that has to be concidered not too far down the road.

or we could just find middle ground...? Tat way we can still see friends and not have to change jobs, just adds 20 mins to our trips

[Wakeup]

True I suppose. I don't mind driving an hour at all or even train but she doesn't have the best paying job so money may be a hurdle. I understand it might be slightly hard to begin with but I feel if it reached a point where I could stay at her house or hers at mine on the weekend it would allow much more time to get to know each other but need to go on a date first

I think if you were what she was looking for, she'd say the distance wasn't that far. Give up on her and find someone who isn't telling you that she doesn't want a long distance relationship as an excuse to not see you again.

[michelle23]

or we could just find middle ground...? Tat way we can still see friends and not have to change jobs, just adds 20 mins to our trips

Yes and then you are both islolated.. What if you want to go out for dinner and need a babysitter to mind your kids? You cant call mom five minutes away to look after them, you need to pay a sitter and find someone close that you trust..
I feel secure knowing my grandmother, parents, close aunts and uncles, cousins etc are all within a 10-15minute walk of my house.. but thats just me

[basilandthyme]

Basically what would people class as a long distance relationship? I'm talking to a girl just now and she lives approximately an hour (driving) and an hour and 10 by train away from where I live and we've talked about going on a date but she's not sure if she wants a long distance relationship but is an hour long distance?

It's long distance to her. This is all that matters.

For what it's worth, I think it's got very little to do with how much she's interested. For example, part of what makes a guy perfect *for me* is proximity. A guy could be the nicest guy in the world, but I'd be very unlikely to travel more than a 10km radius. Unless he lived near the beach....this would negate the distance issue

[Simpo]

As for kids... I'm only 20 so kids are the last thing I want to think about if at all. I also live out in the middle of nowhere and my family are scattered all over the north east of Scotland so there would always be someone within 10-15 mins of me.

It's long distance to her. This is all that matters.

For what it's worth, I think it's got very little to do with how much she's interested. For example, part of what makes a guy perfect *for me* is proximity. A guy could be the nicest guy in the world, but I'd be very unlikely to travel more than a 10km radius. Unless he lived near the beach....this would negate the distance issue

Really? So if you met an amazing person you wouldn't put in a little effort into going that extra mile to see them? If proximity is a problem with most girls then I'm screwed since I live about 10 minutes from the nearest village and 40 minutes from the nearest town

[basilandthyme]

Really? So if you met an amazing person you wouldn't put in a little effort into going that extra mile to see them?

I probably wouldn't bother getting to know them if they were outside my radius...so it's kind of a moot point. "Where do you live?" would be one of my first questions

Edited to add: it would be different if I had no fixed address and moving to their area wasn't an unpleasant thought. This happened when I met my hubby: I was couch surfing and he lived about 40mins away. So, I found a flat in his area when it was time

[Simpo]

Well originally she seemed really interested in me, this is when she knew the distance between us. She opened up to me about a very emotional time in her life about an abusive family member and she said she trusted me since I seemed different to other guys (i.e. didn't just want into her pants) and considering she has trust issues I felt that I must stand out or something. Also she said I was really cute and agreed to go see a film and get some dinner together but didn't want to class it as a date for some reason. She brought up her ex saying that he can be aggressive and blames her for things even though they're no together and now she is saying she is not sure if she is any good at long distance so kind of confused now :s. Seem to be getting mixed signals, am I over thinking this or ?

[kw86]

Wow I'm really surprised most of you think an hour distance is a big deal. My current girlfriend is 1.5 hour away and is a luxury. If money is an issue I understand it makes things more complicated, but imo an hour should not be a reason to end things.

[basilandthyme]

Sorry Simpo, there are no mixed signals - you've been well and truly friendzoned. Yes, she may have confided in you, but it's totally normal for a girl to confide in a friend. Why did you get friendzoned? Because of the very thing which made you different - lack of sex vibe.

Suggest you tell her that if she doesn't want a date, then you'll find someone who does want a date. Then wish her good luck with her life.

[Simpo]

Sorry Simpo, there are no mixed signals - you've been well and truly friendzoned. Yes, she may have confided in you, but it's totally normal for a girl to confide in a friend. Why did you get friendzoned? Because of the very thing which made you different - lack of sex vibe.

Suggest you tell her that if she doesn't want a date, then you'll find someone who does want a date. Then wish her good luck with her life.

whoever made the whole friendzone thing should be shot! I've been friendzoned far too many times already, soo tired of it. I'm really tired of girls saying that they are being treated badly by their boyfriends and want a nice guy for a change but then I introduce myself and they go straight after the bad boy again...

As for asking the girl out, she was busy last night and forgot to text me back so got a really sorry text this morning so I'm going to use this against her (slightly cruel but starting to feel that I'm being too nice for my own good) so I'm going to say that I forgive her but she need to make it up to me by letting me take her on a date, or something along those lines