Is there a chance I can turn this around?

[jack123]

Hi there,

Sorry, long post...

So I met this girl one evening, we clicked, but she was put off by my younger age. When I asked for her number she was reluctant (I believe because she found out I was two years younger....also worth noting she said I looked like a friend of hers which turned out to be her ex, who she now hates) but invited me to the bar she was leaving for for a chat. We got on very well during our "chat" we had tonnes in common and shared a lot of interests, there was plenty of flirting and we kissed.

We messaged each other lots and met up the following week for the first date, went well, turns out we've even more in common than imagined. She dropped the bomb that she has a child just a drunken result of a night with a friend of hers years ago. I was cool with that.

We messaged loads, then I set up another date, but she bailed last sec, she had been working all day (sending me pics to prove) and was absolutely shattered. We then planned to meet again which in hindsight was an invitation to come to hers, it wasn't a clear cut invitation though (she said she was free to hang out but not out out since she has the kid) I didn't want to be like "so is that an invite to see you at yours?" as it was a bit rude to assume in my opinion. She ended up messaging me later that eve saying "your not coming then?". She must have been waiting for me. I told her I was confused then sort of got angry in a joking way to say why didn't I clear it up. Immediately agreed to meet the following day, I messaged her around 6 (since I was super busy all day in work) to ask what the plan is (she again said she couldn't go out out since she had the kid) but then she said too late now she has made plans and that I should of messaged her earlier. But she still really wants to see me.

In the mean time, I went away for 7 days holiday, when I got back she was away for 4 and we message each other only once between them days. When on holidays I wasn't roaming so literally didn't have access to my phone, then she was at a festival for her 4 days so I didn't bother message her as I knew she'd be occupied. After all got back to normal I messaged her how she was....no response...asked whats up a day later (dont want to come across as needy). Then another day passes, no answer so I've a feeling she is ignoring me. I ring her. No answer. Then I text her saying "hope you are ok after the festival, haven't heard from you in a couple of days. is everything alright?". She replies saying she is good, but wants to let me know that she no longer wants to stay in contact.

Some background info: We get on very well, She was very into me, lots of compliments and mirrored behaviour, everything I said i liked she'd agree or come up with a story of how shes like that, she moan when i was about to go on holidays and say shes looking forward to when im back etc etc. One thing she did say was that she only gives men one chance. A guy once got her number but then missed a digit, he went back up to her and asked again but she said "sorry no". We have sooooo much in common its crazy and we get along really well when texting / on the phone. She has said its like shes known me all her life and I inspired her to do something she hasnt done in a long time.

I have a feeling she thinks I was playing with her about screwing up the meet ups and wasnt putting 100% in, so when the holidays came up and we didnt message for days, maybe she thought, "ah he clearly isnt that into me, ill drop him".

What do you think? I messaged her back saying that i was getting the vibe she was through based on the lack of replys to my texts and asked for a reason she didnt want to see me again, and also said id respect her decision and leave her be.

I really want to message her and tell her that i genuinely am really into her and want to see her, and tell her that i think she doesn't want to see me because of the perceived lack of interest on my part, but really it was because of a lack of roaming data etc that i never messaged her for a week. Was I just a way of her getting over her ex?

[Wakeup]

She dropped the bomb that she has a child just a drunken result of a night with a friend of hers years ago.

This is a huge red flag about her state of mind and her inability to be responsible. "Just a drunken result of a night with a friend?" Oh, just that ??? O.o

You'd be doing yourself a favor to get away from her drama and find someone your own age and have your own children when you're ready and mature as well as financially responsible enough to raise one in good standing.

She's older then you and she's been there done that. "she only gives men one chance" at what, getting her drunk and pregnant?

If you were my son I'd want you well away from her and her "chances."

[jack123]

This is a huge red flag about her state of mind and her inability to be responsible. "Just a drunken result of a night with a friend?" Oh, just that ??? O.o

You'd be doing yourself a favor to get away from her drama and find someone your own age and have your own children when you're ready and mature as well as financially responsible enough to raise one in good standing.

She's older then you and she's been there done that. "she only gives men one chance" at what, getting her drunk and pregnant?

If you were my son I'd want you well away from her and her "chances."

It was 8 years ago and she seems a very level headed woman now, one of the main things about her that sticks out is her maturity. Can you enlighten me on why you think she suddenly doesn't want contact? I'd like to at least know where I went wrong so it doesnt happen with the next girl.

[Wakeup]

It won't "happen" with the right woman. And I don't think she's matured much if she would have you come to her house when her daughter is there and she (this chick) doesn't even know you from Adam. It's not "level headed" to be introducing stranger men to one's children or having different men coming in and out of her life. Having men over when the child isn't with her would be a far better way of proving that she has her daughter's best interests in mind.

FWIW I don't think you did anything wrong. There was miscommunication going on and remember "she only gives guys one chance" pffft. *rolls eyes*.

You're dodged a bullet. Move onward and upward from her.

[Confused1234500]

Well from my point of view the above opinions are a little too opiniated. Jesus we all make mistakes and maybe she did have a child after a one night stand...8 whole years ago!! Maybe she only gives guys one chance as she has been hurt and is trying to protect herself. I agree have to be careful inviting men to meet a child but Im a single mum and ye I dnt introduce lots of men to her but I have, if met someone and been talking a while say I just have a friend over. How many ppl meet someone after only meeting in a pub? Like that's so sensible. Personally I'd be totally honest with what ur thinking as it seems there may have just been some miscommunication x

[Wakeup]

She said she got pregnant after a drunken fk with HER FRIEND. It doesn't matter if it was 8 years ago or yesterday... she was irresponsible to be doing that without making sure
she was safe from having an unwanted pregnancy with a man that was not her committed partner.

Further... Op asked her out and she said come to her house instead because she didn't have a sitter. Then when the signals got mixed, she said "too late I've made other plans" which means, since she couldn't go out, that another person was going to her house. If it was a woman friend, then why not have the Op over as well for a drink? It was likely another man she made the plans with. (Bringing men around her daughter is irresponsible before she's in a long term committed and exclusive relationship)

To go further: A guy got her phone number and missed a digit and went back to get it and she said "sorry no." cause she only gives a guy one chance. She's either an idiot or she's not interested in these guys that she only gives one chance to. Seems she only gave the father of her baby one chance too and that's all it took.

My posts were not about you Confused so no need to be on the defensive about what you've done in your past.

I still stick to my original thoughts that the Op is better off not wanting anymore "chances" from her and to pursue chicks who, like him have no children or those who don't get drunk and fk their friends without a rubber or being on BC.

Whether you think I'm too opinionated or not... those are the facts as I see them.

@ OP. You didn't do anything wrong and don't let her make you think you did. She's nutty as a fruit cake and she did you a favor. Give her no more chances either.