Every girl I feel a connection with ends up ignoring me...

[monochrome]

Hi everyone, I'm new here. I know the topic name is a bit vague, but I really didn't know what to write specifically. I'm not sure what I'm trying to achieve by posting this, if just getting this off my chest, or getting advice or both. But I felt like I needed to write something.

Just a little background, I'm a 28 year old guy from Japan, I've never been in an actual real relationship (only flings, for some reason I always have problems with girls that I really like... more on that later. But I've never had any problems with flings, they usually go great and are fun), I'm an all around nice guy, smart, with lots of different interests and many hobbies. I think I'm a different, interesting person. Now onto the actual problem: for some reason, with every girl with whom I actually felt a connection and wanted to pursue something more serious, I get the same results: we go out, we really enjoy each other's company, she shows a LOT of interest (of course, not all of them, but it's been the norm) and often find stuff to do so the night is not over, but the next day (or the next) most of my attempts of communication are in vain. I either get completely ignored, or get a very dry response. Usually it just stops there because I don't see the interest anymore and don't feel like diving in too deep and get hurt. Only once I got really hurt from this, because this girl ignored me for a few weeks and then out of nowhere invited me to her home, and then more ignoring, and another invitation, so everytime we went out, we kinda had to start "all over" (you know, we feel all weird and anxious as if it was a first date), and eventually she just disappeared.

I don't get it.

Two days ago, I was out in a pub and a girl struck up a conversation with me (none of us was drunk, just for the record). We find out our line of work is actually in the same area, so we just spent hours talking. She kept getting closer to me and finding reasons to touch me in the arm (and I reciprocated). Before parting ways, we exchanged information (e-mail and mobile numbers), and she left first. After a while I also left and we bumped into each other again on the way to the train station. She actually had to go to a different place near the station but decided to accompany me to the station and stayed there with me until the train arrived. We said our goodbyes and said we should keep in touch and do something again.

Now, yesterday I sent her a text saying it was great to have met her, and that we should do something whenever she was free. No reply at all. I know it's been one day since that, and I'm probably over exaggerating (especially since the text doesn't even show up as read yet), but can you blame me? This is so familiar! It happens everytime! Maybe tomorrow I'll have a reply, and we go out again, that would be amazing as I feel we really clicked, but my brain just keeps saying "nope, not gonna happen". I'm getting tired of feeling like this, and having this happen to me.

Is it something I'm doing wrong? I don't want flings anymore, I want a relationship, I'm tired of starting to fall in love only to have it slip from my fingers over and over again.

Any advice would be amazing... I really don't know what to think or how to proceed.

[smiling100]

Sounds like you could be acting to keen?

I dunno it's all a game. If you don't act keen there is more chance she will like you.

She might think you are not challenging enough for her.


It's weird alright

[dontaskme]

You are probably just meeting the wrong girls. Just keep doing what you are doing until you find someone that you click with. Good luck.

[monochrome]

Sounds like you could be acting to keen?

I dunno it's all a game. If you don't act keen there is more chance she will like you.

She might think you are not challenging enough for her.


It's weird alright

I don't think I act keen. If I did I don't think they would find ways to extend the dates but actually end them sooner. Like the girl I met 2 days ago, she was the one who wanted to accompany me to the station, not the other way around. And she could also have denied to give me her contact information.

You are probably just meeting the wrong girls. Just keep doing what you are doing until you find someone that you click with. Good luck.

Then I've been meeting the wrong girls for 10 years... The thing is, I felt like I clicked with a lot of these girls I'm talking about. With this one, I felt a lot of chemistry. Thanks for the luck!

[Archie]

Just how sure are you that she gave you her real contact info? I mean that happens.. or maybe you wrote the info incorectly. I find it's always nice to just check right there on the spot if the number is correct, by giving the girl a call, if you hear the phone ringing, just say, that now she'll have your number and if not, then well.. too bad.

But that's beside the point. You sound like a good guy, who is always there to entertain the girl, as you said yourself that you always think of something. But maybe that's the problem, you are trying too hard. From my experience, yes there are girls who like to go out swinging, but most of the girls I've met with are usually fine with a quiet and tranquil drink at the cafe, just the two of us and a walk around the city, just talking. Maybe that's not your style but I find that this way you can get to know the other persons qualities better rather than what she is like, in which case she understands that she's interesting for you as a woman not as a person and thus it becomes a fling. If you want something serious be more interested in the person herself, about what's in her head, rather than her outer shell.
I hope that made sense to you. You may do as you please with my ramblings.

[monochrome]

Just how sure are you that she gave you her real contact info? I mean that happens.. or maybe you wrote the info incorectly. I find it's always nice to just check right there on the spot if the number is correct, by giving the girl a call, if you hear the phone ringing, just say, that now she'll have your number and if not, then well.. too bad.

But that's beside the point. You sound like a good guy, who is always there to entertain the girl, as you said yourself that you always think of something. But maybe that's the problem, you are trying too hard. From my experience, yes there are girls who like to go out swinging, but most of the girls I've met with are usually fine with a quiet and tranquil drink at the cafe, just the two of us and a walk around the city, just talking. Maybe that's not your style but I find that this way you can get to know the other persons qualities better rather than what she is like, in which case she understands that she's interesting for you as a woman not as a person and thus it becomes a fling. If you want something serious be more interested in the person herself, about what's in her head, rather than her outer shell.
I hope that made sense to you. You may do as you please with my ramblings.

Hi! Thanks for the reply. English is not my first language so I might have not explained my self very well. I'm not the one who finds something else to do so the night is not over, it's usually her (in this last case, she wanted to accompany me to the train station), so I don't think I'm trying too hard. Also, I never go on dates to loud places, but like you said, to calm places like a cafe or tea house so we can talk and get to know each other. Only date I've taken a girl to a "loud" place was a concert (2nd date) since it was a band that we both loved. I'm not the clubbing type and I prefer calm places as well.

About the information, it was WhatsApp and Facebook, and she was the one who added me to both in front of me, so the information is correct. The e-mail could be wrong but I haven't sent anything yet, and the mobile phone is from the WhatsApp profile, and since she was the one who added me it has to be correct.