how should I fix a confidence problem?

[mtnjason19]

I am 27, moved back in with my parents at to finish college a couple years ago. I graduated last August, and since have not been able to find a job. So I am still at the parents place. I havent been on a good date since last June, so almost a year. It seems like everything I have done lately I have come in second place. The past three girls I have asked out all for some reason never called me back or flat out left me hanging on our dates. If it was a job interview, I wouldnt get the job or an interview in some cases. Obviously I am frustrated with everything, when it rains it poors. I have been hang out with a somewhat new group of friends the past couple months, and there is one girl in paticular that I really like. She could be one of the most amazing persons I have met in a while. I like the fact that I have these friends and I dont want to jack that up. But I am also very lonely. Is it worth trying to go for her, or should I just enjoy the fact that I have a friend and get denied by a different girl?

[shh!]

I am not trying to be unkind, but rather am going to be brutally honest. I apologize if you are offended, as that is not my intent.

Most girls at 27 do not view a man living at home with his parents at the age of 27 and unemployed to be a great catch. It's a matter of practicality. Women of your age range are interested in pursuing relationships that offer the possibility of marriage.
Because most women would like to have children at some point, and because it is expensive to have children, it is impractical to be attaching oneself to a man who doesn't appear to hold much promise in this area.

I don't know what your major was in college, but if it was anything in liberal arts, you will not likely be able to work in your field unless you have a Master's Degree. If this is the case, I would suggest you either apply to a Master's program to finish your education so you will be employable, or take a job outside your major and move out of your parent's home. I would really consider doing both these things before you ask a girl you are seriously interested in to date you, because once she says no, it is unlikely she will change her mind later.

Sorry. I know that is harsh.

[Promise]

Hey mtnjason19,

No person is not good enough for another person. The hardest part is getting in the door, and that's where planning and thoughtfulness comes in. You see confidence isn't just instinct. Really all confidence really is a plan to get to where you want to be. So, sit down, observe some things while your out with her with your friends, see what she likes, what she doesn't like, and plan something thoughtful that will include those things and then you'll be on your way. Remember though, mistakes arn't neccessarily a negative, but an oppurtunity to learn from and make a positive.

[mtnjason19]

Hey mtnjason19,

No person is not good enough for another person. The hardest part is getting in the door, and that's where planning and thoughtfulness comes in. You see confidence isn't just instinct. Really all confidence really is a plan to get to where you want to be. So, sit down, observe some things while your out with her with your friends, see what she likes, what she doesn't like, and plan something thoughtful that will include those things and then you'll be on your way. Remember though, mistakes arn't neccessarily a negative, but an oppurtunity to learn from and make a positive.

Thank you. That was much easier than the first response.

[Promise]

Thank you. That was much easier than the first response.

Don't be discouraged. I don't believe in negative reinforcement to realize things because the same understanding and conclusion can come of positive reassurance and comments. Plus, I see your problem is real and you came here for advice to aid in lack of confidence, and we should be here to aid that, not reinforce that your situation is even more helpless than it is. Best wishes, I hope everything goes well. Send me a message sometimes, and we can talk about the situation furthur if you'd like.

[indigosoul]

Thank you. That was much easier than the first response.

She was being honest, which is helpful. She even apologized for the potential hurt, which is more than you got from those ladies....

If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.--Albert Einstein

[Only-virgins]

The problem is not with you. You are who you are. Maybe the demand on your major is low and the girls you asked out just didnt love you....obviously. Dont listen to the first response. If I drove a Ferrari and lived in my own house I would always tell girls that I live with my parents and have no job....separates the trash from the lovers.

[Promise]

She was being honest, which is helpful. She even apologized for the potential hurt, which is more than you got from those ladies....

If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.--Albert Einstein

What is so helpful about reitterating what he potentially knows? Obviously, even knowing that, truthful or not, he is still indecisive and insecure about what to do, and that's why he is here. Therefore, what we should be doing is engaging him in more positive thinking that helps him take the first step to make the right decision.

Maybe you should take your quote to heart, because the "elegant" response in common reality is one speaking negatively about a situation. You may call it a "realistic" way or processing, but in truth, it's only a hinderment because it has never elevated any individual in any situation(s).

Maybe I should conclude my post with another cliche quote to give foundation to my points... But, I rather leave the truth in raw, and leave elegance to the tailor; whom believes what they have to say has substance, because a clever man once said something...

[Promise]

The problem is not with you. You are who you are. Maybe the demand on your major is low and the girls you asked out just didnt love you....obviously. Dont listen to the first response. If I drove a Ferrari and lived in my own house I would always tell girls that I live with my parents and have no job....separates the trash from the lovers.

Plus, he'd just be trying to tailor elegance if he said the contrary, and that he has his own place, a pHD from Harvard, and a job that pays an unblievable salary. But, he's in search of truth, so he doesn't because who wants to love someone who loves you not for who you are, but what you have?

[Only-virgins]

Maybe you should take your quote to heart, because the "elegant" response in common reality is one speaking negatively about a situation. You may call it a "realistic" way or processing, but in truth, it's only a hinderment because it has never elevated any individual in any situation(s).

Thats so true, I have never heard of negative responses having positive effects.

Plus, he'd just be trying to tailor elegance if he said the contrary, and that he had his own place, has a pHD from Harvard, and a job that pays an unblievable salary. But, he's in search of truth, so he doesn't because who wants to love someone who loves you for who you are, but what you have?

Well...I definitly would prefer someone to love "ME" and not my "MONEY". Thats for sure. I agree.

[shh!]

She was being honest, which is helpful. She even apologized for the potential hurt, which is more than you got from those ladies....

If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.--Albert Einstein

Thank you for your vote of confidence. The truth hurts and is a bitter pill; I didn't expect that it would be easily swallowed.

[Only-virgins]

MtnJason19, you should have not mentioned that you live with your parents and have no job. Love and money should have nothing to do with each other but people are going to read it and try and put one and two together. Anyways...these girls looking for succcessfull, rich, doctor guys ...haha..well..I have a better chance of catching my 27 year old super model virgin lets just say.

[mtnjason19]

Thank you for your vote of confidence. The truth hurts and is a bitter pill; I didn't expect that it would be easily swallowed.

I just am tired of eating shit sandwich! THe saying when it rains it pours, I trying to figure out a way to change my shit luck to good luck.

[artyemi]

I just am tired of eating shit sandwich! THe saying when it rains it pours, I trying to figure out a way to change my shit luck to good luck.

DUDE!

When it rains, it pours. BUT, we have umbrellas.

OR **** it.

Jump in the rain and drink some pina coladas.

[shh!]

I just am tired of eating shit sandwich! THe saying when it rains it pours, I trying to figure out a way to change my shit luck to good luck.

And I am merely trying to give you the tools to be able to do just that.

Take it or leave it, the fact remains that just because one doesn't like what I say doesn't make it any less true. I have a valid point; even Promise acknowledges this, but perhaps unwittingly, when s/he wrote, "What is so helpful about reitterating what he potentially knows?" (To which I would reply that perhaps he doesn't know, which is why he is asking.)

I am sorry, mtnjason, if my words offend you, but I assume when you ask for advice from strangers, it is because you know that most friends will only tell you what they think you want to hear (rather than offer constructive advice) because they care about not hurting your feelings.

As for the rest of you who somehow equate financial stability solely with affluence, I say that there is a HUGE distance between being stable and being wealthy. I don't think most women actively seek wealth, but they certainly want stability.