Outside Advice Please............

[Belloz22]

Ok, this is a bit of a long story but I will try cutting it down..........

Met my ex about 5 months ago on night out, texted for month then got together, was absolutely amazing, spent weekends together, spent nights talking about when we got together etc, but also we talked about the future etc. She told me really person things and I told her about my anxiety I suffered with. It was fantastic, she told me she had never felt like this about anyone etc.

Bout few months In I had an anxiety attack, she was bit shocked by the fact I ignored her and the baby, and she split with me. I was heartbroken, but understood, I never told her how bad it was and she was shocked. We didn't talk for a week and then she started getting in contact with my sister, eventually she then text me and said she still loved me etc, we got back together. The week following that was amazing, felt stronger than before, we booked hotel for show we was seeing in November, but also she agreed to come holiday with my family in a couple of weeks (this week now). She was really looking forward to it, she had already been and met my family before, and everyone was saying they could see an engagement in the future, we were excited.

So this is where it goes wrong, one day we were texting, she never replied so I texted back why she never replied. Eventually I got a reply from her asking why I was grumpy, turned out she had contacted my sister as well to ask why I was grumpy. I explained I was grumpy and it was probably the way the text read (misinterpretation). I decided to drive to her house because I wanted to talk, she explained she thought it was bad for the baby, was upset I didn't tell her all about my anxiety etc. I left and I got a text few hours later saying I think its best we leave it, I hope you find someone who you let in because its clearly not me. NExt day I grovelled a little, and she texted and said we could be friends.

In the meantime I start seeing doctor about my anxiety and the doctor advise I message her explaining everything because my insecurities were worse with my anxiety because I never told her everything. She never replied (she had stuff going on with her dad being bad etc, baby, and her probs). Anyway, couple days later I sent a text just saying I hope her dads op went well and that was it. Finally, last Friday I seen she had blocked me on FB, however she had left my family on there. So I sent 1 last text saying I can see you blocked me and assume you don't want contact from me anymore, said I loved her loads and Im sorry if I hurt you, and I wished her and the baby the best in the future. I was planning on no contact.

In mean time she had been snapchatting my older sister, said she was sad etc, she sent few FB PM's back and forth and eventually my sister decided to PM her explaining how unhappy I was, how she wished we could work it out, and advised my ex could still come on holiday (I didn't know she sent this). From my understanding my ex replied saying I don't think I should come because its awkward with her and your brother (me), and she said she was going away herself this weekend as she needed to get away. She also had said several times she missed my sister and the baby did too. Stupidly I then texted my ex tonight saying in 1 sentence that I missed and loved her loads (again my sisters idea).

What is confusing me is I don't get why she is doing what she is doing, why ignore me fullstop, block me on FB (which she didn't do on first split), but contact my sister saying the things she said. She wont even discuss it with me, we didn't even argue when we split, she just felt I was bringing her down. But it hurts how she can throw it all away without trying to fix it, she even told my sister before she wanted me to let her in coz she wanted to understand me.

Any ideas why she could be doing this? I know I should maintain no contact, but its so much harder when you don't have a big breakup, yet don't really understand why she is doing the things she is doing

Thanks in advance guys!!! (my mind tells me it is something to do with her ex, but couple weeks back she asked me if I was bothered by her picking the baby uo from his house when he mind him, and also advised me I don't need to worry about her ex etc, they will always been friends for the baby - although at no point did I express her ex bothered me).

[kb753951]

you met 5 months ago and became a couple 4 months ago, right? and broken up twice during that time?

sweetie, please focus on yourself, your anxieties, and talking to your counselor. this woman is not strong enough for you and will not support you through your worst times. that's an absolutely horrible realization for someone with anxiety issues, and you'll never really be able to trust her completely again.

[Wakeup]

Yes, work on getting over your anxiety disorder. That is the main thing you should be working on.

When you've got it under control then look for a young lady who is child free and only has herself to care for so that you don't have a ready made family to worry about and can adjust and maintain being a good husband and then have a child and work on being a good father.

This girl you talk about is not meant to be your Life Partner. Leave her be and tell your sister to stop telling you about their conversations with her as well. It only keeps you mired in the past and it keeps you from accepting that it's over with her.

[Belloz22]

Thank you for the replies, it's just sometimes you really believe the things they are telling you, she told me really personal things and spoke about engagement in future etc. I know people will say anything in a relationship but I'm more confused by what she is doing to me, but then continues contacting my sister saying she is sad etc............

With my anxiety, it gets worse when I don't understand, and in previous relationships I've always understood why it's ended, but this one confuses me, she said she wanted me let her in and she wanted to understand, but ended it over something small. This is why I feel there is more to it than she is letting on...........

[purple_roses]

She likes your sister and is friends with her.. What is so weird and confusing about her talking to her?

[Belloz22]

She likes your sister and is friends with her.. What is so weird and confusing about her talking to her?

Because it's the things she says to her like being sad and the baby misses us....... Its clear it will get back to me, she knows my sister is like a mum to me. Just seems cruel to say those things to my sister when she knows my sister knows what is happening with us

[Wakeup]

Tell your sister to tell her to stop discussing you with her and then repeating it to you.

No contact means NO contact not even through third parties. Accept it's over and work on your anxiety disorder with a trained professional so that you don't keep losing partners who experience YOUR anxiety through your actions towards them when you're feeling anxious. No one that has healthy personal boundaries wants to stick around to be not trusted by you, to caretake you, to try and fix you.

[Belloz22]

I appreciate all the advice but surely people argue all time, surely you can't just give up and no contact after every small fight. I understand more if it is a definitive break up...... But surely doing nothing is risking throwing something that could work away because of something that could be repaired after proper communication.

[Wakeup]

Surely you need to go to therapy to figure out what it means to have good personal boundaries and to help you with your codependency and inability to take a hint when given one.

It TAKES TWO people to want a relationship to work. TWO... not just you and your inability to let go. Now work on your anxiety DISORDER and stop your OCD thinking about this woman by consciously changing the subject that is her when she pops into your head and telling your sister you do not want to hear about her. Your ex knows where you are if she wants to stop giving up on you. Don't wait around for her in hope. That's just stagnating you from moving on.

[Belloz22]

Surely you need to go to therapy to figure out what it means to have good personal boundaries and to help you with your codependency and inability to take a hint when given one.

It TAKES TWO people to want a relationship to work. TWO... not just you and your inability to let go. Now work on your anxiety DISORDER and stop your OCD thinking about this woman by consciously changing the subject that is her when she pops into your head and telling your sister you do not want to hear about her. Your ex knows where you are if she wants to stop giving up on you. Don't wait around for her in hope. That's just stagnating you from moving on.

Well to be honest I'm seeing the doctor about it already, I feel hurt that someone I truely love I have pushed away because I convinced myself I wasn't good enough for her. What hurts more is she make me happy, and I really did love her, but Im stupid...........

What is hurting me though is that I am trying to better myself, if anything, she is the reason I am doing that....... Im not doing it for her, but she made me realise I need to sort it out. It just hurts losing someone you love over something so stupid, yes I know it may not feel like that to her, but it really is. She said she never loved anyone like me, just wish I had the chance to repair it and show her Im becoming a better person.

I know most of you wont agree, but I sent her flowers today......... I did it the last time we broke up, and I wanted to again. Its something I did when we were together anyway so It doesnt appear out of the blue, but its my way of saying sorry. Ive prepared myself for her not to reply so im not hoping she responds. To me it just feels like there is something her end stopping her wanting to work it out or talk to me, everyone I speak to said the same thing.