in love with two guys

[concentration]

Hi I just registered but there is something that's seriously been bothering me lately and i needed some place to vent

A couple of years ago I joined a music forum to chat about my then favorite band. From that forum i have a lot of friends who i still keep in contact with.
1.5 years ago, one of my friends from that forum suggested I should talk to a friend of hers, a guy from Germany. He had some romantical troubles and apparently she thought I'm good at giving advice hehe.

So we started talking online a lot and we realized quickly that we have so much in common, it's crazy. So we pretended we were siblings, just for fun, he called me sister and I called him brother etc.
However I felt that this was the guy of my dreams, like he was my soulmate.
But I didn't think I'd have a chance with him because I couldn't detect any kind of romantic affection from his side so I just kept trying to see him as my brother.
About two months ago I had a bit too much to drink and I decided to confess to him how I felt, just to get it out. It turned out he's in love with me too and this shocked me, I really had no clue.

Now the problem is... I have a boyfriend. And I am in love with him too. I somehow completely forgot this when I decided to confess to my "brother" how I felt, I don't know what got into me.
Now this boyfriend of mine, we've basically been on and off for 2.5 years, breaking up, getting back together.
I've always known that he's the one I want right now but I can't see us settling down together in the future.

Three weeks from now I will be going to amsterdam and it turned out my "brother" will be there too and we decided to meet up and go to a concert. Nothing romantical will happen, I'm sure, because we're both very shy and he just got out of a stormy relationship, plus, we live in different countries and it would be difficult to start anything.
However my conscience is eating me up because I'm in love with both of them and I feel like such a selfish bitch but I just really don't want to break up with my very nice boyfriend before I have even met the other guy, a guy I probably can't be with at the moment anyways.

It's just..... ugh.

[dontaskme]

Ugh is right! Why can't you see any future with your boyfriend? And how can you forget that you have a boyfriend while you are confessing your lust, I meant your love with guy [URL=https://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2]#2[/URL] ?

I think you are in LUST with the other guy because you probably have a boring boyfriend. Nothing more, nothing less.

[concentration]

Ugh is right! Why can't you see any future with your boyfriend? And how can you forget that you have a boyfriend while you are confessing your lust, I meant your love with guy 2?

I think you are in LUST with the other guy because you probably have a boring boyfriend. Nothing more, nothing less.

Well the thing is, me and my boyfriend have never been very serious. We want different things in life, we have different perspectives and not very much in common, yet we like each other a lot and love spending time with each other. From the start i've felt i'm in love with him but i wouldn't marry him or want to have children with him. It's always been a temporary thing!

I think the reason for why I forgot i have a boyfriend is the fact that we're always breaking up and getting back together, also the fact that since I only talk to the german guy online, it feels like it's two different universes that don't have anything to do with each other.
Another reason could be the fact that I didn't for once even consider it a possibility that the german guy would feel the same thing towards me, I just wanted to tell him because I felt I couldn't pretend like it didn't exist.

Maybe you're right about the lust thing haha I don't know, I think it's hard to tell. The dream of living together in a little house and listening to music together and making pancakes, doesn't it speak against that though? I'm so confused

Thank you for your reply hehe

- - - Updated - - -

Ugh is right! Why can't you see any future with your boyfriend? And how can you forget that you have a boyfriend while you are confessing your lust, I meant your love with guy 2?

I think you are in LUST with the other guy because you probably have a boring boyfriend. Nothing more, nothing less.

Well the thing is, me and my boyfriend have never been very serious. We want different things in life, we have different perspectives and not very much in common, yet we like each other a lot and love spending time with each other. From the start i've felt i'm in love with him but i wouldn't marry him or want to have children with him. It's always been a temporary thing!

I think the reason for why I forgot i have a boyfriend is the fact that we're always breaking up and getting back together, also the fact that since I only talk to the german guy online, it feels like it's two different universes that don't have anything to do with each other.
Another reason could be the fact that I didn't for once even consider it a possibility that the german guy would feel the same thing towards me, I just wanted to tell him because I felt I couldn't pretend like it didn't exist.

Maybe you're right about the lust thing haha I don't know, I think it's hard to tell. The dream of living together in a little house and listening to music together and making pancakes, doesn't it speak against that though? I'm so confused

Thank you for your reply hehe

[michelle23]

So whats wrong with you that you have settled for an on/off BS relationship thats going nowhere for 2years? Doesn't say much about your standards in love or your self respect..

And the fact your having an emotional affair doesn't say much about your integrity, emotional maturity or strenght of character.

In short your weak, insecure, selfish and fear being alone so why don't you work on fixing those issues before you commit to any man? I think your settling for second best with BOTH guys

1. A guy who shows no commitment, isn't serious about you and you have broke up god only knows how many times coz you two together don't work

2 an online fantasy, BS relationship with a guy who lives in a different country who you have zero percent chance of a real relationship with.

Honestly id rather be on my own

[concentration]

I don't see why there would be anything wrong with me for being in a relationship that's going nowhere when I don't actually want it to go anywhere. He likes me, I like him, it's not like every relationship has got to become the real deal.
The false belief that every couple definitely must be serious, otherwise they've settled for BS seems quite closeminded.

Also, who said anything about committing, I was talking about that I am in love. I'm in love so why would I rather be on my own, I think you're very quick to judge. I have no fear of being on my own but as I am in love with two people then why on earth would I choose none of them. It simply doesn't make sense.

I know I'm being selfish, acting morally incorrect. This is very troubling and it sure says something about my emotional strength I guess.

I cannot choose what I feel for people. It happens and it there and it is dramatic. Being in love with two people might seem as a weakness but it can also just be a simple fact. I did not choose this.
However I chose to talk to them and that is what is the loss of integrity.

Thank you for the advice though, let me just go throw these two beloved people out the window so that I can work on fixing my brain

[michelle23]

My point is you would be settling for second best if you chose either of these. I asked you do you have a fear of being alone?

The point is emotionally healthy people don't do what you are doing so maybe you should work on fixing whatever part of you is broken.

And just to be clear, I am not judging you. Im telling you to help you so you can be emotionally fulfilled with the right guy when he comes along coz the way your behaving now-no decent man worth his salt would settle for you

[Wakeup]

Three weeks from now I will be going to amsterdam and it turned out my "brother" will be there too and we decided to meet up and go to a concert.

Are you saying you've never met this man before?

If you are, then come back after your "date" and your subsequent dates after that and when he's actually given you a REAL reason other then words of fluff over a keyboard, then we can discuss you being "in love" with two men. Right now, the one you've never met is just a crush based on words without actions to back them up... Pffft.

You sound rather emotional immature to be honest... Sorry, but people who are emotionally mature don't think they are "in love" with someone based on words on a screen.

What actions, real tangible things has this man done with you or for you that would make you think you loved him?

[G9mm]

With all respect...
If you love or your inlove wih two people, go for the seccond one because if the first really meant anything to you, the second one would even have crossed your mind.

[Wakeup]

With all respect...
If you love or your inlove wih two people, go for the seccond one because if the first really meant anything to you, the second one would even have crossed your mind.

Untrue and idealistic.

[dontaskme]

With all respect...
If you love or your inlove wih two people, go for the seccond one because if the first really meant anything to you, the second one would even have crossed your mind.

Are you for Fukcing real???

This is not a gamble , you don't get to choose contestant number two just because...

[milk&honey]

Even if you really are in love with both of them, you have to choose one. It's not good to lead them on. Maybe you can make your decision after your trip to Amsterdam.

[iCraze]

Even if you really are in love with both of them, you have to choose one. It's not good to lead them on. Maybe you can make your decision after your trip to Amsterdam.

What she said.