Help me decide.

[nothingventured]

Message removed. Thanks to all.

[michelle23]

Your ex has not matured emotionally. She is still dysfunctional. She has gotten involved with an abusive man and accepted bad behavior from him and given him numerous chances. She is trying to worm her way into your life as she fears being alone and wont really leave him until she has lined up someone else. She can't face reality with strength and courage. She goes through life hopping from one unstable mess to another because she is unstable.

Right now you are lonely and struggling to cope with the distance which is normal but if you choose to end things with your gf, it should be with integrity and because you know she cannot meet your needs or that its not going anywhere. Not because you have another option. If you do choose to end it then you really should be alone for awhile, take some time to figure out why this relationship didn't work and what you want going forward into another.

The relationship with your ex ended for a reason and it should stay that way in my opinion. You should move on from her and tell her its a bad idea for you two to be friends as right now you are practically having an emotional affair which is very disrespectful to your gf. She is just using you as an emotional teddy bear coz her bf is not meeting her emotional needs and in a way-you are doing the same because you are dis-satisfied with certain aspects of your own relationship.

The chances of you and your ex working are very slim. She will likely end things with you again the way she did the last time or through yet another emotional affair when she finds a new teddy bear..

You sound like a well balanced, emotionally healthy person but honestly your ex sounds like a car crash waiting to happen and I don't think you will find love or happieness with her. Just drama, stress, pain, dysfunction and heartbreak.

If you do decide to end things with your gf then don't do it because you think the grass is greener. Do it coz its 100% over and then be alone until it "just happens" again with someone completely new. Never go backwards.

Yes you shared happy times and love with your ex, both good and bad times. you learned a lot from that experience and it made you stronger in the end but that doesn't mean you should go backwards. Exes are in our past and should stay there. You don't owe her anything

[Yanky]

Tell the ex to stop contacting you. Don't you see what she is doing? Now that she's single, she's looking for yet another man to fill that gap. Also, she clearly has no respect for your relationship if she is okay with trying to tear you two apart by luring you back to her. It all begins with contact so realise this. You don't want to be the person who destroys your current relationship with the girl who would clearly do anything for you for a dysfunctional one of the past.

Warning: if you do get back together with your ex, after say a month you will regret not being with your current girlfriend every day after that.

Stop leading your current girlfriend into a mess that is in the making. Either leave her alone, right now, or tell the ex to take a hike. All in your head my friend, have some self respect.

[Jasmine_87]

Damn. Your girlfriend has been through enough and know she has your unrealistic expectations to worry about? I agree with Yanky it's all in your mind. It sounds as though she has gone above and beyond in order for you two to be together. Give her a break, I can't imagine how tough that must be for her. Don't use the jumping shore excuse as she has clearly been the only one having to deal with those challenges. Don't be ridiculous. If you won't do for her what she has done for you, I agree leave her alone. She deserves more than that. Don't emotionally cheat on her. Especially not with a woman who knows that she can **** with your vulnerable mind.

Be honest with your girlfriend before she ends up being kicked out of your life by this other chick who should know better than to run around preying on men who are already in beautiful relationships before turning their relationships into ****. She does NOT deserve your attention over your girlfriend, sorry but you need to step up and be a REAL man before it's too late. You should know better, you have a girlfriend who would clearly do anything for you. Respect that and be honest with her.

No offence, but get over yourself and open your eyes dude. Your kicking your girlfriend in the gut by convincing this other chick that your girlfriend isn't good enough for you. Just by contacting the other chick. How would you feel if you were your girlfriend?

If I was your girlfriend I'd be telling myself that I deserve more than to be in a relationship with a man who would do this behind my back.

[nothingventured]

Thanks to all for taking the time to respond. It's nice to know that there are people out there willing to take the time to listen and try and help.

Whilst I don't agree with everything everyone has said specifically; I generally agree. What Michelle had to say in particular felt like it rang true. I have a responsibility towards my relationship and it's probably the loneliness of the situation playing into it. I do have strong memories and feelings for my ex, there is little point denying it, but I always did anyway and it ended when it ended for the reasons it ended. Life, as it does, carried on, and now I have my commitments and a bright future with somebody who deserves my full attention.

Thanks again.

[N_divine]

Hi nothingventured,

While I hear you, I am not understanding you very well. With regard to your ex, you may not have reclaimed your power from her after the two of you broke up. Does this makes some sense?

You have chose to let some sort of dysfunction seep into your life that is making it difficult for you to put that full attention on to your girlfriend.

As far as I see, you never gave yourself a chance to realise how much you can love another as you chose to believe that your ex is more worthy. Do you see where I'm going with this?

You never looked out for yourself or your chances at true love with your girlfriend enough to realize the true potential of your relationship and/or how much extra love you might have for your girlfriend.

What you should be focussing on is reclaiming the power that your ex still holds over you. There is no such thing as 'stronger' feelings if you ask me. Only strong dysfunction.

So, I must agree with the poster whom suggested that you will make these realizations in the form of regret if you were to get back together with your ex.

I fear that you never gave your girlfriend a chance as you may have shifted some of that dysfunction unto her.

I hope that you can realize the wrong in what your ex is aiming for as far as rekindling contact goes. If you are better than this, reclaim your power and prove to yourself that you won't be taken for a fool.

It is clear that your ex has little respect for you if she cannot respect your happiness and/or current relationship. This has been a selfish move on her end.

Good luck.

[michelle23]

I do think that you put your ex on a pedastal. You chose to view her through rose tinted glasses and only seeing what you want to see-the good times you shared.. but you also had a LOT of dysfunction. Age really has nothing to do with it. That is an excuse as to why it didn't work out. It didn't work because you two together don't work, not because you were too young at the time. There are millions of couples in this world that met very young and have been together for 30, 40, 50 years or more throughout all the ups and downs that life brings, all the hard times but they survived coz they are obviously a strong team and good together. At the first hurdle you and your ex failed. what does that say to you?

But that doesn't mean that you and your current gf will work. Her priorities are not with you and not invested in your future together as she is at the other side of the world refusing to come back to you and the distance between you is creating problems so its time to either commit fully to each other and make it happen or go your separate ways as things can't go on as they are. You are lonely and all your relationship needs cannot be met with her so far away. You either need to come together and create a stable foundation for a future or accept this is not working and move on.

Not for your ex though. She is your past. You have a new future which doesn't involve her