She cheated......I can't turn her away

[torn_ap(he)art]

I'll try to keep this short.

I've been dating a co-worker of mine for 3 months now. From the first time I saw her I completely fell for her, we have a lot of chemistry, make each other laugh a lot and always seem to have fun together. She told me she has been in really rough relationships in the past and has a hard time accepting my feelings for her at times, that I'm different than any other guy she's met that I'm a good guy. She requested that we keep our workplace romance a secret and although I questioned it, I respected it. Thursday she told me that someone at work asked her if she was dating another guy we work with (We'll call him Jim) and when she said it, she blushed and seemed to glow a little. Friday, I asked her if she has ever been with anyone we work with and her face gave it all away. At first she didn't want to say who, then she revealed that she had been with Jim but it ended before we started seeing each other. Suddenly things changed and she started getting really defensive. I kept asking questions and asking her to tell me the extent and she revealed that she slept with him three weeks into our relationship but hasn't been with him or talked to him since. I was really upset and I left. She texted me and said she would do anything to fix things between us. I thought about things and and in all honesty, I have truly never met anyone like her and care for her more than anything. I made a list of things that would need to happen for her to regain my trust and one of them was for me to see her phone records to see if she was telling the truth about Jim and establish a baseline of trust and honesty from that point. When I looked at her phone records I saw that she has been talking to him and exchanging texts up until a few weeks ago. What really got me was that she texted him Friday and Saturday night a few weekends ago while I was away on military drill weekend with the Army three hours away. At 10pm I texted her goodnight and according to her phone bill 2 minutes later she texted him. Same thing the next night, single text to him. I told her that flat out seems like a booty call. She says she doesn't remember why she texted him and that she did not hook up with him or see him. In all fairness she hasn't communicated with him for a few weeks now according to her phone records. Am I a fool here? I'm so clouded in emotion and my feelings for her that I can't think rationally. Am I a fool to believe that about the weekend I was gone in September? Am I a fool to think I can trust her again? Am I a fool to believe it won't happen again?

Completely, totally broken hearted.

A little background info, I'm a male in my late 30s, she's in her early 40s.

[iCraze]

She's 40 and playing games like this. I'd take a SERIOUS break from her. And I mean a no contact one. Even if they are friends, it's wrong how she did you and you need to take a step back and truly evaluate if you REALLY want to be with her.

[TablesandChairs]

It depends on how serious you were in those 3 weeks - did you make anything official or was it more casual dating? Did you feel like it was implied that you two were exclusive? Was she sleeping with both of you at the same time during the first 3 weeks?

There are a few things that would make me lean towards the 'forgiving' side but if she was sleeping with both of you, then that's kind of gross...and why she would be texting him when you two had made things official (assuming you did) is a bit dubious.

[purple_roses]

Yes a fool. 3 months and your already making her think it's okay to cheat. Shes just learned your a pushover and weak and that she will probably be able to get away with it again. She might be good for awhile but someone like her.. Someone who cheats and lies and doesn't feel bad about it.. Will do it again.. I promise u that. U will only get hurt more 6 months from now when u find out she's been sleeping with Jim again or another buddy at work.

[Wakeup]

Good lord.... you'll never be able to trust her as far as you can throw her. Once you DON'T break up with her she'll be all over "Jim" or the next guy that shows her interest while you're on maneuvers. she'll just hide it better. She'd be stupid to use the phone you check so maticulously now eh?

Ugh.

[TheEvilJester]

Three weeks isn't long for a relationship. Were you two "exclusive" at the time? Or was it at least implied that you were? If not, then it wasn't necessarily wrong for her to be seeing him as well.

HOWEVER, it sounds like you two do consider yourselves exclusive at this point, so it really is not okay for her to be keeping in touch with him so regularly, or possibly even at all. The fact that she slept with him means they really shouldn't be friends now that you two have been together for a while. Again, it would be different if you two didn't consider yourself exclusive and were both okay with that. I get the impression that you are now considering yourself boyfriend and girlfriend.

To be honest, I am not so sure I would bother giving her the chance. She is 40, which is much too adult an age to be playing childish games. But, if you do still want to give her a chance, that is your decision. Then, she needs to show she can be worthy of your trust. At the same time, if she DOES prove herself worthy, then that also means you eventually have to trust her again. If you feel like you can't ever trust her again, that is perfectly understandable, but then you owe it to both of you to end things. Good luck.