He wont forgive

[whyk43]

I told him he was using and lying to me, I didn't want him in my life anymore. I felt I was so right, his actions proved this and many times we had talked, no change. He replies that I'm wrong, and said I was playing the poor victim., to delete his number. That was it. No discussion. This was all over text btw cuz I couldn't get a hold of him by phone. We were friends first that wanted to enjoy each other sexually, but honestly and with respect.

After a few days, I tried to apologize to him for my harsh words and for getting so frustrated. He didn't reply. I waited a week, no reply. I have sent the most heartfelt sincere apologies and he wont say anything back. No discussion, no telling me anything, nothing. His behavior leading up to this was not ok. But we were friends. I want him to be my friend again, he said we always will be.

I feel horrible because I just want to fix this, or at least make things not so hostile. What can I do?

[pcmaster]

The love is gone. After sex people ussualy dong go back to being friends. Dont take face value of what he says. He said he will always be your friend. Not the first time he lied. Find a new friends and learn from this.

[whyk43]

We never had sex....just fooled around. The intention was to but it never happened. I just don't know why he refuses to speak to me. Not even to say anything, or just talk. If we talk everything will be fine as friends.... he knows that. He just doesn't want to and I cannot understand why. He knows I truly do value and appreciate him. It really is making me feel awful, I've never had conflict with anyone like this in my life and it seems so easy to fix, even if we go our separate ways after. He knows I can't bear this type of thing, and it eats me alive, but he just doesnt care. I don't know how to get through this.

How fortunate some people are to have people that would do anything to make sure things are ok and not ask anything from them at all,yet they reject them so coldly. I have offered the most sincere apologies and nothing. I don't understand.

[basilandthyme]

Yeah, I've refused the apologies for being accused with similar words over something I hadn't done. Why would I want to have someone in my life who would accuse me of dreadful things and tell me that I'm not longer wanted in their life? Life's too short to bother with someone who does this to us....and there are plenty of other, far better friends to be had. You can't be OK or friends with someone after saying what you did. Do you have no concept of the power your words have to injure or hurt beyond repair?

That being said, if you have proof that he was indeed doing these things, why do you want to stay in contact? Hon, if you're at the point of telling someone that you no longer want them in your life, then good riddance to them. Unless of course this was all a big hissy fit to try and manipulate him into doing what you want?????

Don't EVER tell someone that you don't want them in your life unless you're 100% ready to have them gone from your life.

[whyk43]

Anyone would've thought the same thing I did based on his actions. He was acting like he was stringing me along. He was doing things that he knew were hurtful to me. I had just had enough, and said those things. He said I was wrong, and to delete his number. After thinking about it, I thought what if there is that 1% chance that he was right?? We obviously were not compatible in a romantic sense, and what he was doing was NOT ok, and was NOT what we had agreed to. But I don't want to lose him as a friend. The way he was acting, I didn't think that he would care that I didn't want him in my life anymore, I had felt so embarrassed and so sad that he was treating me the way he was. He has never acted like he cared either way. But again, I donl't want to lose hin, and he says I'm wrong....so I admitted to everything being my fault, and was sincere and heartfelt in my apologies.

[basilandthyme]

I still have no concept of why you think he'd want to be your friend after saying what you did. Hon, you just can't say that stuff to a person and expect them to still be your friend afterwards.

And still, I can't see why you want him as a friend if his behaviour prior to this was so appalling. You need to find yourself some GOOD friends, not try and keep friends who treat you badly. Are you really so desperate for friends that you'd want him around?

[whyk43]

I got caught in my emotions...and was extremely embarassed and upset. I felt so humuliated, as he was the first person I had ever pursued anything sexual with and it was such a failure. I felt so awful and reacted. I'm truly sorry for saying those words....I've tried everything I could to convey that.
K
In a way I am desperate to have him as a friend. I don't have any friends that I have the same level of conversation with, and I dont know males who can talk about the things we did. I don't know if it was one sided tho...i think it was. I simply don't know which makes me regret. It was all my fault. I should've expected very little from him and not have done any of the sexual things. As a friend everything would've been fine

[basilandthyme]

I guess all you can do is chalk this up as a learning experience.

[TablesandChairs]

The guy wasn't treating you well; I'm guessing your had some valid reasons for accusing him but again, the onus is on you - if someone isn't meeting your expectations (and it doesn't sound like yours were very high), move on. Secondly, you don't need to offer 1000 apologies; it's not like you cheated or killed his first born for God's sake. You were exasperated towards his behaviour and you reacted. Stop putting yourself on lower footing...invest your energy into pursuing the right person...someone who gives back, someone who wants you and will work towards creating something with you. Honestly, you've apologised, that's all you can do and should do. If he doesn't want friendship, that's fine. Broaden your social circle, don't rely on this guy.

[Vertigo]

You shouldn't beat yourself up about saying those things. His actions led to your words. It wasn't as if you're abusive out of the blue.

This sounds like the ending to my relationship three weeks ago where my (now) ex did a lot awful things that led me to say some cruel things to him - of which I apologized for. However, though he took my apology well (or claimed he did) I was 100% ready for him to continue being angry at me.

The thing is, you say its only been a few days. You have to let these things settle. Different people take different amounts of time forgiving. Some might hold a grudge forever. Over little things. Over non-things. And they have the right to. If he never forgives you, the loss is his.

[HIA]

I just don't know why he refuses to speak to me. Not even to say anything, or just talk.

He just doesn't want to and I cannot understand why. He knows I truly do value and appreciate him.

It really is making me feel awful, I've never had conflict with anyone like this in my life and it seems so easy to fix, even if we go our separate ways after.

He's not making you feel anything - you are. Take responsibility for your own feelings, and for the actions that led to you having them.

You ran a game on him - you attempted to use a big lever to force something from him, and instead of the reaction you wanted, you got the reaction you deserved. Never give an ultimatum unless you're willing to live with the consequences.

[whyk43]

He's not making you feel anything - you are. Take responsibility for your own feelings, and for the actions that led to you having them.

You ran a game on him - you attempted to use a big lever to force something from him, and instead of the reaction you wanted, you got the reaction you deserved. Never give an ultimatum unless you're willing to live with the consequences.

I did not run a game on him, and I never gave an ultimatum. Not sure where that came from...I was done and I thought he would just ignore me like usual. But he responded and said I was wrong, and that made me realize I couldn't cut him off. I've said in my post that I take responsibility for what I said, and I wish I hadn't gone so far. I just had wished I had the opportunity to express my regret.

[michelle23]

He wanted a friends with benefits thing coz hes not interested in you romantically. You wanted more so he cut you off.. its never a good idea to offer sex in return for love.. should be the other way around.

The best thing now is to go your separate ways and learn your lesson. FWB doesnt work. At least one person wants more and they get hurt. In future, seek commitment first and make sure your not being used coz some men will say/do anything to get you into bed

[basilandthyme]

His actions led to your words.

Just like how a woman's actions can lead a man to beating the crap out of her, huh? Nice piece of victim blaming you've got going there

[Vertigo]

Just like how a woman's actions can lead a man to beating the crap out of her, huh? Nice piece of victim blaming you've got going there

Did you even read the rest of my post or do you go around taking snippets of what people say so you can misrepresent their views?

I clearly stated that OP should be 100% ready for him to not forgive her because she did him wrong with those words. I am simply pointing out that there is no point for OP to waste her time mulling over her words but rather use the time to understand why she did what she did (she said hurtful things because she was angry. Does that make it right? NO. But can we understand cause & effect? YES.) so that in future, not repeat the same mistake.

I am thoroughly confused as to how you can just pick words out of entire viewpoints and miscontrue them like that... :/