Don't know what to do :(

[ell93]

I've been with my partner for 6 years - I was 15 when we first started dating, he was 19. We moved in together when I was 18.
Our relationship has been rough. There have been a lot of trust issues, especially in the early years because I was so young and lacked maturity. We used to live in a small country town, and although he has never admitted it, there was a lot of talk about him sleeping with another girl. Of course it has been his word against theirs, but with my own eyes I saw hidden messages from her, a love note in the wallet etc. After this incident there have been others, such as hiding a girls number in his phone and covering it with a male name so I didn't know. Things like this have scarred our relationship big time, and there have been times where I threatened to leave, he would beg and cry for me to stay, so I would. Apart from trust/faith issues, he is a generally nice guy & treats me well, but I have always had this feeling that I can do better, and I have often fell out of love.

4-5 months ago I had to move away to start attending university, so we have been doing long distance. I do feel lonely at times, but at the same time I have enjoyed it - living in a share house and being independent, meeting lots of new people while at university, and I feel that I have a kind of new insight on life now.

Last night I told him that I don't feel the same way, that I don't ever feel like sex with him, or even want to kiss (these are re-occurring feelings for me). I also told him that I can't see our relationship progressing into things like children, buying a house and marriage because of all that has happened. Of course he was upset, he said he can 'make' me love him, that he is a changed man and that we need to give it time. The thing is, I have given it 6 years worth of time and things still aren't great. I think he also expects that I will eventually just get over these things. I can forgive but some things you can't just forget.
To me these are more than good enough reasons to break up, but to him I am being a bit silly to just end a relationship 'without trying'.
My question is, am I being selfish and silly? Because the more I think about it the more I doubt whether to go along with a breakup

[javko]

Interesting story. First I would like to say is that you have to do what makes YOU happy. If you aren't happy then not your boyfriend, friend, family, dog, cat and so on can be happy around you. If you don't have feelings for him anymore tell him everything and let it be. If you still feel like you could go back to being lovers then talk again to him and try to make things better. From what I read the first issue is that your relationship lacks the main factor "trust" (remember that word its major in love or any friendship or what ever). If you can't trust the person next to you then talk to him, if he still doesn't try to help or fix what ever trust issues you two had then.. well dump him I guess. Another thing. Don't feel bad about dumping him!

- - - Updated - - -

Don't feel bad about it and love yourself. Be happy! And learn from your mistakes. Good luck and have a wonderful day!

[TablesandChairs]

Break up and live your life!

I have a similar story - I met my first partner at 17. He was all I knew for the next several years. He made so many attempts at changing...all of them failed. After a while, I had zero attraction towards him and could not get it back no matter what.

Anyway, leaving him was the best decision I've ever made...I met new people, had some great relationships (ultimately leading to the man I'm engaged to now), achieved a lot education and career wise...

We've kept in touch and he's been married/divorced and just made the same mistakes with his subsequent partners...

[MonaLisa]

You are not in the relationship emotionally and mentally anymore, not even physically, so what's the point? Any attempt to love him again would fail.