bf of 9 years wants threesome

[mariemac]

I'm 27 and have been in a relationship with my bf for the last 9 years. Buuutttt recently he has expressed that he needs more. He says he will never be happy having one sexual partner. He says all men eventually cheat, that they are visual creatures and need a little more sometimes too. After 9 years I'm still fun, and in shape, and we have great sex together. He says that it motivates him to workout more ,and be more successful and appreciate me more, if he can **** around a little.We still have great sex together, and still have a lot of fun together after 9 years. He has recently thrown my heart through a loop though by explaining that occasionally he needs to sleep with someone new. He just doesn't want to hide it or hurt me again. It seems as though he really believes these things himself. He has suggested that we have threesomes from time to time. I just don't know how I feel about that. It stings a little. Is this normal? Is he messing with my head and trying to control me? Are we just very sexually diff people? After 9 years I thought I was still a little crazy in the bedroom, and I'm in the best shape of my life. Perhaps this is just who he is. I just don't know if I should compromise, or if he's a douche and another guy who is also fun, and not some bum wouldn't need multiple sex partners to keep him happy with himself in life. (Since he said only guys who are losers and not doing anything with their lives won't cheat) After 9 years and being 27, I'm so confused and uncertain of my future. He's deff hit me out of left field. We've been fighting about it like crazy for the last month, and he claims now that fine he can be fine not having a threesome ever he just won't be sexually happy but can be good because he love me , I am baffled and really have no idea how to take that, how do you I just say ok cool, and not still feel a little hurt/insecure? Or even believe him?

[anya_may21]

He is trying to justify his own cheating desires by putting it on the backs of all men saying its normal we all do it, not all men cheat or think about cheating, lots of people are actually very faithful.

So you can shut him down on that thought right off, it is a tool to make you think it's allowable for him to do, or want. If he needs more and doesn't think 1 partner is enough then he shouldn't be in a monogamous relationship.

He is hurting you by telling you that, so what does he think blurting that out won't hurt you, he doesn't want to hide it because after 9 years together you probably have lots of in common friends and people who know he is your partner and might see him out when and if he does cheat and someone will eventually let you know, he probably knows this fact. So is why he isn't hiding what he clearly wants and plans to do.

No, he is making it seem like he wants you included by the threesome is only a pass for him accepted by you, it isn't for you and him in his mind, even though you'll be there too.

If cheating is unacceptable to you, then say so, and if he cannot respect your 9 year relationship then maybe he should leave and have all the sex he wants with others while he is single.

Don't let him try to convince you it is good for you, or he is thinking of you too with this, he isn't.

No, don't believe him, he's worked this out to play you into agreeing to him cheating and I bet then he goes and brags to all his mates how he played you and he gets to cheat on you and you allow it.

If it was a BF of mine, 9 years in and told me all that I would leave because I know he is going to cheat regardless. Wish you well.

[Wakeup]

Are you some kind of a subservient to this assholes dominance? It's the only reason why I can justify why you're still carrying on with him.

He hasn't done anything considered to be cheating in at least 5 years,

Yet you've been with him for 9 years. O.o