This guy I was friends with suddenly seems to have shut me out of his life...?

[Vanessa21590]

This guy I was friends with for a few years suddenly seems to have shut me out of his life for no reason that I am aware of. We never actually dated or anything throughout our friendship- I waited a bit when we were hanging out to see if something might move further with our friendship but he seemed to never make Any moves or anything. He would make Comments and things towards me that were flirtatious and that's what always kept me thinking he may want to be more than friends but than nothing. He would say things like, I love you Vanessa, I really do, stuff like that. He would say I was beautiful, and that my future husband is so lucky, things like that. I always had to reach out to him and he would never imitate any contact ( is the way it seemed) after about two years of this up and down stuff, I kind of moved on with another guy and another year later I married my husband. We are happy now but anytime anyone ever asked me how this person is or have we talked I say, you know not really And it seems that anytime I talk to him he is very short with me, not the same, if he sees me out somewhere he literally avoids me it seems. My feelings are kind of hurt now because it seems like he is done with our whole friendship totally out of the blue...No goodbye, No explanation, No nothing?? Should I just take him out of my life completely too?

[vashti]

You married someone else... that means if he was harboring any hopes of dating you (and I am not sure he was), he has recognized you now belong to someone else, and he doesn't belong in this equation.

You have married someone else..... why are you thinking about this guy at all? Are things not going well with your husband?

[Vanessa21590]

No, things are going well with my marriage. It's just this person has been coming up a lot lately just in general, ppl bringing him up and because we were good friends my husband pays no mind. He knows about our friendship, he doesn't know him very well but that's because I could not get any time for all of us to get together.

We had gone periods without taking before and everything was still pretty normal and now it seems like since I got married ( the only thing that has changed), he barely communicates at all with me, and it was just so unlike him. I don't contact him to go out or anything, there are times I just check in to see how life is going, see how family is, stuff like that.

Our friendship started at school and we would talk about that all the time and now when I bring up how I am doing, he has just become totally cold....and it was with no real warning. I feel like I did something but don't know what it is. I am afraid to ask and make it worse.

[seekyourguy]

Sorry to hear what's happened Vanessa!
It sounds to me (and I'm sure I'm stating the obvious) that he really was clinging to the hope of a future with you, until you found someone else.
Unfortunately, when a guy feels a pain in his heart like this, it is far easier for him to avoid it, than to tackle the issue head on.
See, guys are very simple in many ways.... and its this simplicity that can make things tough.
That instant switch from hot to cold is a coping mechanism for many guys, and the best way through it is to "warm" him back up again.

My suggestion is.... try to meet up with him, perhaps for a coffee or something casual. Chat to him, and be totally honest and upfront about your feelings towards your friendship, and how it's affected you. Tell him you're scared of losing it (and ask how he feels).
BUT, you must also do your best not to embarrass him. Have a few laughs, break the ice, and get him to open up slowly.
Best of luck, and I hope to see a success story here in the forum soon

[Wakeup]

Should I just take him out of my life completely too?

Yes, yes you should. O.o

[milk&honey]

It's time to let him go. He doesn't want to be a part of your life anymore, and that's just life. Hope you'll be able to get over him soon.