I messed up big time... to tell or not to tell?

[michelle23]

Look up the TIME article by Andrea Sachs called "Why we have Affairs - And why not to tell"
And if you don't.. the line you should get out of it is:

Honesty is great, but it's an abstract moral principle.... The higher moral principle, I believe, is not hurting people. And when you confess to having an affair, you are hurting someone more than you can ever imagine.

If you tell her, you're just making yourself feel a little less guilty because "Oh look, at least I was honest." at the expense of her immense pain. Do the right thing and live up to the consequences.

As a woman, if my man cheated on me but it meant nothing to him - I'd rather not know. If it meant something to him, well Id hope he'd get out of my life. So work out whether you love this woman, and go from there.

This is really bad advice IMO. If you would rather live a lie to save your self esteem-fine.. but if I was cheated on-I wouldnt feel insecure for the rest of my life. Most people get over it, they move on, meet someone else.. they heal.. this is total BS IMO.. Having integrity is also about having balls and having the guts to admit you F'd up and face the consequences. So what if it hurts? Its better than living a lie and pretending everything is fine

[confusedguy1012]

We talked, I told her she's pissed as she is right to be we broke off the engagement but not the relationship......yet

[anya_may21]

That was right of you to do. Give her space and time now.

[Darrow]

Vertigo had a very good view. Honestly is the best virtue however sometimes you have to sacrifice certain virtues to allow others to show.