I fell in love at 15 with a man who treated me like a princess. After several years, we split up and went our separate ways... both married new partners and had children. Several years ago, we met again. This time, both single. I had never stopped loving him and after only a few dates, we were inseparable, it was a bit like a fairytale. Unfortunately, it didn't end like a fairytale. He cheated on me when I was busy focused on my work and children, he said I hadn't given him enough attention and he was probably right. I took him for granted. Not that that excuses him cheating, it doesn't but he wasn't wrong either. He lied to me about other things, always trying to make himself seem more interested, he says because he never felt good enough for me and thought I'd leave him. I loved him, he couldn't have done anything bad in my eyes.
We got back together several times but my lack of time was always an issue. He is now single again and wants us to try again properly, I do have more time and he knows damn fine that I still love him despite everything. We are both now in our 40s and children are grown. My close friends who know what he did would think I was crazy and in my head, I know it'd be daft too. But, I love him. I can't help it, I can't imagine growing old with anyone else ever. We met up for a coffee and it ended with an amazing kiss, again. I can't stop thinking about him again yet my head is yelling STOP. I'm wary, my ex was a violent man, this guy I know would never, ever hurt me physically.
Do I listen to my head and always wonder "what if" or do I follow my heart and take the chance that this may be right this time?