My girlfriend isnt as cute and loving as she used to be :( help

[Xelah]

Hi there forum ..
Right ..my girlfriend who i have been with now for 5 months she lives in wales and i live in england so it is kind of long distance and we only meet most weekends is not as clingy and cute as she use to be as i will explain basically when we 1st started speaking and when we 1st started going out we would text pretty much all day even though we was both in college and when we got home we would skype from like 4pm until we went to sleep and most nights we would even go to sleep together on skype thats how cute it was and like she would always be cute on text with me and saying she loves me and im perfect ect.. and she would always want to text me and she would text me as soon as she woke up.. and now she messages me like an hour after she wakes up and now when shes in college she doesnt really text me and if she does shes really blunt and like shes never ever cute now over text and she doesnt seem to like to talk to me as much as she used to in the beggining and the other day i wrote her something cute to wake up to and she just replied with "good morning" nothing more i was like wtf and when she gets home she will skype me but most of the time she will just sit there and not say anything and she only skype me for a couple of hours but i must say when we are together in real life we are perfect and shes actually more clingy and real life and its perfect its just over tect and stuff ..and yesterday i got in and she didnt wanna skype till later and it got to like 9pm so i confronted her about it all asking why shes like this and i said i didnt think it was normal for a gf to be like this and she said she doesnt text in college as much now because she has so much coursework to do so she cant be texting me as much and about the skyping she said its because college stresses her out so sometimes she likes to come home and relax and not skype and she also said that everyone gets less clingy and stuff as the relationship goes on and she said she doesnt message me staright away in the morning now cos shes tired and she has to get reasy and she said shes not like other girls shes just not a clingy person and she likes space and she said she loves me so much and everything so i said sorry to her and said i understood and ill stop been as clingy and paranoid but this morning i got upset as i said love you to her last night while she was asleep and she read it when she woke up but she didnt even reply at all .. she replied like 2 hours later saying " ill text you tonight when i get my new phone" and i was like wtf cos she didnt even so love you back ..so i dont know what to make of it ? is it me been to clingy like she says ? or what ?

[Lord Darkshire]

Listen, this is how it is, to make yourself more desirable, is to make yourself less available. The trick is when you text her, text her something like "Ya out with buddies at the _____, having a great time" then follow by a photo of you with you surrounded with guys and some girls. If you show her you are out doing your own thing, not depending on her for attention, she will find you more attractive. Don't answer her texts right away, sometime give quick one word answers. Say you have been busy, etc.

Expecting her to answer, waiting for her, depending on her for attention IS clingy, and you devalue yourself in a girl's eyes. Girls like a guy that has a strong and active social life, it shows independence, strength, masculinity.

[TheEvilJester]

I would say that is definitely true. The "honeymoon phase," as some call it, does not last forever. But, that doesn't have to mean the relationship is any worse off. In fact, that can be the time the relationship becomes even better. You can learn that you don't HAVE to be constantly together, yet it doesn't mean you love each other any less.

It is also important to give yourselves time away from each other now and then. You shouldn't necessarily Skype all night every day. Sometimes maybe she wants to just relax after a long day and watch some TV. Sometimes maybe you do. Sometimes one or both of you have plans with friends.

As long as you two do make the effort to see each other as often as you can, and to keep in touch a fairly reasonable amount of time, there is no need to worry. It is a difficult balancing act, though. You don't want to get too relaxed in the relationship and barely talk to/see each other at all. Then why bother even having a relationship? At the same time, though, if you see each other too much, after a while it starts to feel like an obligation. That can hinder a relationship just as much, if not more, than not seeing each other enough.

I will also say, I can definitely relate to how you feel. I am cursed with feeling things so much more intensely than the typical person. So, when I have a friend I think is a really good friend I have to control myself not to go too crazy and seem clingy. So, when there is a girl I like, it's like 1,000,000 times worse. Thing is, I've learned that about myself and learned how to deal with it. I sort of allow myself to get the crazy out to my own self. In other words, it is fine if I am thinking to myself "Oh my God! This person is so amazing! I wish we could hang out ALL the time."

But, then I let myself get that out to myself, and then to the actual person, I learn a better/more normal balance. It also helps to somewhat let them dictate the pace of the relationship. No harm in being the first to reach out sometimes, but sometimes also let them be so you get a feel for how often they reach out to somebody. The other thing to remember as well is that even though your heart is telling you this person is AWESOME and you want to be around her all the time, she is also just a person. So, again, okay to be obsessed within your own mind, but remember to dial it back a little bit to anybody else. Hopefully that makes sense. Not quite sure how exactly to explain my whole philosophy. Good luck!

[Xelah]

Thank you darkshire and jester ! ... i understand more clear now !! but i must admit its true because i dont have much of a social life .. and iv had 4month off college !! so iv literally been sitting in all day waiting for her texts so of course i am gonna be more needy and clingy as im sat there doing nothing so i think maybe i should just chill a little and stop thinking things and going off on one when she doesn't reply fast or something and i must add i do have OCD wich makes me 10000x more paranoid and think bad things than a normal person and i think its OCD that makes me so clingy too

[Lord Darkshire]

probably about 80% who post here have OCD. You lack coping skills so you need to be reassued constantly. But if it really starts to take over your life, then I suggest behavior therapy to combat it.

[chris81]

Think you maybe need to be a little less needy with her but I'm guilty of that too haha. Thing is when you give a woman so much attention like that some of them get bored. Let her do the chasing for a while and she'll appreciate you more for it. Also learn to accept that most people have busy lives and don't always have time to be sending luvvy duvvy texts to each other. Take things slow and relax. Good luck

[Xelah]

Yes Chris i agree chris and thats exactly what she said !! she gets bored of texting and calling .. thats what she said but how do i make her do the chasing ? and yeah i agree darkshire

[chris81]

Just simply back off from her and lay off the calls and texts. If she likes you she will begin to miss you and want you more. I learnt the hard way by being too affectionate and needy with women and they said it's lovely being that way but gets too boring and predictable. She said it was much more fun when she felt like she had to chase me more. Save all the "I love you" texts and romantic stuff for special moments. Not part of a daily routine. Otherwise your kinda overdoing that stuff. Focus on having fun times together instead of being serious. After all, your in no rush!! This advice may not solve your probs but it might be a starting point. I'm currently trying to get the attention of my ex who now hates me all of a sudden so wish me luck with that one!!

[Xelah]

im doing well so far with it like im not been cute to her and how ever long she takes to reply i take the same amount of time and anyway im just scared that by doing this we might become distant or she might go off me thats all im really scared about and another thing is should i say morning to her 1st or should i wait for her to say it ?

[chris81]

Your scared about becoming distant with her but if you carry on with the needy texts etc your gonna become more distant anyway! Just go with the flow and text her when you feel like it. Try to keep things fun. You ever heard people say texts should only be used to arrange meeting up and stuff. If it's meant to be it will be I guess. I know how you feel cos I been thru exactly the same things before

[Xelah]

Ye mate thanks a lot !

[milk&honey]

Agree with all the comments here. Live your own life while you're both apart, she probably feels you're getting a little too clingy now hence the distance she's putting between the two of you.

[TheEvilJester]

I would also say it would be a really good idea to build a social life of your own. Maybe take up some hobbies that interest you, or something like that. If you are often times busy with your own stuff, it will help you out a great deal because you won't be sitting around all the time by yourself just hoping to hear from her.

Believe me, I also know full well what you mean about constantly thinking bad things. I've never had much of a self-esteem, and have also made the mistake way too often in my life of trusting the wrong people. So, it is VERY hard for me to trust anybody. I constantly think people are just going to suddenly stop liking me for no reason at all. I's so hard for me to believe that people I like could actually like me in return.

But, again, I've learned that about myself and learned to deal with it.... to some degree. Unfortunately, for folks like us, it will always be a life long struggle. I highly doubt there will EVER come a time when I don't struggle with this at least to some degree. But, in large part I have really learned to deal with and work around it. I realize that it is okay to worry about those kind of things, because it means I have found somebody in my life that feels worth not losing. So, it is a good thing, really. But, I've learned as well to be able to remind myself that, more often than not, those negative thoughts are just my low self-esteem talking. To remind myself that I am awesome, and the person in question would be lucky to have me as a friend. It doesn't always work, but it has certainly helped me a great deal.

Good luck!