What does "taking a break" really mean? Can I get her back?

[qotsage420]

I'm really hoping I could get some advice on how to handle breaking up with my ex. When she broke up with me she said its not totally over and instead she called it a break so i’m really at a loss as to how to handle this. Ive stopped calling and texting her entirely in the hope that she will start to miss me and any negative things she associates with our relationship will fade, but I feel stuck not knowing if she even wants me back and if I should just move on.

We both live on the same college campus and we have classes in the same building so I still see her pretty much every day. We had been together for about 4-5 months and we had both never loved anyone like we did each other (I am 25 and she is 21). There were occasional arguments, usually because of her insecurities and her paranoia about me cheating on her even though I never once gave her a reason to think I was or would ever cheat but overall we made each other really happy and had a great relationship.

She also struggles with depression and it has caused her to be somewhat distant in the past but she always told me my presence helped her feel better. In any case about 3-4 weeks ago out of nowhere she just stopped talking to me for about 2-3 days and when we finally did speak she told me it was because she was feeling depressed. I got a bit angry because I was hurt that she didn’t care enough to talk to me when we had never even gone 24 hours without talking before, but we ultimately apologized to each other and resolved it. Then the next day she told me she thought we should take a break, and that she wasn’t saying it was over but she that was going through a lot and she felt numb due to her depression so she couldn’t feel anything for me or anyone or anything else (I know this is at least partly true given she even started ignoring her twin brother's texts and calls and he is her best friend in the world).

After a few days she told me she missed me and she wanted to work things out, but she didn’t want to jump back into a relationship, wanted to take things slow and she just didn’t know if we ever would get back together, after a week of this things fell apart (possibly due to her depression) and she started getting distant and not wanting to spend time together so we talked and she told me she didn’t respond to my texts because didn’t know what to say to me and that she didn't want to go as far as to say it was over but that she needed to take a break.

So that day is when I started the "no contact' period (about 2 weeks ago now) which means Ive stopped texting or calling her entirely, but I do run into her every one or two days which is inevitable so I just try to act as casual as possible and while I try to be friendly I do my best to spend as little time around her as is possible. This is a big change as since this all started I had been texting and calling her to a point that i’m sure was I was just making things worse and at the beginning overtly trying to convince her to stay with me. So the only contact we have at this point are short and casual conversations when we run into each other every one or two days.

Lately i’ve been noticing small things that give me hope that she still cares about me, for example my roommate has casually run into her and twice in three days she has asked about me and how i'm doing, as well as always asking me when I see her. Also whenever she sees me she calls me by her pet name for me and gets me to walk over and talk to her, and when I walk away from her after talking for a moment i’ve been picking up subtle cues that she wants me to stay but she wont directly say so. These are just a few things i’ve noticed and while I can’t say with any certainty that I know what all this means, at least it tells me that she still thinks about me however she isn’t very communicative with her feelings so I have no idea what she’s been thinking and i’ve been really trying not to ask.

So i’m going to keep up the no contact thing but aside from that I don’t really know what else to do. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy, I’m working on getting a job and doing other things to improve my life but I feel like i’m stuck in a sort of limbo. The hardest part of this is not knowing what she’s thinking and since she hasn’t wanted to say that its over I can’t get myself to stop obsessing about her and what I can do to get her back and I also can’t get myself to move on knowing that theres a chance she might want to get back together. Moreover, since i’m using the no contact thing I think any discussion of our relationship would be counterproductive if i want her to give me another chance. I just feel like i’m stuck with these painful obsessive thoughts and won’t be able to move on unless I ask her if she’s still considering getting back together or if its just over, but again I don’t feel like I can do that without hurting my chances of getting her back.*

If anyone has any advice for me as far as what she might be thinking, what I can do to get her back or what I should do moving forward I would really really appreciate it.

[toinfinity]

She doesn't know herself whether she still wants to be in the relationship. You are not the one who's going to decide about it because clearly you know what you want. On her side, she may be confused or she doesn't want to act on it/ decide about it.
I think it's the "It's not you, it's me" kind of situation. You can try this but I don't guarantee it'll work. If you can't talk to her directly about the matter, try to write her a sincere letter. Letters are outdated these days but they still carry a powerful means of communicating to another person. Both of you will not see each other's reaction but the message still pass through.
You can write that you are willing to wait until she is ready to talk about it.

[lovebroken]

To me taking a break is a nicer way to tell someone you loved or was in a relationship with you want to end things because it isn't the same for you or isn't working out as you wanted. Most of my friends who took breaks, never got back together, even when they tried hard to get the other who wanted the break to change their minds once someone wants out it's hard to pull them back.

[Wakeup]

Don't stick around waiting for someone who is depressed. Just call her and tell her it's over because you're not going to put yourself on hold for someone who is not getting help for what ails them. You're only in it four months and she's showing you that she's not capable of maintaining a relationship with you. Don't keep putting yourself through this kind of emotional abuse. There are chicks on campus and off who are not issued. Leave her be in order to work on those issues and find a girl that is capable of returning your attention fully. This one is not and you can't fix her. Recommend to her that she see your school therapist and then move on.

She will try to hoover you back once you make a decision about your own emotional well being. Don't let her do that to you... It will become a pattern of push away, no come back to me that will cause you emotional turmoil. Be smart enough to not allow her to do that to you.

- - - Updated - - -

There were occasional arguments, usually because of her insecurities and her paranoia

She also struggles with depression

She has sincere issues that you will never be able to help her with. She needs professional help with those so don't invest any more in her. Seriously!

[katyk]

Agree with previous. Can you ask yourself, why you are giving this girl all the power? Seems like you go along with whatever it is she wants! How about deciding for yourself what you want! What you don't want is such a confusing scenario. Why do you feel there is any mileage in someone who is so indecisive and who is screwing with your brain?