Going thru mixed signal hell

[megamitebrown]

So here's a little backstory. The guy I'm currently seeing is my boss but we were also friends and he was dumped by his girl friend of 4 years back in Feburary this year and he took it very hard. Our friendship got better because I helped console him when it initially happened and since the friendship was getting stronger we were spending more time together. Time spent together turned into dating and kissing and whatnot. He said he really liked me and warned me to be patient with him while he's still trying to get over her. I didn't really pay attention to that warning though bc his behavior seemed like he was moving on and like he wanted to have a legitimate relationship with me. So I jumped the gun and I layed out all my cards and told him exactly all my feelings bc I was starting to fall for him and I said I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to walk away now before they got more intense and he said don't worry I'm not going anywhere. But he also didn't give me any feedback on how exactly he feels other than he likes me. Since then however he has been getting more and more distant. We used to have amazing long talks all night with real content, we used to go on dates weekly and even at work he would sneak off and take breaks with me. And now I'm lucky if he even responds to me. I've gone on 2 dates in the past month with him and that's just unexectable to me. I had a mini freak out a couple days ago and I called him out on his behavior. I told him it's been weeks since I've felt wanted by him and I demanded to know what exactly his feelings were and why he's being so distant. He told me he's still hurting and he didn't want to upset me by talking about his ex and how her moving on has opened up the wound and he promised me he would remedy that hes not spending much time with me I just need to remind him of it (wtf?) and that he really wants me in his life. And although I'm glad he wants me in his life I'm not satisfied with the rest of his answer. I told him it's not right to hold back especially when I can read him well enough to know all is not well and he can't expect me to keep giving my all if he doesn't start stepping up. But the thing that makes it even more confusing aside from him saying one thing and doing another is we have a couple wedding dates and family obligation events he asked me to attend with him meaning i'd meet his entire family so obviously in a healthy relationship that's a good sign you're moving forward. But I honestly feel like I'm stuck in rebound purgatory with no real destination and unfortunately I feel like we're at the make or break point and I'm doing my best to keep a positive attitude but I feel awful every day bc I know what I want and he isn't providing it anymore. And I feel like even though I called him out and he apologized and said everything will be taken care of in my gut I just don't believe it will be. Everyone keeps telling me to stick it out it will be worth it bc we do have an awesome friendship but I'm no stranger to heart break and I can't handle another disappointment at this stage of the game. I'm not a wait and see kind of person, I like knowing exactly how things will fall and I just don't know what more I can do to get answers or a commitment out of him.

[MARIIIAAA]

Well, if he said he is trying, he will try, he is not as crazy about you as you are, but I think he apreciates you and doesn't want to hurt you and he wants to have a proper relationship, but some people take time healing and maybe he started something with you too soon after his breakup.

Now it is up to you if you want to wait a little or not, he can forget his ex girlfriend but not over it yet, just give him some time, don't drop too soon, you say you are not a wait and see kind of person, but I don't think there is much you can do.

[woody]

Okay. Okay. Let me stretch my fingers.
ok, so he's a good guy or you wouldn't be keen right? Your also the first lady he's been intimate with since his big break up.
Your giving your all and noticing imbalance right?
So, you need to put the power back in your own hands and you need to be the one who puts a little more space between you and he.
Sounds to me like he's in la la land a little and can you blame him? He's had his heart all busted up and broken. These things take time.
Offer space, let him think.
He can't understand all you mean to him, what you and he feels like if your so close. Often, as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. And this is so very true.
If he is taking you even slightly fore granted, you must pick up your britches and walk away for awhile.
Sure, go to the weddings and other family events but you must protect YOUR heart. Yes you must. Guard it.
Hey, it will not be easy putting some space between you and your new sweetie. It becomes a matter of just how vulnerable your comfortable with being.
Put some control and power back in your hands and next time he calls, let the machine get it. Let him know your not just around for his beck and call. He'll realize in no time how important you are and how much he misses you. Sounds like he just needs a little thinking space.