Hatred

[lesa]

So basically the reason she cannot find one particular reason for the breakup is because there was multiple factors that added up which outweighed her desire to be with you? That's probably the best answer you may come up with. It hard to explain emotions and that's probably why she is inconsistent. There wasn't enough desire/attraction for her to want to keep you two together.

[Cain]

So basically the reason she cannot find one particular reason for the breakup is because there was multiple factors that added up which outweighed her desire to be with you? That's probably the best answer you may come up with.

So it seems. But I'm not even convinced of that. But they change every time I talk about it.

For example, she says that I'm not social enough, and she bases that on the fact that I don't go out much when I'm home. But we always went out during the visits... we were rarely ever home. There were times I had to suggest we go out and she wanted to stay in.

Then she said that I wasn't as social to her friends and that she has this thing in her mind of where she can be good friends with my friends and I can be good friends with hers. I was social to the ones I knew, but I guess she expected me to act like best buddies with people I was actually meeting for the first time.

Then she said that when we were at the bar I was glued to her hip... which is also funny, because I would walk to a railing near the dance floor and stand there while we were talking with her friends and she would come lean up against me. But it was me that was glued to her. When we were walking through the crowd once, she saw some girls that were wearing some slutty clothing and she immediately grabbed my hand and got closer... but I was the one glued to her.

She said that I wanted to kiss her all of the time. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. If I don't kiss her, I'm not showing affection and she'll want to kiss me anyways. If I do kiss her, she doesn't want to stop and then when we're done she'll say something like, "I love kissing you. I could lay here all day and do nothing but kiss you."

This is what I'm talking about. All of these extra reasons stemmed from me telling her that I was social when we went out, even being the one to suggest it. So because of that, she had to try to bring up more reasons for it. She didn't even deny that she was holding on to me and kissing me just as much if not more than I was with her. But her only excuse was, "looking back.. I just realize I didn't like it."

She's too inconsistent, like I've been saying.

[Cain]

It hard to explain emotions and that's probably why she is inconsistent. There wasn't enough desire/attraction for her to want to keep you two together.

She definitely could have fooled me... and most of her friends/family. The way she was around me, whether we were alone or with other people, was definitely that of someone that was strongly attracted physically and emotionally. If she lost that desire/attraction a long time ago and was still able to keep it up, she really needs to get into Hollywood.

And if that's the case, I feel sorry for any guys that she ends up with. She really might need the drama in her life for her to want to keep the desire up.

[lesa]

Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

You got that right!

Damn, this may be her real personality with any male. She's a classic drama queen.

[Cain]

You got that right!

Damn, this may be her real personality with any male. She's a classic drama queen.

I understand that most of you must think I'm just a lunatic for letting this bother me as much as it has. I'm sure most of you look at this whole situation and think, "man, she's moved on. Can't you see that?" The only thing that I ask is that you all read through everything and actually think about what I'm saying. I'm not ruling any possibility out. She very well may have gotten over me months ago and just now had the balls to finally break it off. Maybe this other guy was able to make her feel sure of her decision. The problem is that I don't, nor do I ever think I will know.

I can see this both ways. She could be over me or she could be trying to push me away even if the feelings are still there. Some of you say that if she had the desire to stay with me, we'd be together no matter what. The problem is that some people can't handle the distance. In fact, most people can't handle the distance. If she can't, she'd want to push me away and try to find something local to take her mind off things.

It's stupid that this situation happened, but it will either allow me to move on and find something better or if we do get back together, it'll be stronger... because I'm not getting back with her unless we see a therapist and we don't have to deal with distance... so two years at the very earliest.

The only thing I have to decide now is whether I want to try to keep in contact in the mean time. I've been thinking that we definitely shouldn't talk at all for a few months and maybe I should do what I did when we first started talking... talk for a day or two and then not speak for a month.

[Cain]

Am I the only one that sees the different things that could be going on here?

Am I the only one that thinks she's just making up reasons to try to justify it?

EDIT: Oh, and here's a gem. According to her, when we were together, I made her happy. When we were together, she was happy, but she'd be unhappy when we were apart. Unhappy with herself I guess. Apparently, she always wakes up happy now that she's with this other guy. I apparently didn't make her feel good about herself... lol... yet I'm the only guy that she's ever been with that has actually told her that she was beautiful, gorgeous, and sexy. When I said those things while looking in her eyes, she'd start to cry and want to kiss me. But... I didn't make her happy... lol

[lesa]

I understand that most of you must think I'm just a lunatic for letting this bother me as much as it has. I'm sure most of you look at this whole situation and think, "man, she's moved on. Can't you see that?"

Anyone who has ever had a serious relationship would NOT think you are a lunatic for your feelings. If they did then they never loved a person. Serious relationships are called an emotional investment for a reason. Most probably fully understand what you are going through right now. If they wrote their story here then you would be amazed. My stories could be printed as a book with several editions. Anyone completely disagreeing either never broke up, never loved, never cared, or was very careless in their serious relationship.

When it comes to love and emotions we all have an interesting story.

[ecojeanne]

Anyone who has ever had a serious relationship would NOT think you are a lunatic for your feelings. If they did then they never loved a person. Serious relationships are called an emotional investment for a reason. Most probably fully understand what you are going through right now. If they wrote their story here then you would be amazed. My stories could be printed as a book with several editions. Anyone completely disagreeing either never broke up, never loved, never cared, or was very careless in their serious relationship.

When it comes to love and emotions we all have an interesting story.

totally agree lesa, before my ex i never knew what love was.

[Cain]

Anyone who has ever had a serious relationship would NOT think you are a lunatic for your feelings. If they did then they never loved a person. Serious relationships are called an emotional investment for a reason. Most probably fully understand what you are going through right now. If they wrote their story here then you would be amazed. My stories could be printed as a book with several editions. Anyone completely disagreeing either never broke up, never loved, never cared, or was very careless in their serious relationship.

When it comes to love and emotions we all have an interesting story.

I know that through all of this, I still love her and I don't see that ending anytime soon. I've to be strong through it all and have some self-discipline. I've decided that I'm going to follow through with the no contact for a few months. I'll probably send her a message on Christmas just wishing her happy holidays... and then we'll probably do no contact for a little while longer.

I would eventually like to try and be friends with her if possible. In a few years, after we're both older and more mature in life, maybe we'll have different perspectives on what happened to us.

[lesa]

Am I the only one that sees the different things that could be going on here?

Am I the only one that thinks she's just making up reasons to try to justify it?

EDIT: Oh, and here's a gem. According to her, when we were together, I made her happy. When we were together, she was happy, but she'd be unhappy when we were apart. Unhappy with herself I guess. Apparently, she always wakes up happy now that she's with this other guy. I apparently didn't make her feel good about herself... lol... yet I'm the only guy that she's ever been with that has actually told her that she was beautiful, gorgeous, and sexy. When I said those things while looking in her eyes, she'd start to cry and want to kiss me. But... I didn't make her happy... lol

That sounds like she just wants ANY man as long as he is near her 24/7. It sounds like she has issues with separation.

[Cain]

That sounds like she just wants ANY man as long as he is near her 24/7. It sounds like she has issues with separation.

Well, he's not that local to her either. He's from her hometown.. or near her hometown.. which is about two hours away from school. But this way, she can go home every other weekend like she did before we got together and see her parents and this guy.

Like I said, I think the distance played a big part in this and I'd like for us to have a shot at things under normal circumstances... without distance.

[Gigabitch]

That sounds like a good plan.

Hey, you tried, right? At least it didn't fall apart because you didn't try or because you did something terrible. Self-respect is very valuable and it will make getting over her that much easier.

:hugs Cain:

[Cain]

That sounds like a good plan.

Hey, you tried, right? At least it didn't fall apart because you didn't try or because you did something terrible. Self-respect is very valuable and it will make getting over her that much easier.

:hugs Cain:

She keeps telling me that it wasn't anything that I did wrong. For some reason, it doesn't really help me the way it should.

I feel helpless... knowing that there's nothing I can do to make this situation better. Talking to her does nothing. As long as she doesn't let me have a visit with her, there's no way to actually get the feelings to resurface.

I really am hoping that this guy breaks her heart and causes her to change her opinion on relationships. I think she thinks that they should be a lot more perfect than they are. There are differences in our personalities, but she thinks that means we shouldn't be together. She, I think, thinks that two people need to be the same person. I'm tired of her telling me that we're just different people and that we don't compliment each other well and then only giving me a few reasons when I ask. And every time I ask for more she just says, "we just are!"

I hope that life experiences open her eyes.

[lesa]

I know that through all of this, I still love her and I don't see that ending anytime soon. I've to be strong through it all and have some self-discipline. I've decided that I'm going to follow through with the no contact for a few months. I'll probably send her a message on Christmas just wishing her happy holidays... and then we'll probably do no contact for a little while longer.

I would eventually like to try and be friends with her if possible. In a few years, after we're both older and more mature in life, maybe we'll have different perspectives on what happened to us.

Wow, that sounds like my relationship with my ex. We are 'distance friends' and we do (or at least I have a different perspective on relationships because I was clueless as he was my first and I sabotaged it). I matured a lot since the break up. If we ever get back together (I doubt it lol) it would truly be a different relationship with a different person feeling. I have moved on but to be friends with an ex is interesting because not many people want to be just friends...they would rather be enemies. Oh, but that depends on the relationship before the breakup. You and I seem to have had a breakup that didn't involve cheating, abuse, or other horrific deal breakers.

[Cain]

Wow, that sounds like my relationship with my ex. We are 'distance friends' and we do (or at least I have a different perspective on relationships because I was clueless as he was my first and I sabotaged it). I matured a lot since the break up. If we ever get back together (I doubt it lol) it would truly be a different relationship with a different person feeling. I have moved on but to be friends with an ex is interesting because not many people want to be just friends...they would rather be enemies. Oh, but that depends on the relationship before the breakup. You and I seem to have had a breakup that didn't involve cheating, abuse, or other horrific deal breakers.

There was no cheating as far as I know. I'm a little interested on the situation with this guy, though. She claims that when we broke up, they were just friends and hadn't even talked about dating, but I'm not so sure. I can either choose to believe her or not, but it's a big coincidence to me that she started to hang out with this guy during the summer and then we broke up and within a month they are dating.

But yeah, there was no deal breaker that led to the break up. It'll be hard for me, of course. I don't know if it'll be hard for her. I will want to be more than just friends, but I don't want to go years without contact. If we're going to have a chance, we need to be able to stay in contact as friends randomly while time passes. Hopefully, being friends can help our relationship in the future if it's going to come again.

If things with her and another guy get more serious, such as engagement or marriage, I'll have to back off because I can't be just friends with her with no chance that we'll ever get back together.