Commitment Issues?

[Nisha1986]

Hi guys.I have been with my bf for10 years we are the best of friends.He says he wants to marry me and if he talks about our future it's okay.If I mention it he feels as though I'm pressurising him.So I don't talk about marriage anymore unless he brings it up. his sister broke up with her bf of 12 years due to the fact of her not committing to him. The family are under immense financial pressure as they are currently building a house.all of this I understand and try to support my bf as much as I can.his sister now is very dependent on my bf and she expects him to give his all as she has to provide and support the family.We were speaking about our future and things got very heated between me and him as whenever he gets angry he tells me to go find someone else.He said he can't commit to me he needs to help his family and if his sister can give it all up then so can he. He then put the phone down and we haven't spoken for just over a week.What should I do?

[Wakeup]

whenever he gets angry he tells me to go find someone else.He said he can't commit to me he needs to help his family and if his sister can give it all up then so can he.

I suggest you go find someone else.

He is NOT someone i would want to spend the rest of my life with. Someone that can so easily give you up, doesn't care if you stay or go. Believe him.

[dontaskme]

How old are you guys?

[nico88]

The fact that he tells you to go find someone else is a red flag to me. No matter how upset I get over things me and my girl sometimes argue about I never say things like that to her. He might as well just flat out tell you that he doesn't care about you. Because that's basically what he's saying..

If I were you I'd rethink your relationship. It just doesn't sound like he values you enough to me. But that's just my opinion.

[lost_man]

Sounds to me like he will always have one foot in his family drama and another in your relationship, if you let him that is.

[Nisha1986]

I'm 28 and he is 27.. His sister in my eyes is very jealous.. I agree.. I have said to him before fine we argue who doesn't but it not right that you tell me to find someone else. He put the phone down on me now. And I don't know whether we are still together or not. I just don't know what to do

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I'm 28 and he's 27

[dontaskme]

Dump him. You can't afford to wait for this guy any longer. 10 years is a long time. If you have to wait another 10 years for him until he is done with his family obligations, your biological clock would stop ticking by then.

[michelle23]

I would break up with him. He is not fully committed to you. You should come first, he should want you to be happy and he should see you as his "family", his "future". He should be working hard for you-to get married, buy a house, future kids-not supporting his sisters kids.. wtf? I get family should be there for each other during difficult times but not to the point that you suffer every time and are always last on his list..

I would be walking away and find a man who wants the same things you do, who values you the same way you value him.

Hes never going to marry you. Your not even allowed to talk about it. Why do you let a man dictate to you about what you can or cant talk about. What right does he have to say his wants/needs are more important than yours?

If that is what you want (marriage) go get it but with someone else because what you want IS important and you deserve the best

Good luck to you

[fearoflove]

Michelle knows her stuff when it comes to marriage topics.

10 years is a long time. He should know if he wants to marry you by now. The answer is he doesn't and probably never will. Dump his ass and find someone else.