Coping with being ignored.

[mindymoo]

Hello fellas!

This is my very first post and I'm in a rubbish situation between me and my boyfriend. I think I need a male perspective on things.

We have been together for roughly 9 months and we have had our ups and we have certainly had our downs.

The past few weeks I've been having this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something hasn't been right. I started to think that he didn't really seem interested in anything I was doing and I started to think that the relationship was incredibly one sided i.e. me constantly travelling up to his house and him never coming down to mine, me being the one who was always suggesting things to do/days out. I have never really been able to communicate to him because if I say that I'm not happy about something he has said or done or that his behaviour wasn't appropriate he throws strops and then doesn't talk to me. He keeps saying he loves me and that he's happy but I think he's happy because of the minimal effort he seems to be putting in. We barely see each other due to work/sporting commitments. Two weeks ago, I commented to him saying that I miss our weekends together and he didn't really have much to say to it. I said to him that it almost seemed like he didn't care to which he decided to not speak to me for the remainder of the evening.

Last week, I stayed over his and I admit to being distant with him during the day as I was feeling a little emotional and I was out with my mother so didn't feel like speaking to anyone. I did apologise to him about this and he shrugged it off and we enjoyed the rest of our evening until I just randomly burst into tears. I could see he was getting impatient with me and asked me what was wrong to which I told him I was feeling emotional about certain things and then everything spiralled out of control. I told him that I'm unable to tell him how I feel because I'm scared of the moods he pulls, that he thinks that he is right over everything and can never see where he has gone wrong. He then told me that I have been distant and been pushing him away. I asked him why has he only now told me this to which he didn't answer.

I told him I was sorry about the argument and that the following day would be a fresh start and a new day and to lets not sleep on a fight. He wasn't having any of it and decided to not speak to me. The following morning, I decided to leave as it was quite evident he was still not talking to me. When I arrived home, I gave it a few hours and sent him another text apologising to him and that I hope he has a good day. No reply. A few hours later I found out that he was on a networking/dating site (a lot of people believe this is a knee jerk reaction to that fight we had). I messaged him again saying that we needed to talk to which he replied asking what I wanted. I told him that when he had calmed down and was willing to talk, that we needed to have a chat.

I am now on day 5 of not being spoken.

I put my hands up and admit that I am not the easiest person to be around. I can have my moments. I'm certainly not an angel. I can be stubborn, I can get extremely moody and can be hard work. However, 9/10 I can see where I have gone wrong and I learn from these mistakes in order not to make them again. The one thing that I do do is apologise.

What do I do? I'm not putting my life on hold for him. I'm going to work, I'm going out with friends, I've had a hair cut, I'm going out and I'm doing things but everything is still on the back of my mind.

Do I assume that this has ended? I still have quite a few of his things plus a key to his house.

I'm going along with the theory that everything has ended and that I'm single. I've been told that men act a lot differently than women and it is not uncommon for men to just go and hide for a while after a big argument however, the dating site discovery speaks volumes.

I just need some advice or anything that will help soften the blow.

I genuinely thought this was the person I was going to have a future with. It seems that this isn't the case.

I will look forward to your replies.

mindy x

[lost_man]

The silent treatment? What is he, 6?

I'm sure there is fault on both sides but this is ridiculous. The dating site implies he is not sure and looking for other options.

It's time for you both to move on and try to behave differently with your next partners.

[mindymoo]

I'm sure I've done things which have driven him mad. Like I said, I'm not perfect in any way.

[lost_man]

I know hun, and yes you did say that. None of us are perfect, but that's not a reason to accept how we are. Sometimes you just have to try to take an objective look at the situations we create for ourselves, then steer a healthier course to try and carve out a healthier life. Most people never do it, they repeat the patterns over and over.

[ianinmd2010]

First of all, from lots of experience, I can tell you that if something feels a little wrong in a relationship, it is.

Secondly, this guy sucks. Find someone else or enjoy being single.

Sorry for being so blunt, but he's rude and childish.