Tough Position in my Life

[DzdNConfused]

Hey all,

This is my first post on any type of forum like this. I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about my situation and really need some advice. Here is my situation: I am a 32 year old married man with 2 kids. I got married very young to a woman whom I still feel is beautiful and is a perfect mother. We have relatively no sex life. Its been almost 10 months since we have had sex. I recently went to the Dominican Republic for a guys trip. My boss rented a condo for several of us as a reward for hard work on a project. While in the DR there are many girls who you pay for sex or who are just trying to get your money or a visa to the USA. I did NOT participate in any of this.

I meet a girl at a local bar (she was working) and really got talking with her. This girl is educated, finishing the university to be an attorney, speaks great english and french, and is absolutely beautiful. I did lie to her and did not tell her I was married or had kids (she still does not know). I thought it was just a friendly flirting. But we ended up hanging out several days in a row with NO sexual encounters. Again no cheating, no sexual encounters. I do feel like Im starting to fall for her. I can't believe this and think Im crazy as Im sure all of my friends would think. Why would I give up what I have that is the american dream for a girl in a 3rd world country that I barely know. What about my kids whom I love more than anything? We talk a lot and have great conversations. Im not the naive type and can really judge people. Im highly educated with mba and a great 6 figure job.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts. The butterflies in my stomach are so intense right now.

Thank You,
DzdNConfused

[michelle23]

I get that being in a sexless marriage is really tough and it creates a huge distance between you and your wife which is hurting you and hurting your marriage but cheating is not the answer here. What have you done to try and resolve the issues in your marriage? Have you told your wife how you feel, have you tried marriage counselling, even sex therapy? You owe it to yourself and to your family to do whatever it takes to try and make this marriage work and to fulfill both your needs within the marriage.

Issues with sex are usually the symptom of much deeper issues within a relationship. Perhaps you are not meeting your wifes emotional or romantic needs and there is an obvious lack of communication here so the issues go unresolved.

But cheating is NOT the answer. Other women are NOT an option. If you choose to be with someone else then you must end your marriage first with integrity and with respect for your wife and kids.

But you do owe it to your children to do whatever you can to save your family from failing or from the hurt and pain of infidelity or divorce. Do you really want to be that kind of role model for your children? One who is dishonest, sneaky, untrustworthy?

Stop being selfish here and put your family first. Do what is right and try to resolve the issues. Do whatever it takes and if it doesnt work, at least then you can walk away with your head held high knowing you did all you can.

All marriages have their ups and downs. Perhaps it has become too routine and mundane. Maybe your wife is exhausted from looking after three children and there could be a lack of quality time, romance, affection, intimacy that has resulted in a lack of libido. Do you two have date nights? Do you romance her and make her feel special like you did when you were dating? Do you share quality time together without the kids? Every relationship hits a rough patch at some point. This is a test to your strenght of character, to your morals and how much your family really means to you. Are you going to take the easy way out like weak people do? Or will you stand strong and fight to save what you have? This is when your marriage vows really come into play. Were the BS or did you mean what you were saying at the alter? Through good times and bad

Only weak people who lack emotional maturity resort to cheating as a way to escape their reality. You need to face your reality head on and either fix whats wrong or leave rather than lower yourself to that ultimate betrayal of your family

[TablesandChairs]

Neither your 6 figure job or your MBA will prevent you from making a stupid mistake. I say stupid because in all likelihood, nothing will transpire between you and this girl. I'm originally from Eastern Europe - plenty of beautiful, highly educated girls who absolutely know how to play foreigners - it's subtle, it's clever. They get under your skin. And in the end, many foolish foreigners screw their marriages over for a girl whose intentions were never genuine.

But even if she is genuine - you're married. You have kids. You have a family. Just because you're on a work trip doesn't mean those facts disappear.

You're unhappy sexually and you have reason to be, but what have you done to fix it? Before deciding to delve head first in what the Dominican Republic has to offer, vaginally, take a moment to really think about whether or not you've done all you reasonable can to fix your marriage.

If this woman if 'the one', then have the decency to go back to your wife, break up, make divorce arrangements, explain to your children that you'll be moving out because you've fallen for a girl in the Dominican Republic and proceed from there.