FWB gone wrong...HELP

[Edward1981]

Can you guys even try to put yourselves in her shoes and acknowledge how she feels? I think its unfair to say "well hes a guy and all men do this so get over it". Its not true for a start and second shes not a robot either and a little empathy wouldnt go astray.

First of I want to say that I agree some empathy would be nice. However, you should remember this is where you ask guys for their help or opinions and men as a general rule do not deal with emotions unless they have to. Or they deal with them as a problem to be solved. This is because all guys think differently than women. I am the most emotionally open man I know and I still have trouble empathizing with women most of the time. It is not that men do not care we just do not deal with things the same way and very few men know know do deal with an emotional woman. I have 3 sisters and I only know enough to know I do not have a clue. Anyway all I want to point out is you should not get upset with men for acting the way we always do. We can be dealing with the same situation as a woman and you will notice we rarely act the same as them. That is enough from me.

[Wakeup]

Any time I disagree with the almighty powerful goddess wakeup im "gaslighting" RME.. whatever

You twist shit and manipulate words. I think you should take a good look at yourself coz the only one gaslighting here is you

Your "gaslighting" has nothing to do with the fact that we've disagreed.
Take a look at dicks post to you, Miss Gaslight. He's telling you the same thing I am only he called it arguing with ghosts.

Thank you for viewing me as "almighty and powerful" though

****, did the lights just flicker?

[michelle23]

Thats your comeback to everything "gaslighting". All I can say is whatever. I have stuck to my opinion throughout this thread that the guy is a douche and a user and yes she has been naive and has hopefully learned a lesson but that doesn't permit dontaskme to go apeshit on her ass so where did the so called gaslighting occur?

[Wakeup]

Thats your comeback to everything "gaslighting". All I can say is whatever. I have stuck to my opinion throughout this thread that the guy is a douche and a user and yes she has been naive and has hopefully learned a lesson but that doesn't permit dontaskme to go apeshit on her ass so where did the so called gaslighting occur?

No, it's only my comeback when you've done it. O.o

If you actually knew what gas lighting was, maybe you'd stop this defensive tactic you're now on. Go back and read, both Dick and myself told you exactly where you were gas lighting. (he called it arguing with ghosts which pretty much means the same thing).

Hint: "Once again you respond to something that has nothing to do with what you're replying to." In fact, you're gas lighting in the post I quote above as well. No one said you didn't stick to your opinion.

[michelle23]

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation eg. Saying something today and then saying "I never said that" or another example someone cheating on their spouse and making their spouse feel like they are the problem by saying its all in your head, your crazy, jealous etc etc. Making a person think they are the problem when you know its you etc

I dont do that, I wouldnt even try to manipulate someone in such a cruel way so get your facts straight.

[Wakeup]

I dont do that,

You may not manipulate someone by turning a betrayal back around on them but that's not really gas lighting.. Its deflecting. You do do the former though. You may not be manipulating on purpose but you are manipulating the situation.

You can't get your facts straight and that's why you answer a challenge with something that has nothing to do with what the challenge was. Then you gas light by saying I didn't say that (thereby making the person question if they're going crazy by not seeing what they just saw or (if they're stupid enough) doubt themselves. Or; you say "I wasn't even talking to you" (like you did in this thread) when it was clear what I was saying was what you were referring to and who you were talking to.

Nice try though.

[michelle23]

Lol we are not talking facts here. We are giving personal opinions. Mine have nothing to do with you and I don't have to answer to you just because you feel superior to me. If that strokes your ego fine but I will continue giving "my" opinion whether you agree or not.

And I do answer the challenge or try to explain myself but no matter what I say you have an issue with it coz from day one you have tried to shut me up or push me out of this forum. And you are the one who gaslights with your big words throwing numerous attacks in one post and if I dont answer every point in detail you accuse me of "gaslighting" or "back peddling". Sorry I dont always have the time to respond to everything you throw at me.

And no I wasnt talking to you. For the most part I ignore you coz you are an overgrown, spoilt, self entitled child who has to always be in control or feel superior to others by feeding off their weaknesses and using personal info they have shared against them to try and hurt them if they disagree with you. Or by trying to make them look bad to new posters by using bs psychological terms against them that make no sense and like a dog with a bone doing it every chance you get even though like 5 members stomped out your fire and shut you up for awhile. Funny how you dont pull this crap on the other forum.. Im not the first to call you out on your shit and im sure I wont be the last

Have a nice day

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By the way you accused me of being defensive and throwing insults at you. In response to that I said "I wasnt talking to you, was talking to dick". You then said you responded to me when you said "something about words/actions" and then accused me of "gaslighting" when in reality I was responding to something else entirely

[dontaskme]

The point of all this matter Michelle 23 is you just don't get it. The guy on topic here is not as responsible, he may be a douche but he was upfront with the OP.

It's unfortunate that the OP didn't see it from the beginning for what it really was but at least she's smarter now and learned her lesson.

You on the other hand keeps on telling her that he is as responsible. Your advice is misleading and is going to get another OP in the rut and compromising situation.

Your perception in life is a little jaded. There will always be people who are going to be douche bags so it's up to every individual to protect themselves and not depend on all the douches to take responsibility.

In essence, wake up and dickriculous are right. You are arguing with a "ghost".

[pigpen672]

Boo! You're a little too late DUMBo! The OP is already enlightened by the advice from both Men and WOMEN.

Boo yourself. Name-calling behind a keyboard is so junior-high mature.

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A Mans or women's advice is not followed on this forum. Besides Wakeup is spot on

Great, fantastic.

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I will defend OP when people start the name calling and abuse if I want to. I didn't say she doesn't need a reality check-she got the message loud and clear so why keep attacking her. This forum is designed to help others-not a place to vent your own crap. People can start their own thread for that

A-freakin-MEN!

[dickriculous]

and if I dont answer every point in detail you accuse me of "gaslighting" or "back peddling"

No, you get accused of gaslighting or arguing with ghosts when one of us makes a point and instead of addressing that point you accuse one of us of something you made up in order to give yourself an argument.

A clear example: Earlier itt I said "there is a difference between casual sex and using someone because etc. etc." You quoted a post of mine which referred to that and instead of refuting or even so much as addressing that point, you responded by accusing me of saying you're wrong for not liking casual sex...something I never actually said. You made that up. That's one example of what I'm calling "arguing with ghosts" and what Wakeup is calling "gaslighting".

Another clear example: This one Wakeup already pointed out to you. She tried to point you to where you were guilty of said gaslighting and again, instead of refuting or addressing that point you replied with "I have stuck to my opinion" and "dontaskme had no right to go off on OP like that" - two things Wakeup never argued.

Those are just two clear examples, we can keep going if necessary. Again, keep in mind that what Wakeup means by gaslighting is the same as what I mean by arguing with ghosts - dodging the actual arguments we're giving and then making something up to argue against in order to give yourself a reply.

If you think we're being intolerable about this I suggest you find a better way to present your case because I see the way this gaping logical fallacy gets handled on other message boards, by others irl, and in the rare instances in formal debates where one of the debators gets desperate enough to attempt anything like this I assure you that we are going very easy on you by comparison.

[Beth0621]

Hey...stop fighting on my thread! JK, it's fine.

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Hey...stop fighting on my thread! JK, it's fine.

[michelle23]

No, you get accused of gaslighting or arguing with ghosts when one of us makes a point and instead of addressing that point you accuse one of us of something you made up in order to give yourself an argument.

A clear example: Earlier itt I said "there is a difference between casual sex and using someone because etc. etc." You quoted a post of mine which referred to that and instead of refuting or even so much as addressing that point, you responded by accusing me of saying you're wrong for not liking casual sex...something I never actually said. You made that up. That's one example of what I'm calling "arguing with ghosts" and what Wakeup is calling "gaslighting".

Another clear example: This one Wakeup already pointed out to you. She tried to point you to where you were guilty of said gaslighting and again, instead of refuting or addressing that point you replied with "I have stuck to my opinion" and "dontaskme had no right to go off on OP like that" - two things Wakeup never argued.

Those are just two clear examples, we can keep going if necessary. Again, keep in mind that what Wakeup means by gaslighting is the same as what I mean by arguing with ghosts - dodging the actual arguments we're giving and then making something up to argue against in order to give yourself a reply.

If you think we're being intolerable about this I suggest you find a better way to present your case because I see the way this gaping logical fallacy gets handled on other message boards, by others irl, and in the rare instances in formal debates where one of the debators gets desperate enough to attempt anything like this I assure you that we are going very easy on you by comparison.

Wakeup is implying that I do that on purpose-that I am being purposefully manipulative by accusing me of gaslighting which is never my intention. I am arguing my point that the responsibility here does not lie solely on the OP. Maybe sometimes I pick up things the wrong way and should put more thought into how I word some of my responses but I am in no way trying to be manipulative.

I can underatand OP's situation and I do have empathy for her. I think her self esteem has been knocked enough so the gentle approach is more appropriate here without sugar coating her role in this. I don't think its necessary for some posters to be so harsh with her as shes obviously at a low point. She made a mistake and is hopefully learning from it. That isn't "enabling" OP. I clearly told her to watch out for these red flags in future and make HER intentions clear from the beginning.

And thinking the guy is a douche and a user is my personal opinion of men like him. People are free to agree/disagree with that.

And sometimes I am not just responding to the quote. I could be responding to a few different posts where I am accused of "enabling" in one or "gaslighting" in another and then another that I quote to respond to all and I am accused of not addressing a point of that quote.

Or if I think a quote implies something that isn't actually said straight out I will make that point. Its fine to tell me I misunderstood and explain and I will apologize but when I am constantly attacked and accused by the same person who I have told to block/ignore me numerous times-it gets annoying coz she looks for every little opportunity

[Wakeup]

Lol we are not talking facts here. We are giving personal opinions. Mine have nothing to do with you and I don't have to answer to you just because you feel superior to me. If that strokes your ego fine but I will continue giving "my" opinion whether you agree or not.

And I do answer the challenge or try to explain myself but no matter what I say you have an issue with it coz from day one you have tried to shut me up or push me out of this forum. And you are the one who gaslights with your big words throwing numerous attacks in one post and if I dont answer every point in detail you accuse me of "gaslighting" or "back peddling". Sorry I dont always have the time to respond to everything you throw at me.

And no I wasnt talking to you. For the most part I ignore you coz you are an overgrown, spoilt, self entitled child who has to always be in control or feel superior to others by feeding off their weaknesses and using personal info they have shared against them to try and hurt them if they disagree with you. Or by trying to make them look bad to new posters by using bs psychological terms against them that make no sense and like a dog with a bone doing it every chance you get even though like 5 members stomped out your fire and shut you up for awhile. Funny how you dont pull this crap on the other forum.. Im not the first to call you out on your shit and im sure I wont be the last

Have a nice day

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By the way you accused me of being defensive and throwing insults at you. In response to that I said "I wasnt talking to you, was talking to dick". You then said you responded to me when you said "something about words/actions" and then accused me of "gaslighting" when in reality I was responding to something else entirely

^^^^^ This post is gas lighting AND deflecting.

The other forum hasn't given you a chance to do either of those things yet.

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BTW:

Wakeup is implying that I do that on purpose

Sorry, but No where have I implied that you do what you do on purpose... I don't think you even know when you're doing it and that's the worst part about it because even after it being explained to you over and over again... you reply to those explanations with more gas lighting.

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BTW:

Wakeup is implying that I do that on purpose

Sorry, but No where have I implied that you do what you do on purpose... I don't think you even know when you're doing it and that's the worst part about it because even after it being explained to you over and over again... you reply to those explanations with more gas lighting.

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No, you get accused of gaslighting or arguing with ghosts when one of us makes a point and instead of addressing that point you accuse one of us of something you made up in order to give yourself an argument.

A clear example: Earlier itt I said "there is a difference between casual sex and using someone because etc. etc." You quoted a post of mine which referred to that and instead of refuting or even so much as addressing that point, you responded by accusing me of saying you're wrong for not liking casual sex...something I never actually said. You made that up. That's one example of what I'm calling "arguing with ghosts" and what Wakeup is calling "gaslighting".

Another clear example: This one Wakeup already pointed out to you. She tried to point you to where you were guilty of said gaslighting and again, instead of refuting or addressing that point you replied with "I have stuck to my opinion" and "dontaskme had no right to go off on OP like that" - two things Wakeup never argued.

Those are just two clear examples, we can keep going if necessary. Again, keep in mind that what Wakeup means by gaslighting is the same as what I mean by arguing with ghosts - dodging the actual arguments we're giving and then making something up to argue against in order to give yourself a reply.

If you think we're being intolerable about this I suggest you find a better way to present your case because I see the way this gaping logical fallacy gets handled on other message boards, by others irl, and in the rare instances in formal debates where one of the debators gets desperate enough to attempt anything like this I assure you that we are going very easy on you by comparison.

^^^ This ^^^

[woody]

Dear Beth,
Put the power back in your hands. Sure, walking away from good sex wouldn't be easy but the fact he's with others and by the sounds of it, often, ought help you make your choice.

You claim your a step up from the as you say, 'trash' he connects with. I would watch out for that term as it's belittling and judgemental. Almost makes you sound like a snob who assumes a book must be judged by its cover and we all know, this is b.s Perhaps this attitude deters him from allowing you further into his life. Simply talking like that counter indicates the classy approach you claim to have.

Perhaps he's more than happy to be a single 40 yr single Dad who coaches soccer and gets his pick of the ladies so if this is the case, I'll say this:
Prepare to get burnt if you play with a player.

To answer you question, "why does he keep calling on me if he knows my feelings got involved" (not sure if that's exactly what you said but something to that effect), well, you two are good in the sack together. Who wouldn't want more of that? Indeed.

Who knows, maybe things will come full circle here. But you have to put the power back in your court. Next time he calls on you, tell him you've got someone already there but maybe you could squeeze him in next week, you know, if your schedule allows for it.
For goodness sake, don't give him the impression your there for him at a drop of a hat type thing. If you wish to pursue the sexual connection, make him earn it and once again, put some power back in your hands.

[dontaskme]

You're still naive and pretty gullible. I feel really sorry for you.