Lost

[JCF91]

Hi everyone. I'm new to this whole forum thing, and I feel like I have nowhere else to turn, so I thought I would see if anyone on here could give me some advice.

So this basically goes back to 2007 when I first met my ex online. We talked for a few months and he came over from the UK to see me in may of 2008 and everything was fine. I went over to see him in july the same year and spent a month with him and his family. Unfortunately the whole thing ended, and not well. Back then I was a pretty quiet young lady and my ex was a troubled young man. He was the one who ended the short relationship, just kinda let it fizzle out so it wasn't really a face to face breakup. He was on my mind pretty much every single day after that.

Anyway, he contacted me in 2012 and wanted to be friends, so that's what happened. He said he would never leave me again and we have been talking for 2 years now. And I'm falling for him again. He's told me I'm the love of his life, first time a few month ago and he hadn't been drinking at that time. Sometimes says mean things when he's been drinking (he drinks a bit too much, and he has admitted to me that he has a problem) but he's mostly sweet, but this still makes me question his feelings for me. He's told me he wants to marry me, but a week ago he said he would "marry" someone else, a girl he had just started talking to online (he said this while drunk). We talked on the phone later that day and he said he didn't mean what he said earlier and he tells me again I'm the love of his life and that he loves me (still drunk...). The thing is, I think I feel the same way but don't know if I should tell him or not, since I don't know if he actually means what he says. I do know he can't express how he feels when sober, so he says everything while drunk.

He was supposed to come see him in may and he had bought a ticket and everything, but then he couldn't come, so he would come later that month. He didnt, because there was so much going on at work at that time (he had time off for a few weeks but said he had to go to meetings at his job)... He then told me he would come see me in june, but he never did. And after that last time he said he would save money this month and come see me in august. But I said the other day that he better come see me in aug, to which he replies "I'm going to Belgium in sep and all" and wanted me to come with, but I can't 'cause I'm starting school that same month. He just keeps postponing it, so it makes me doubt if he really wants to see me even though he said I could come with to Belgium and that he loves me and everything. I know I can go see him whenever I want, but I don't know... It just feels like I get mixed signals and I don't know what to say or how to react to it. We haven't talked for two days now and I try not to be too obsessed about him not messaging me even though I see he spends time on whatsapp and still wont message me, which adds to my doubts about his feelings. This has happened before and it hurts every time because I can't stop thinking he's talking to someon else and has lost interest in me. He usually messages me again though.

So what should I do? What do you think is going on? Should I leave him be for a while? Any advice is welcome, because I'm totally lost, annoyed and sad. I want to tell him how I feel so badly, but I don't know how he will react since he's not the type of person to say a lot about things like emotions and stuff. Sorry if this post was a bit confusing, it sounds so much better in my head when I go over it haha

[dem862]

Well, don't put much stock in anything a drunk person says. Actually, starting a relationship with a drunk is a pretty bad idea anyway.

[nico88]

Have to agree with dem862. This guy kinda seems like he himself doesn't know what he wants. That's definitely not what you want to look for in a partner..

[TablesandChairs]

He probably is seeing someone else; face facts. Drunk people have a habit of telling truths they would keep to themselves when sober. So, this guy basically tells you he's going to marry someone else...then retracts the statement the next day...and you think this is sort of okay? It's not.

For a long distance relationship to work, you need 100% commitment - anything less and you're doomed for failure. He's nowhere near that 100%.

Why are you wasting time on this? I mean, if you're early 20's, then I guess you have time to lose. If you're not, I'd start thinking about your future. My friend wasted 7 years on someone who strung her along...she's not 37 and her prospects are a lot slimmer than they were at 30. He, on the other hand, is now married to someone 10 years younger. Life is a cruel mistress sometimes.

[JCF91]

Thanks guys, I appreciate your advice. Think I really needed to hear it all, even though it's tough to hear the truth.