I am so glad I found this site! I really need you’re help!


I am male 29 years old and the female in question is 25 (I will refer to her as V)
I have known V for around 6 years,When I first knew her she was currently in a very unhappy relationship with someone who verbally bullied her and generally treated her like dirt.


We used to meet up and talk and after a month or so things escalated between us on a physical level.
I called her one evening and told her that I think she should leave her long term boyfriend and be with me!
She did not make a her choice at that moment but within a week I received a message on facebook saying she had done it and dumped her boyfriend.


At the same time I was in contact with another girl who had decided to leave her home hundreds of miles away to be with me!? I felt awkward confused but ultimately decided my future laid with this girl who was sacrificing everything to move down here and be with me.
I ignored V’s message and according to her a week later I walked into her place of work with this new woman.


During the following 5 years I was in a miserable and toxic relationship with the girl who moved down here,Things went down hill fast but we continued the relationship more out of convenience than love.
I reconnected with V after a year of so of no contact,I expressed how sad and miserable I was in the relationship and she would give me the same advice I had given her all those years ago
“Just leave her,Be with me”


I have ALWAYS had strong feelings for V but I just could not stand the thought of all the trouble and grief it would cause if I ended this relationship I was in….I was a coward and would have rather lived a comfortable sub par existence than go on the search for true happiness
We would meet up maybe once every 3 months or so,We would have a awesome time together and re arrange another date to follow which she always flaked on and went cold.
This pattern of connection and reconnection with V lasted the majority of my long term relationship up until a week ago when I parted ways FINALLY with my long term partner of 5 years.


I have since told V that I have feelings for her,I have been straight with her and as honest as possible,I have apologised for the past and how I treated her.
She replied by saying
“I am glad you have told me how you feel but my head is such a mess right now,I am confused”
Obviously my timing was awful but the fact I had wasted the last 5 years of my life meant I felt the need to get this out in the open right away and tell V how it is.


She invited me over to hers last Friday…I decided I would go there but make a effort to NOT escalate things on a physical level as I wanted to show her that I have meant what I said to her and was not using her for comfort or simply sex…In the past it has ALWAYS been myself who would escalate things physically never ever her.


I stayed there for around 3 hours and by midnight the conversation had started to become dry and she looked rather tired.
I told her I was going to head home and when I got to the door I got a very sheepish goodbye!?!


I asked her what was wrong and she replied “I’m fine,Just tired”
I called her out on this a couple of nights after and got a reply which shocked me.
Something along the lines of “You have seen me twice since you told me how you feel and not once have you even put your arm around me? I dont think you like me as much as you think you do”


I was honest and told her the reasons for being this way and it got taken the completely wrong way!!
Ever since then she has hardly initiated any contact despite me telling her my reasons and being honest about my feelings yet again.
She told me she needed a few days to get her mind straight,She has said she cares about me but is confused and hurt because of the past.It has now been over a week and things are more confusing than ever!


Since then she has blown HOT AND COLD! We have arranged to go camping together on the 9th of August which she seems excited about and it will be the first time we have spent more than a few hours together.
We chatted for around an hour last night but now I am being blanked again ignoring my text from earlier on in the day just asking how her day was?


I feel in all honesty I have shown “Too much” interest and I am not sure this is resolvable : (
She is very hard to read and has already told me she finds it hard to express her feelings as she has been hurt alot in the past not just by myself.


I have NO IDEA what to do? I want her to initiate contact,I feel so pushy and I fear it has pushed her away!
She is basically hardly speaking to me now and still has not told me what she wants?
I would much rather hear NO than continue on this path.
Can this be saved? What can I do? Do I stop all contact for a while? Or will that just reinforce her doubts further?