In love with a Muslim woman (Agnostic)

[gBugs84]

I don't know where to start from really... I live in England I'm a foreigner here, I'm white and I am an agnostic (all this matters in this story) and about a month ago I met a Muslim (not born in the UK) girl at work. I am a very closed of person with a lot of personal problems stemming from my past so I don't really socialise with people at work or anywhere and yet from the start at work this girl kept me company. She has a lovely personality so I thought that she is just being incredibly nice. our job was a temporary assignment ans by the end of it I realised that I had feelings for this girl, so knowing her religion and being convinced that she's not interested in me in that way at our last day I told her that we should probably not keep in contact any more. She seemed very upset which I wasn't expecting so the next day after thinking things through I decided to write to her and apologise because I felt that I owe her that after she has been so nice to me. Within 2 days after that we both revealed we have developed feelings towards each other. so we decided to start dating (which is obviously forbidden in Islam). From there thing progressed very rapidly. I think I'm in love with her I think she feels similar. There's a couple of problems though. Firstly I am a person who hasn't had a relationship for 8 years so I am very lonely and that definitely effect my judgement of the situation so very fast I became worried about the future of it not just from the religious side but also because she is very beautiful so my insecurities kicked in immediately. So the thing is I'm left at cross roads because I really like her I think she feels the same but every time we talk or meet I cant shake of the feeling of insecurity and I get tense, scared and uncomfortable and that is not the way it should work I think. it has now got to the point that i told her how I feel and asked her for a couple of days of so i get get myself back together (she seemed very upset). But the thing is I just don't know how to handle a situation like that it is complex by normal standards and me being an outsider whose been alone for 8 years makes it even harder. And also this has developed so quickly its amazing this has never happened to me before and I'm 30. So I guess my question is does anyone have any experience or thoughts on that matter. All replies would be greatly appreciated!

[woody]

You are making this more complicated than it ought need be.
8 years without a connection... Now you have one. I wouldn't turn my back on that if I were you.
Sure, your concerned over religious background. Well, I think you should keep things simpler than that. Don't allow this perceived notion that because she is Muslim and your Agnostic, that you have to shut your heart off.
She got upset with you when you asked for space because she likes you. Your both feeling this connection; note: these special connection are few and far between and should not be taken fore granted.
You have waited far too long to turn your back on a good woman when she finally comes around.
Worried about her Family accepting you?
Why not take things one step at a time. sounds like your thinking of closing the door before you've even reached it. Well, why would you do that?
My advice? Don't. Don't shut the door on this one.

Pursue.

[Wakeup]

My thoughts on this is that your gut is trying to tell you something and that is why you get tense and uncomfortable about what you're doing with her.

I think what your gut is trying to tell you is that she will never be able to marry you or introduce you to her family since what she is doing is "forbidden" in her religion/culture. Your gut is trying to save you heartache by warning you to stop all contact with her before you are gutted when she is "assigned" a husband by her parents and you won't be he.

Be smart and end things now so that when the time comes for her to be married, she hasn't you in her head/heart. You? you find her safe to be with since you sub-consciously knew that she could never really have you but because you let yourself become vulnerable (while at work) to her, you fell for her anyway.

Time to look at this logically rather then with your heart.

- - - Updated - - -

I'll add that if you want this to go onward then ask to meet her parents. If she refuses then you can consider what I'm saying as gospel and you can take care of your emotional interests sooner, rather then later.

Good luck.

[woody]

I think your uncomfy around any woman due to the 8 year sabbatical and any personal issues could simply be lack of mileage. Get some mileage.
Don't miss out on a real connection.
Take it one step at a time; and then yes, if things progress, ask her if you could/should meet the parents.
Have fun with courtship.

[Wakeup]

Disagree, Woody. There is no point in him falling more and more in love with her eventually she can't marry him, has to leave him, and marry another man or he is kept a secret the entire time of their "courtship."

Find out now if she will introduce you, Bug and if she won't, then you'd be a very foolish man to keep this up while you shred one another. Only difference is is that she will have another man to keep her company while you'll be left on your own.

[anya_may21]

Can't you both take it slower then, not rush emotions and feelings and just enjoy one anothers company?

Has she dated other men outside of her religion before, or are you the first, has she told her family about her dating you and feelings for you?

If you've been talking all this time she must have discussed all this with you, if not ask her next get together, if you know the facts of it all, then you can make a real decision.

[gBugs84]

I am the first man she has dated outside her religion or nationality. I know the facts but still can't make an informed decision.

For now we decided to go ahead with it. I know this could be a foolish decision but were hanging on to the hope that someday one of us might change their beliefs (which is 99% unlikely). But the connection is too strong to let go and the logic went out the window I guess

Thanks to everyone for the advice, those where all valid points but as you can see this is not an easy choice to make...

[Encryptedone]

Don't OP. Its too much trouble than its worth, and too many problems, especially down the line.

[Wakeup]

You're not very good to yourself if you'd carry on with her until she shreds you. She should know better then to get involved with someone outside of her beliefs.

You're very selfish (I think) to not let her go now so she can prepare with an open/available heart so she can learn to love who she is assigned to by those very parents she is now defying.

[gBugs84]

See It's not exactly like that. She comes from a progressive and educated family and they don't do arranged marriages...

[anya_may21]

As long as you both understand all involved and won't suffer horrible heartbreak down the road and can be accepting of what the future holds, best of luck in your relationship.

[woody]

Hey Folks,
I didn't want to place stereotype or attach stigma towards people from various religious backgrounds. True that while many 'clashes' indeed do exist for some, I must also believe that many parents just want their children to find a good mate no matter what 'background' he or she comes from; after all a love connection is just that, a love connection and this must never be taken fore granted.
I understand why some folks would caution against this union but I for one believe unions like this will help link the gap between many.
The o.p hasn't felt this way about a lady for 8 years. This lady obviously feels strongly about him. Sounds simple to me. I hope they go for it.