LDR: She She Needs Space

[Sirjay]

So, my girlfriend said she needed space the other day. She however, didn't break up with me. I know why she needed space, but I am unsure about the meaning and her intentions behind needing space. Also, we are in a long distance relationship.

We weren't always in a long distance relationship, as we started off because she was studying in America. I dated her for 2 months, then we got into a relationship. She decided to live at my place for the last month she was in America, and then she went back.

A month or so into the long distance relationship, things started getting bad. New pressures and stresses had entered my life, so I was not in the best of moods. She also had a lot of new issues to deal with in her life, mostly in the form of national exams and tests. At first, we were able to talk about our problems calmly, but eventually I was unable to express my feelings in a calm or rational way. About a week ago, the day before a big test of hers, we got into an argument. We both had negative feelings about something in our life at the same time, and both our attempts to talk about our own feelings resulted in an argument.

A couple days later, we had a talk. She said she felt like she felt like couldn't depend or trust me to support her anymore because she wanted my support on the day we had an argument. However, I had also been looking to see if she could help me with my issues. She also felt unsure about the future of our relationship because of the cultural differences, and how we sometimes misunderstand each other. Our normal method of communication is English, so sometimes I say things that she doesn't understand, and sometimes she says things I don't understand. However, she told me she still loves me a lot, and she was really sad, but she felt empty and drained of energy because of everything in her life, including this relationship.

So, then, she asked for space, and more specifically, emotional space, and since then, I have done as she asked and I haven't contacted her. I am very unsure what her intentions are. I know that she is a very honest, straightforward, and loyal girlfriend. If she wanted to break up, she would say so, or if she had feelings for someone else, she would say so as well. So right now I'm am just unclear about what is going on , and what should I expect?

[surfhb]

She's basically saying she doesn't want a relationship anymore.

You need to calmly ask her if this is what she wants

[Sirjay]

She's basically saying she doesn't want a relationship anymore.

You need to calmly ask her if this is what she wants

She didn't say she doesn't want the relationship anymore. What she did say is she feels empty and drained. She still loves me, but along with the rest of the things in her life, she feels like everything is pressuring her and draining her. She said she needs some time and space to think.


If she had gotten rid of anything, then I would think she would have replaced her profile pictures and everything on Facebook as well, but if someone were to go to her Facebook, one would assume we are still in a relationship.

[surfhb]

It's usually a "nice" way to let you down easy. People who want to be In a relationship just don't shut down to take a break.

Best thing to do is don't contact her until she calls you . Good luck

[Sirjay]

It's usually a "nice" way to let you down easy. People who want to be In a relationship just don't shut down to take a break.

Best thing to do is don't contact her until she calls you . Good luck

But I know she's not that kind of person to just be "nice". Believe it when I say I know her personality well enough that she would straight forwardly shut people down if she didn't want to be with them. She did say she wants to be with me. But she said she doesn't know what she wants right now, and she doesn't think we can get past resentments. And she specifically said she thinks she is causing me to suffer. She was a very emotional girl when it came to other people, and the best way I can get this point across is that we have a language barrier because English is not her main language. When we first met, I once was having a hard time, and she was trying to console me. She started crying because she didn't know what words to say, and it made her sad because she wanted to help me.

But thanks for the luck. I won't contact her since I am beginning to understand things more as I come to reflect on her actions.

[surfhb]

I'm just going on my own experience. I've been in your shoes too so i know how you feel and the confusion you're feeling.

IMO. She feels bad but the fact remains she wants out of the relationship. That's why all the crying and BS is happening

Contacting her and badgering her at this point will just drive her off.

I hope she comes around man!

[Wakeup]

Christ, you're long distance. How much more space does she need from you?

[Sirjay]

I'm just going on my own experience. I've been in your shoes too so i know how you feel and the confusion you're feeling.

IMO. She feels bad but the fact remains she wants out of the relationship. That's why all the crying and BS is happening

Contacting her and badgering her at this point will just drive her off.

I hope she comes around man!

Thanks man. I already can understand why most people would think it's over. The last poster all said what I was thinking! :

Christ, you're long distance. How much more space does she need from you?

When she said to me, her exact words were "Probably we need to have some space for a while." I actually said to her, "We have an ocean in between us, what else do you want?" and that is when she said she needed emotional distance... My only console was that I remember my friend's words, who happens to be dating my girlfriend's best friend. He said that since they are not native English speakers, they may try to speak English as one may speak their own language, if that makes sense. Besides them having their own culture, everything they say may have a different meaning then I understand. There have been quite a few times were my girlfriend said something that offended me. I asked her about it, and she says she didn't understand how it was offensive in English. It's hard for me to understand and wrap my head around what she actually means, but at the very least I know if she wanted to break up, she would say so. But right now I am confused, and although she's not crying (or I would guess, but I can't see her), I just hope this "waiting in limbo" is over soon.

[Wakeup]

When she said to me, her exact words were "Probably we need to have some space for a while." I actually said to her, "We have an ocean in between us, what else do you want?" and that is when she said she needed emotional distance... My only console was that I remember my friend's words, who happens to be dating my girlfriend's best friend. He said that since they are not native English speakers, they may try to speak English as one may speak their own language, if that makes sense. Besides them having their own culture, everything they say may have a different meaning then I understand. There have been quite a few times were my girlfriend said something that offended me. I asked her about it, and she says she didn't understand how it was offensive in English. It's hard for me to understand and wrap my head around what she actually means, but at the very least I know if she wanted to break up, she would say so. But right now I am confused, and although she's not crying (or I would guess, but I can't see her), I just hope this "waiting in limbo" is over soon.

Why don't you stop leaving your life in her hands and you just end it with her and find someone who doesn't need space (emotional or otherwise) from you that lives close enough to take a bus, drive a car or walk to?

You are wasting your good dating years on someone who wants to sever her emotional connection with you. What?

Give her permanent space and get on with finding your LIFEmate.

[Sirjay]

Hey guys, so she finally got back to me and sent me a message. But, she is acting like nothing ever happened and we didn't get into a fight... like she is just my happy old girlfriend again. Obviously, I'm wary, and also I'm a little pissed for some reason...

I'm not sure how to respond, so I haven't yet.

[andytownsend]

Based on how you described her, I think she's very literal with what she says. If she says she just needs space, then that's what she means. Just give her some time off. This is a waiting game, man. You just have to be patient and see what happens next. Goodluck!