It doesn't get any more complicated than this

[Impavid]

I don't usually result to forums. I don't even ask for advice. Why? I'm great at this stuff. I always know exactly what I'm doing in a relationship. I always know exactly the right way to proceed. This is what I studied. This is what I'm SUPPOSED to know.

Anyway, this time I dont. I have never felt so lost and I think I'm not behaving appropriately.

To give some background, I live on the East Coast. Around September of last year I met the guy I felt that I had been dreaming about for my entire life. He was exciting, extremely attractive, perfect morals, and smart. (He was attending the best graduate school in the nation, he better be smart) I met him in his last year of graduate school. We got along really well. I knew he was never going to stay in the city. He had intentions to move to D.C. But an extremely rare opportunity opened up for him in his how state all the au across the country and he couldn't say no. We never exchanged too many feelings to each other because of this. I had told him that I loved him around 7 months in and he couldn't respond, but He seemed excited to hear it. We had already discussed not continuing due to not wanting to build resentment for each other and decided to be friends. And we have been the best of friends. We talk everyday, he calls me frequently, we share everything we can. In the meantime I just started dating again and so has he which is why I found it a bit strange when he spontaneously decided to spend more than he is usually willing to spend on a plane ticket to come visit me for a weekend. It started off friendly but eventually he grabbed my hand and kissed me. So, I slept with him. The weekend was perfect. It was even better than when we were dating. He acted like I was the only person who existed and said he would have neve traveled across the country for anyone else. We talked about feelings. We both established that we have yet to move on. The issue is.. He's okay with not moving on. He thinks that when he meets someone like me again he will be able to get past his feelings for me, but in the meantime he's not looking to change anything.

He wants me to visit his home state in December which I have been promising him since the first day we met. The problem is .. I don't know if this is going to be damaging for me. I clearly want to be with him. He doesn't see that as being logical of course. He Wants to keep me in his life while he dates other girls and wants me to do the same.

Am I missing something here? Every time I try to tell him I need time away he says to try to be empathetic with how that could affect him. I don't want to make the wrong choice. He has been the best person in my life but it feels almost damaging to spend such a great weekend with him and then to him trying to cover up his feelings by dating other girls when he's back home. He won't let me inside his head but he sounds absolutely devastated when I try to tell him to give me time away from talking to him. He always asks if there's another way I can move on without shutting him out completely.

How should I proceed? Am I doing something wrong? Is he? I feel so lost. I tried talking to him about this bht he won't let me inside his head. I need help.

[Wakeup]

The problem is .. I don't know if this is going to be damaging for me.

Well of course it is. He's going to fk you until he finds someone else. How does that actually make you feel or did you not hear what he said to you when he said this?

He's okay with not moving on. He thinks that when he meets someone like me again he will be able to get past his feelings for me, but in the meantime he's not looking to change anything.

That means if he's out at a bar, a club, the park and he meets a chick he likes the look of, and she likes the look of him, he's going to date her and see if, like you ~ she's silly enough to let him string her along in an un-exclusive sexual relationship.

He'll do you when/if either of you fly to see one another but don't count on him not screwing others too.

He's not "covering up his feelings" he's been very open with you that you'll do when hes in town or you're in his town but you're not going to be his LIFEmate.

Don't be ignorant of how he is playing you.

perfect morals,

Hardly.

[dontaskme]

What do you do? Are you a psychologist or a psychiatrist? Even if you are one of those professions, don't even think for a second that you can figure out all your problems. Everybody at some point will need help with whatever problems they have in life.

Anyway, this is not even close to being complicated. This is black and white from my standpoint. You are in love with the guy but he's not in love with you. He maybe physically and/or sexually attracted to you but those do not equate to love. He wants to be in a non-committed relationship with you or any girl that would allow him to have sexual relationship with him until he finds the right girl that he can be faithful with.

You should not waste anymore time with him. The time that you allow yourself to be with him could be better spent finding a better match for you.