I'd like perspective to understand my 17 year old girlfriend.

[mm94]

I have a question that is asking for advice to make the relationship better and for the perspective of my girlfriend.

I have been going out with my girlfriend for almost 6 months, it has been online but we are going to move in together in less than a year. We have spent almost all of our free time together and while not having a very busy life yet, has equated to a large amount of time together. We spent all of summer together. Our problems started a few months ago and before that it was very happy throughout our days together. She had been emotionally abused a lot in her last relationship and was out of it close to when we got together. I know she was still scarred because of her past relationship and all the lying, disappointments, disloyalty, and abuse she received for months. She suffered from it for months. Anyways, I am very new to relationships and this is my first serious one while this is around her 4th.

My perspective:
I first tried to tease her by making her jealous but this was not a good idea and she ended up getting jealous. I called another girl cute during our relationship impulsively because I had that opinion for months before we dated. This is what first caused our problems, she constantly got upset because of those things and I actually made her feel worse because I was trying to tell her to change. Anyways I stopped handling things the wrong way and avoid talking like that to her when she is upset. She got over it a lot about a month ago. About 3 weeks ago she found out I hid something aware from her and lied, I basically did something that I knew was going to make her upset if she found out but did it anyways. I felt really bad right after, I felt really bad and nervous when she questioned me about it but lied to her until she told me she knew. After that she got over it but, recently she found out that I lied to her because I was too embarrassed to tell her I never dated anybody in high school but I made up a lie and said I did, by telling her I dated my ex who was a year ago and not a serious relationship, during high school. High school was about 3 years ago. Anyways, that was the last mistake I really made but she has been constantly depressed about it for over a week, finally she got over it somewhat but she keeps ended up paranoid about me hiding something or lying to her or cheating on her. She really can't let go of the past, she keeps thinking about it everyday and thinks of new mistakes I made back then and emphasizes them and is really paranoid because of everything I've done. I really hope she will go back to being happy. I know before she found out about my lie about my ex, she was REALLY happy and was telling me how I made her feel a lot better and I really believe I was healing her. I just hope she can go back to that stage and be really happy again and I hope she won't constantly dwell about the past and all the bad things I've done. I just want her to know I've changed and I'll try really hard to not make any mistakes anymore. She has also been very close to breaking up with me a few times, but has never been able to let go.

Her perspective from what I know:
She felt really jealous the entire time. She has always been the really jealous type. She became paranoid because she believes that actions I made in the past proved that I liked some other girls, when I really didn't. She believes I did anyways, she believes since I lied that I'm very capable of lying again. She believes that people don't change and I won't be able to learn from my mistakes since I already repeated one or two. She is very worried about the past repeating from her past relationship and is really paranoid about being hurt again. She thinks about the past all the time and all the mistakes I made, even the minor ones.

Side note:
She is 17 and I am 19. I've put a lot of effort into making her happy and always being there for her. I've always gone out of my way to do stuff for her to try to make her feel better. I do blame it on myself for making mistakes but I do believe some of her past is making her feel this paranoid. I do really want to improve as a boyfriend and not make any mistakes ever again and if I do, I want them to be minor. I am not going to end the relationship. We really do love each other, I just want us to get through our problems and solve them as fast and efficiently as we can, although I am aware healing her may take time. I do think being there in person would make her feel a lot more comforted.

I would like to know how she really feels inside so I can understand her better and also if there is any advice you can give to make our relationship happier. Thank you very much.

I would like to know the perspective of her, she is 17 and has been through a lot. I know she does really love me inside but all the hurt I did to her is holding her back. I just really want to be able to understand her more. Even though I feel so much guilty and constantly express how much I regret all my mistakes she is still really fearful of it. Will time really heal everything if I not make another mistake again? Will she eventually change and end up forgiving me? I asked her if I could be forgiven before but she says she is not capable of doing so and holds a grudge against me for all that I did.

[Wakeup]

I have been going out with my girlfriend for almost 6 months, it has been online

Are you saying you've never actually met her?