Hey, any help is appreciated.

Basically, im in the toughest situation of my life. Few months ago i met the girl of my dreams. I knew right away she's "the one" if there's ever going to be one, even though i really dont believe anything is meant to be.

First i want to say, i've been depressed for a year or so before i met her, and it's still been with me up to this day. I havent been as exciting as a person as i could've been, because all this time i've been with her i've been thinking about my own problems. So naturally, me having little confidence, not being in a very good shape (not overweight though) and just generally just not shining like i know i can has affected how attractive i've been to her. She's told me she didnt really "fall for me" instantly, but instead slowly grew strong feelings towards me. She's been with a lot of guys, but told me she's only loved somebody once - and that was a guy she had a 3 year relationship. Despite all of this, after only 1 month she told me she loves me.

Last tuesday she told me a chimney sweeper who sometimes works at a cafe where she works at asked her out via facebook. I acted cool about it because apparently the guy backed off right away after he saw her facebook status.

Later that week i spent 2 evenings with her, and things didnt go well. There was just something wrong, and both times we basically went to sleep almost right after she came by. Friday morning while i was still asleep before she left to work she kissed me and said she loves me. Little did i know that was the last kiss from her for now. We were supposed to go out with our friends on saturday, but that saturday morning she told me we had to talk. I just had this feeling i knew what was wrong and freaked out. We texted and it turned the guy who had asked her out was someone who has lived nearby her and went to same school (different class though) with her when they were younger. They had never talked before, but she told me she's always been strongly attracted to him and always freaks out when she's seen him. Apparently she never has these kind of "freak out" feelings towards anybody, but when it comes to him she always has. She told me she couldnt shake off the message he had written her and just had to contact him. They had seen eachother that previous evening, and she spent the whole night at his place. I was texting her all this time (which is always a mistake) and she clearly didnt like it.

Later that day we saw eachother and talked about things for a few hours. She wanted to break up with me, and told me about these "rollercoaster" feelings she has had towards me ever since we met. At times she has great time with me and at times not so much. And i understand all of it, and the reasons why, all of which i pointed out at the start of this thread. I tried to explain all of it to her, but i didnt get the feeling that she really understood. Basically what it all came down to - she really has to try this guy out (he had told her he's been always felt attracted to her as well). She told me she knows stuff about the guy, like that he is very kind and has had a couple longer relationships which would suggest he likes to commit and not play around. Apparently this guy lives really close to her, and makes it easy for her to visit him whenever she feels like it (i live like 30 min drive away from her, so not that close). I asked her she should think about things before making rash decisions. Only week before all of this she had told me she wants to be with me always.

She dropped me off to my friends house and left. Later that night she started texting me about how she already feels she's making the wrong decision, how she's never missed me as much as she had for the last couple hours and how she doesnt want to end up being alone again (she had a wild single life for a year before we met). I didnt really flood her with texts but maybe sent a few more than i should have. When we ended the conversation, she told me how she loves me (once again) but that i really shouldnt keep my hopes up. The next morning (last sunday) when i woke up i was so confused and sad i just had to contact her. Again, this time i flooded her with texts and later that evening even wrote her a freaking word document about how i want to be better for her etc etc. She acted kind towards me, but i knew my actions werent going to do me any good.

Yesterday i kept contacting her and she told me she's starting to feel uneasy about all this texting. She told me she feels good and relieved now, that she hasnt seen me or the guy since saturday.

Now today morning we had an hour phone call. She's seeing the guy today and said a lot of things depend on this evening. What hurts me is that she told me if i just backed off after she had that emotional night towards me on saturday, she would probably feel a lot stronger for me now. But apparently, my chances are almost non-existent (not her words, but i can read between the lines). I screwed up and i know that. Now i fear she's going to have sex with him today (i just know her, she's very active person sexually and havent had sex in a week which is very long for her, and she doesnt really wait for it), and just great time in general. We are supposed to meet tomorrow, so we can talk one more time and i can drop her things that she has left at my house. She's also supposed to make a decision between him and me tomorrow. I know they had a great time the last time they met, and i know they will have today. Considering the way i've been acting the last couple of days, i know i have no chance right now. She has a big crush on him and will not let the opportunity go by.

BUT what makes things hard for me to let go, is that i told her i've been in a situation before with girls. For some reason every woman i've been seeing or dating (they're not many, but still) have always contacted me later after we've "broken up". I have never loved anyone before, so its always been easy for me to not show any interest, but this time around its different. I told this i fear its going to happen again, but i dont want it to since i love her and wouldnt be able to go back to "us" if she starts seeing this guy for longer time now. Now this is what hit me: she told me somehow she knows she's going to miss me hard at some point, and feel like she made a mistake. Now i know obviously its not going to be like that if her and that guy get off to a dream relationship though, and that what she wants to see. But because i know she loves me and has strong feelings towards me, i cant completely let this go.

Now what i ask from you guys: tomorrow when i go to her place, i planned on to bring her flowers - something that i promised i would do when we started dating but never did. Im going to drop her her things, and instead of staying and wanting to talk things through, since we both know what her decision is, i'll grab her from the shoulders, look deeply into her eyes and tell her we dont have to talk. I'll tell her: "i learned the biggest lesson of my life from you, and will focus on making my life better now. if you ever want to talk about anything, i'll be here for you, but i dont want you to be here for me. go out there and do what you have to do.". Then i'll just leave. If she tries to talk, i'll just put my fingers on her lips and stop her.

Is this something that would make her think things through? Is this something that would start to change me in her eyes? I've been trying to stop her from falling for this guy, but now that im "fine" with it and stop contacting her maybe she's going to feel less enthustiastic about him.

Any help and tips would be appreciated.