Not feeling like a priority.

[Rusty88]

Hi all,

My girlfriend (21) and I (25) have been dating for about 6 months. We hit off immediately once we met, and it's been amazing for the most part ever since. My only real issue with everything is how 'forgetful' she is. She says she's forgetful but I'm not sure I buy it. So here's a few things that have gotten on my nerves, and I guess what I'm wondering is if it's valid for me to feel upset about them.

We live about 30 mins away from each other and I'm the only one who drives between the two of us. So if she's coming over to my place, I have to drive there to pick her up and drive back here. Not something I enjoy doing in a half ton truck. If we're going anywhere, I have to drive. Now if she had no way to get a car, I could understand that I'm going to be the one driving, I get that. But here's what bothers me - Her father has two cars and only needs one, so he lends his second one out to friends and family as needed. He basically gave her that car. It's been sitting in her parking spot for 3 months and hasn't moved. Granted it is a manual and she doesn't know how to drive it (I don't either, I have to admit), but her father and friends do. So she could learn. She hasn't even bothered to get her licence! I've told her on many occasions that me driving every day is starting to get tiresome. I spent $600 in gas one month, and I told her that. Still to this day she doesn't have her licence.

I like to talk and converse a lot in a relationship. I really believe communication is key before everything else. Sometimes she stays at work for a couple days in a row, because there is access to a guest lodge and where she doesn't drive, if she doesnt get driven out there and back she will stay the night there. I've asked her on multiple occasions to text me periodically throughout the day or evening just to check in let me know you're having a good day, etc. She's over an hour away staying somewhere by herself, is it that strange for her boyfriend to want her to say hi every few hours? I've asked her this numerous times. I've told her that it matters to me that she stays in contact and doesn't go the whole day without saying a word to me. Yet she still does it. Literally, what I am asking for is "Hey babe, its a really busy day here but I'll give you a shout later, hope you're having a great day, I love you". That's IT. And I rarely ever get that.

And finally, general forgetfulness. I've told her my middle name, to which she's forgotten a couple different times if I asked her. I've told her my birthday, and its on my FB, and she's forgotten it when asked. She also said the wrong day in front of friends, which was embarrassing. I'm scared to ask her what she thinks our anniversary is.

With this all said, I don't exactly feel like much of a priority right now. She has access to a car and could help out with me spending a ridiculous amount on gas every month, yet she chooses not to. She could send me ONE text a day that would satisfy me, yet she doesn't do it. And she could take some time and try to remember important dates in our relationship, yet she doesn't do it.

Am I justified when feeling upset about this? I hate to nit pick and be that person thats always pissed at something, but this is so silly to me. These things are so small and yet they're causing such tension.

I will say of course, this doesn't paint the whole picture of our relationship. She's an amazing girl who I love so much, and we do have a great relationship. Like I said, these are small things but they really do bother me. What do you guys think?

[michelle23]

Everyone where I live drives a manual apart from disabled people. They are easy to drive..

Anyway it sounds to me like shes just not as into you as you are to her. Maybe stop trying so hard and see does she make more effort. Not to play games or anything but just to see if shes wasting your time and if this is going nowhere

There is an unequal balance here. You give, she takes. You need to stop enabling this behavior and show her through actions that you except to me met half way sometimes. Give and take

[Yanky]

How do we know that you're not the one with shitty issues? Sorry, just that I can't see all that wrong with your story, only you making what looks to be a difficult time in your girlfriend's life a relationship issue. Bit harsh and weak if you ask me.

[Jasmine_87]

Love so much yet you come here complaining about things that you agreed to do. Ie. drive her around? Don't agree to something if you're just going to complain about it. Not everybody has the privilege of driving a manual car as some families only drive automatic, meaning their children will learn to drive an automatic car.

Instead of complainng about things that your girlfriend can't help, why don't you talk to her about it?

Has she spoken to you about her learning to drive in the future? By the way, some prefer public transport and shouldn't be judged for it.

Is she going through a difficult time or dealing with depression? Are you? It sounds to me that you're in no shape to be in a relationship because she is only going to end up hurt. Be a man, you agreed to drive her around instead of telling her that you have a problem with it so she isn't at fault.

Let her deal with her car problem, and stop agreeing to things that you're only going to hold against her later. Don't come here expecting to see people outing your girlfriend, telling you that you're making too many sacrifices. We don't know your whole story. She could be feeling sick over the fact that she can't currently drive.

As for the communication problem, again you are pointing the finger at her when she could be keeping her distance for reasons that we have no clue about.

Talk to her about it because relationship problems such as these can't be fixed by judging everything that's wrong with your girlfriend with the help of strangers on a public forum....

[Wakeup]

It appears that Jasmin will always take the side of the woman no matter what the issue is.

OP: You have valid points that are not being even considered by your inconsiderate gf. Michelle is right, you are enabling her to continue to be un-cooperative. Why don't you talk to her, yet again, about getting her license at the very least. If she has the permit to drive, then perhaps she can trade in the standard for a second hand automatic and get her ass to your place. BUT... if you keep picking her up, then why would she bother so don't pick her up next time.. tell her that you don't have the gas or something and ask her again if she has made arrangements to get her learners permit so she can drive to you... You get the idea, I'm sure.

As for the other things. Make her a list of important dates, frame it in a nice frame and then tell her she'll always know now so "no excuse." If after care-taking her in such a manner if she still is so indifferent to change, then maybe you're the one that is going to have to either leave her (because you're so incompatible) or just keep putting up with her shit and stay.

She is who she is telling you she is so be wise about your future and don't stay with someone who grinds on your nerves... it gets old fast once the honeymoon stage of your relationship is over.

[Yanky]

Again we've got the same old insensitive posters suggesting that this guy is putting up with his girlfriend's so call shit. Get a grip people, as Jasmine_87 said not EVERYONE wants to drive. It honestly sounds like this woman is dealing with a shit load of stress at work if she doesn't have time to so much as learn how to drive.

The boyfriend could always help her out with that, at least help her to sell it for an automatic car, but AGAIN it does sound like she's stressed with work if she struggles to even contact him through the day.

Not everyone is perfect and we all go through shit on occassion, don't kid yourselves.

You need to talk to your girlfriend about this so BOTH of you can find a way to work around it.

Cheers and good luck.

[TablesandChairs]

Some people will never drive - so you might want to consider whether she falls into this category or not. She's only 21 so it's not like she's run out of time but just saying, it might never happen.

Do you think she might have ADD or something to that effect? It manifests quite subtly in females, inattention/disorganisation and forgetfulness are the main traits. People with ADD can also make bad drivers due to their disorientation (bad directional skills) so there might be a reason why she's avoiding getting her license.

Nothing that she's doing sounds malicious but she does sound negligent so ultimately, all you can do is talk to her about how her actions (or lack there of) are affecting you. I'm not going to say she's some awful wench because nothing in what you've said points to that so by all means, it's something you two should be able to rectify, provided other issues aren't at play.