Please, serious answers from adults only.
I am a mid 30 y/o woman dating a kind, loving man of the same age. We do not live together as we have both went through difficult relationships in the past and were left with disappointment. He and I both stay with family and in the meantime, were going to college (even attending the same campus and having the same class or two). I have since graduated last year (yay!!) but he has not attended since I graduated. He is a sweet, loving person and I know he loves me, but somewhere, I notice a change and he does not seem motivated to progress in life.
We have been dating for 8 years (yeah...almost a decade), and I don't see the motivation in his eyes to want better. When I ask him about re-enrolling in school, he sometimes says "Yeah, I know lady...you don't have to keep reminding me." It has been almost 2 years since he has attended. Also, since we met, he has never really held a stable job. I mean, yes he works but its more like being a bounder at bars, or working at lumbar yards. He has not been on anyone's payroll in who knows how long. This may sound silly, but I often of think of the future. For example, when we reach retirement age, what is he going to do since he has not held steady employment? It will be hard enough to support myself.
At other times, when I mention him finding better employment, he has said (more than once) "Well, if I don't have enough money and I am not what you want, you can find someone else." I think to myself like damn...maybe I don't want someone else, what I want I you.
don't get me wrong, the conversations are not always negative, but I feel I am still waiting on someone who has excuses. I mean, whether he is with me or finds another woman, she will want the same things in life (unless she is a bum who could care less about anything).
Anyway, I have graduated, landed a great job in HR at a health care organization and I need him to do the same. We have talks about the future, like home ownership, kids, marriage, but how is that supposed to happen if he has fallen off track. I don't want to make our relationship about money or status, HOWEVER, being able to progress and become stable is important for single people as well as couples.
I guess what I am saying is...how long do I have to wait until he steps up. A lot can be accomplished in 8 years, but we have nothing to show for it as a couple. It seems as though I am moving forward and he is standing still, being comfortable where he is.
If he was mean, toxic, cold and heartless, this would be a no-brainer. I don't want to walk away if I am being too judgmental, but I am also wondering if this is who he is. I am not sure if this is a sign from the "Man upstairs" letting me know that he is not ready right now to be the man that I need him to be. This is very tough...I am crying right now as I type this forum. My heart aches because I am afraid... I am to the point where I am done talking and I think I need to step back and wait...seeing if he will step up or remain still.
Sometimes, we know what we need to do, its just having the courage to do it. I don't not want to walk away from something good, but I do not want to stay if it will continue to be this way. Your thoughts...