how do i get back to myself!?

[brownie]

Hey, well first off id like to introduce myself. Im 24 from montreal canada ive been in a relationship 4 years straight. Ive given everything to this girl we were the perfect couple. To make my story short she cheated on me so i left her. Since then its already been almost 3 years. i. those 3 years i also had my share of problems. And it started right after my heartbreak.i started going out partying drinking too much smoking weed and doing stupid shit. Then i calmed down a bit but not quite. A couple month later, My parents moved to alberta and as soon as they got there, i learned my mother had breast cancer. I was devastated. I never cried as much in my life. Then a month later i found myself in the hospital because i got huge water retention. I then get diagnosed with liver cirrhosis and they tell me i need a transplant. Since then im on sick leave. Its been a year and a couple months. I got over the fact that im on the transplant list. My mother is now doing fine. Now my problen is that since the ex gf ive met other girls a lot actually. But i never seem to be interested after say a month. Im over my ex. I rlly dont love her no more. I loved the relationship i miss it. But i dont miss her. I also lost all self confidence and i cant seem to get it back. Im lonely and this depresses me. Im thinking maybe im just not ready for a relationship yet. Or maybe im lying to myself and im still mot over my ex ive thpught about going back with her and starting from scratch see if this time it might work since she supposedly changed..but i dont wanna go back to her cause its as if im betraying myself.... Or maybe its just cause money is tight and all this shit with family is happening so quickly for me. Im a good looking guy i know it. Ive gotten a lot of success. But recently im feeling like shit and this has been up and down my head for a while... So what do u guys think???

[MCguy]

You do have a lot going on for sure. That's quite a hand full. I'm going thru a break up right now and it was due to my behavior over the past year and half. I was ignorant of it, but it was happening. I just recently realized why I was the way I was. I have extremely low testosterone levels. You've gone through a lot of drama no doubt, and stress too. If I had to guess, you might also have a hormonal imbalance in your body too. You might want to bring this up to your doctor and get some blood work drawn. Its worth a shot, I'm not saying its the whole cause. We might both be 24 and suppose to have excellent testosterone levels, but I for one don't. I don't believe I've ever had that of normal levels. Low T can cause you to form IMS, which is my case, and also form many other problems. You lose drive in your life, libido, train of thought, memory goes, and list goes on. Read up on it some online to see if you can relate before going to the doctor. You might be struggling worst than ever due to this. I know I am right now. I haven't started hormonal replacement therapy yet, and even when I do it's not an overnight fix. It'll take months to notice a change. What sucks is I lost a wonderful relationship over something medically wrong with me that I couldn't control. At lest you had a legit reason to break up. Your girl cheated on you, that's plain as black and white. I know it hurt you no doubt, but like I said, you had an excuse and reason. My gf left me while we were both in the blind of why I was who I was. I wasn't the old me any more. She is out there right now thinking that was the real me and hating me. She asked for no contact and most likely never get that chance to explain things out to her, not as excuses, but the truth. As far as you go, if you were able to get back in a relationship with her and you truly think that both of you deserve the second chance , then you might be able to give it a try. Know though, that there will be a huge trust issue for a long time though. It'll always be there as a burden on both of your minds. These rollercoasters suck don't they. Hearing you've had a lot of time pass too and still hurting makes me fear my thoughts and feelings a year from now. I'll always hurt if she never understands the truth. I can't control that now, and if I push it on her I'll be pushing her away more. I hope some of this helps you.

[Whisteria]

You both have gone through a lot, that seriously does suck and by reading the posts I can see the pain. Brownie for you, you seem like your still stuck on her as much as you deny it. You need to face this problem, observe your reaction and check with yourself, is it your brain that just wants the satisfaction of being comfortable so that you are not alone again? Part of the reason for this is because of the fact that she "kind of cheated on you" it makes you feel unjustified as to why she did it which breaks the heart. You mentioned that you miss the relationship but not her, you answered your own question. When you stated that you can't get yourself back, now thats your brain talking and saying your depressed, that second voice in the back of your mind verifying everything you say, hear and read is what makes you depressed. But you can turn that around by keeping your head up, do some sport, do something you love, read books and learn from what has happened. But who isn't alone in the world? Being alone is what helps you to discover more about yourself and do the things you enjoy in the world.

THE NUMBER ONE THING FOR BOTH OF YOU RIGHT NOW IS YOUR HEALTH! I strongly RECOMMEND taking up TAI CHI to improve the testosterone levels, strengthening in the bones, muscles, co-ordination, increase of new brain cells by learning how to use the body and create the flexibility of joints and muscles.