Longing to be loved

[pcmaster]

So about to go to girls house. Feeling nervous, but hope I will have the balls to kiss her cause dont feel bold enough to have sex with the girl yet since this will be only second time seeing her.

Will update how it went. Also looked up some positions on cuddle sutra book. Planning to hug her right away. God give me courage !

[pcmaster]

Update. So I didnt huged her right away but she was smiling and nervous.

But when we started to watch movie on sofa I said we are sitting too far and sat close to her so our sides was touching. We did drink shampagne and at some point I wanted to kiss her a lot. But kissed her later and we had different kissing styles so there was no synergy and it was funny, we started to laugh and stopped. But later we matched well and kissing was good and sexy.

We really became close and comfortable there. Cuddling, touching and stuff. She lighted candles.
Didnt felt turned on enough to have sex but its been a long time since real kissing so just waking up from sleep. Body needs nights like these to wake up.

Then we parted and I hugged her and lifted her up. It was easy, she was lighter than I imagined. Also Im pretty strong these days.
Kissed some more.
As I was preapiring to leave we talked about our work sheldure.

Life is wonderful. There is no time, only moments that are hellava painful or heavenly beautiful.

[CleanCut]

Update. So I didnt huged her right away but she was smiling and nervous.

But when we started to watch movie on sofa I said we are sitting too far and sat close to her so our sides was touching. We did drink shampagne and at some point I wanted to kiss her a lot. But kissed her later and we had different kissing styles so there was no synergy and it was funny, we started to laugh and stopped. But later we matched well and kissing was good and sexy.

We really became close and comfortable there. Cuddling, touching and stuff. She lighted candles.
Didnt felt turned on enough to have sex but its been a long time since real kissing so just waking up from sleep. Body needs nights like these to wake up.

Then we parted and I hugged her and lifted her up. It was easy, she was lighter than I imagined. Also Im pretty strong these days.
Kissed some more.
As I was preapiring to leave we talked about our work sheldure.

Life is wonderful. There is no time, only moments that are hellava painful or heavenly beautiful.

Glad you had fun

[Hooo!]

never have sex without condom. ever
dont start sucking her clit if you dont have a condom.
dont start anything if you dont have a condom.
wtf?

and a rose is definitely overdoing it.
i once bought a 15eur necklace to give a latvian girl because i was staying at her familys place.
and that was totally overdoing it.
Also you dont want to be nice. Nice is the next guy. But i know im not getting heard. So do what you want. However I dont think that the rose will help you.
It is nice and needy and bribing. I dont see anything positive about it. It shows her value to be very much above yours (because she didnt bring anything).

The reason because people are successfull is because they are experienced. Because they are experienced they do the things that they do. If they do then a thing that is not optimal they can overplay it.
You are not at that stage. That means you are not experienced enough to do any mistakes. Going on a date is a mistake
paying for said date is also a mistake. Reasons to be found in my earlier posts and also in the link i posted.
You can succeed doing some things wrong. However it depends on your attitude (why you did it in the first place).
You pay the girl because you value her time and because you think she owes you. But both of that are VERY bad reasons. That shows only you are attracted to her, however it makes her LESS attracted to you.

If a girl was out with me and she expected me to pay the bill i dont even know what i would do. Probably id just cover it and tell her she is a cheap ass and it is on her the next time.


cant see the video.

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when you make out:
1) progress

[pcmaster]

Well if you stayed at her family house you could just put under your pillow 5-20 euro when you left.

When I lived in UK theres was just one flower shop in town. Here in my town there is at least 6 flower shops just for flowers. So flowers are popular here.
Yesterday when I visited girl I saw my rose in her vase and it made me think about me. LOL. So I bet it makes girl think about me too.

Today I been thinking about her all day at work. Couldnt concentrate on work. Felt good in the moorning and messaged her and she was feeling very good too. So its great.
We have something in common.

I just want to say her how much I think about her and that i like her. But I read that saying over text exactly how you feel is mistake.

[CleanCut]

I just want to say her how much I think about her and that i like her. But I read that saying over text exactly how you feel is mistake.

Yep, that's usually about the time that things fall apart for me is when I want to let the girl know how much I like her or start hinting toward the GF status, I've never made it past that point in a relationship yet unfortunately, I just don't understand the messed up minds of women. I mean you give them exactly what they say they want in a relationship, even pay for everything, and it's just never enough no matter what you do, they just always bail on me for no good reason. Just makes no fricken sense!

[pcmaster]

Well I think making it official like BF, GF thing is unessesasry. Cause nothing really changes. You still can meet, and do all the couple things.
With previous girl I enjoyed our time together and felt good. So I wanted her to me my GF to have time together like that regular so we could always do the couplea things we did. Anyway with that she understood something diferent for her being someones GF means living together and indroducing to her kids. However I never wanted or needed these things.

I think its okay to do what would you like to do as if she was your GF. But its not necessary to put a Label on it. It just creates pressure for girl.
If you want to BF then act like you already are, support her be near her and such. And later you become official couple naturally.

I for example always wanted post on FB wall that Im in relationship with some girl. But now I understand as much as I would like to, making it official on FB wont make it permanent. I mean its cool world would know and such, but doubt that it will make girls not to leave so easy.

Think it helps to play games and dont show all your cards to a girl. Some mystery is what keep people in love and interested.

[CleanCut]

What comes down to is that women are just BS through and through and honestly, I'm sick of dealing with their shit. Guess it doesn't matter anymore though, since my radiation treatments are now starting to cause me permanent hair loss and more largely than expected; I'm so incredibly pissed off right now, I'm shaking while typing this. I doubt I'll ever be able to get a date again as it looks really shitty right now and fully exposes my nasty surgery incision/developing scar. Don't think I'll even have enough confidence to go out in public again without wearing a hat at all times, let alone be able to date again. Damn it all; brain cancer is such a god damn shit storm!
Chances are, I'm going to die alone and miserable just like I am right now.

[Hooo!]

i dont believe texting is a big mistake IF done correctly
however most men are bad at texting and realizing the sublte hints on emotions and interpreting them.
Also it is the fact that you cant see her reaction, which you usually want to if describing your feelings to her.

However i have a story for you out of my favourite book. The teacher and master namer Elodin is teaching a class the main character Kvothe and his fellow student Fela attend to. He tries to demonstrate that most explicit knowledge is imperfect due to translation. I would personally interpret this as "emotional knowledge" is useless to be expressed conciously if you want the other person to also emotionally know what you know:

[...] “Here we have two lovely young people,” he said. “Their eyes meet across the room.” Elodin pushed my shoulder and I stumbled forward half a step. “He says hello. She says hello. She smiles. He shifts uneasily from foot to foot.” I stopped doing just that and there was a faint murmur of laughter from the others.
“There is something ephemeral in the air,” Elodin said, moving to stand behind Fela. He put his hands on her shoulders, leaning close to her ear. “She loves the lines of him,” he said softly. “She is curious about the shape of his mouth. She wonders if this could be the one, if she could unclasp the secret pieces of her heart to him.” Fela looked down, her cheeks flushing a bright scarlet.
Elodin stalked around to stand behind me. “Kvothe looks at her, and for the first time he understands the impulse that first drove men to paint. To sculpt. To sing.”
He circled us again, eventually standing between us like a priest about to perform a wedding. “There exists between them something tenuous and delicate. They can both feel it. Like static in the air. Faint as frost.”
He looked me full in the face. His dark eyes serious. “Now. What do you do?”
I looked back at him, utterly lost. If there was one thing I knew less about than naming, it was courting women.
“There are three paths here,” Elodin said to the class. He held up one finger. “First. Our young lovers can try to express what they feel. They can try to play the half-heard song their hearts are singing.”
Elodin paused for effect. “This is the path of the honest fool, and it will go badly. This thing between you is too tremulous for talk. It is a spark so faint that even the most careful breath might snuff it out.”
Master Namer shook his head. “Even if you are clever and have a way with words, you are doomed in this. Because while your mouths might speak the same language, your hearts do not.” He looked at me intently. “This is an issue of translation.”
Elodin held up two fingers. “The second path is more careful. You talk of small things. The weather. A familiar play. You spend time in company. You hold hands. In doing so you slowly learn the secret meanings of each other’s words. This way, when the time comes you can speak with subtle meaning underneath your words, so there is understanding on both sides.”
Elodin made a sweeping gesture toward me. “Then there is the third path. The path of Kvothe.” He strode to stand shoulder to shoulder with me, facing Fela. “You sense something between you. Something wonderful and delicate.” He gave a romantic, lovelorn sigh.
“And, because you desire certainty in all things, you decide to force the issue. You take the shortest route. Simplest is best, you think.” Elodin extended his own hands and made wild grasping motions in Fela’s direction. “So you reach out and you grab this young woman’s breasts.”
There was a burst of startled laughter from everyone except Fela and myself. I scowled. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and her flush spread down her neck until it was hidden by her shirt.
Elodin turned his back to her and looked me in the eye.
“Re’lar Kvothe,” he said seriously. “I am trying to wake your sleeping mind to the subtle language the world is whispering. I am trying to seduce you into understanding. I am trying to teach you.” He leaned forward until his face was almost touching mine. “Quit grabbing at my tits.” [...]
It is by Patrick Rothfuss out of The Kingkiller Chronicles Day Two: The wise mans fear.
It is the best fantasy series I have read in the last few years and I very much reccommend reading it. I hope it is ok if I cite it here.

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Yep, that's usually about the time that things fall apart for me is when I want to let the girl know how much I like her or start hinting toward the GF status, I've never made it past that point in a relationship yet unfortunately, I just don't understand the messed up minds of women. I mean you give them exactly what they say they want in a relationship, even pay for everything, and it's just never enough no matter what you do, they just always bail on me for no good reason. Just makes no fricken sense!

they have reasons. you only fail to see them.
For PC Master his reasons for not being successfull are among the following i have been able to identify up to this point. (in the brackets i note where this behaviour shows, or where i get the idea)
The reason is for example, that you are respectful towards them for being a woman, not for them being that person. (i buy them meals/flowers because they are female)
The reason is also that you are treating them as a woman. As any woman. From my point of view the girl in question does not matter - as long as she does what you want. You dont see her, you see her function to you as a woman. ("is she down to ****?")
The reason is that you do everything for her, not because you give it freely but because you hope to bind her with it. (roses, paying for dinner)
The reason is that you believe what women say they want and what they really need are the same thing.
The reason is that you are nice to her, you are just nice.
The reason is that you do not seduce but then at some point go from no seduction to confessions about anal sey or even worse children and marriage (plagiatively)
The reason is that you have still many beliefs towards women that are limiting you big time. At the same time you are unwilling to let them go.
The reason is that you play (even told me) a numbers game. You say you want to stay who you are and just hit on so many women until you succeed. While this may work it is frustrating at best.

for you clean cut i could not identify some. but here is some i saw:
The reason is that you believe the women are at fault for having "messed up minds", while it is your ambitions and your responsibility that matters. Women are not messed up, they just think differently and have other drives as men generally speaking.
The reason is that you do everything for her, not because you give it freely but because you hope to bind her with it.
The reason is that you believe what women say they want and what they really need are the same thing.
Bailing or flaking can have several reasons. Most of them is not enough attraction or connection going. too much push - too little pull. but im no expert at that.

You are who you are. Cancer or not.
I dont envy your position. However going about in public and not being afraid shows your balls and your courage.
I would also be angry with fate if i were you. However having cancer and an ugly scar on a bald head doesnt mean you cant dress up and have a sense about the good thing you have to offer the world.
Dont take womens bullshit. Call them out for it. But do it in a nice way. Noone has to take other peoples bullshit. Blaming them however is no use.
You can call people out on their bullshit and still seduce them, the same way as you can have a bald head with a scar and at the same time show a good dressing sense and show courage to the world. You can respect yourself for it and other people will too.

Life is shorter than you think, so give the world your friendlyness and your love and your seduction and your penis if they ask for it.
And if they treat you like shit then call them out on their bullshit. You can do both.

[pcmaster]

CleanCut its normal to feel the way you feel. Like no girl will ever like you and that this event ruined all your life and are the worse thing.

But after few years you will be bale to accept yourself again and be okay with your looks, and with that believe will come back that girls might like you.
Also like I said there are wigs that can be clued to head and you can swim and take shower with them. Then other option is to make plastic surgery to remove scar. And then you can get some tan on your head so it looks natural and healthy. Also there are tattoo that looks like hair.And then there is hair transplants.

And then there are girls who dont care how you look they just want your D.

[CleanCut]

Thanks pcmaster, but not sure what I can do at this point and hair transplants aren't an option since I'll probably have to have this series of treatments again in the future that would just kill it off again and I'm definitely not going to do a toupee or tattoo, as that would even further damage my little remaining confidence.

I really doubt any woman would ever accept me now as women are extremely superficial and since I tried hard for 3 years with no physical flaws and didn't find a decent girl to keep, chances are now I never will.

Well, my chances with women are certainly shot to hell now, but I wish you and everyone else the best of luck.

[pcmaster]

I think its guys who are superficial. Girls like confidence, adventurousness, and things like that. Sure looks helps, everything helps, but if you can compensate looks with other things. I never had a GF when I was looking great. Now when my looks are much worse than in my younger days I get most sucsess with girls cause I have experience and I put my effort where it counts the most.
Anyway now without hair you will save money on barber shop visits so spend that saved money to look good. Invest in yourself.

Funny story Hooo but makes sense.

Dont remember when I talked about anal sex or numbers game. It cool to experience diferent girls but Im not trying to increase my number.

You remind me a guy who said - Dont have to give compliments to girls. Its better to tell them - fck you.

[CleanCut]

Thanks for trying to make me feel better pcmaster, but I'm pretty sure I'm dead and buried as far as dating goes anyways since I'm not able to look the way I want to anymore which completely destroys the part of my personal confidence that is required to date. I might look into that surgery for scar removal though once my incision heals all the way as that is certainly the worst part of it.

Thanks

[pcmaster]

Well man I have scars too. Like 5 years ago got in accident and have 11 stiches in my head. Now years later it looks better, noticeable mostly when I cut my hair short. Anyway it was harder to get over scars on my face since everythime I saw myself in the mirror it reminded me how stupid I was by getting into accident. Didnt had much confidence before accident and after it I was thinking just like you - that girls are past. But now Im more confident than before and scars are not so visible. Also I have accepted myself and started to love myself the way I am. Also success with girls gave me confidence and I realized Im not such a monster as I was thinking I am.

Also dont play looks game. No matter how hot you look you will want a girl hotter than you. You cant win.(refference https://youtu.be/x-wHJB7fJLQ )

Sure at this stage its normal that you think the way you think. But Like I said scars will heal and so your confidence and self love and self acceptance. Thats the most important thing with girl - accept yourself and your past, who you are and if its not a problem for you it wont be a problem for a girl.

The hardest part will be accepting cancer. But when you do you start to live again and have a second life, even better than previous. Its okay to feel bitter and such. This is just a stage.

In the end its gona be okay and if its not okay its not the end. John Lenon.

[CleanCut]

Funny thing is that I was able to accept the cancer and shortened life span much easier than this sudden and ugly hair loss.

Thanks for sharing your story, it does make me feel a little better.