The "Nice Boy" Syndrome

[qwertz]

Just cause a guy lacks self confidence doesnt make him a loser.

As for 'nice' girls, it depends on the definition of 'nice.

Im average looking, and often get the 'nice' label from my friends(by nice they mean just that, im an angel compared to them, and other women my age)

[shheadz]

Im average looking, and often get the 'nice' label from my friends(by nice they mean just that, im an angel compared to them, and other women my age)

Right.. but that's not really the question. The whole reason we're even talking about this is because some women think "nice guys" are unattractive. So I'm wondering if the reverse is true. Is it possible for a woman to be so nice that a man would lose his attraction for her? I personally don't think so.

[misombra]

this argument is so played out already.

[starbuck]

this argument is so played out already.

Yeah I figured it was just a matter of time before the girl-hate started.

[qwertz]

Right.. but that's not really the question. The whole reason we're even talking about this is because some women think "nice guys" are unattractive. So I'm wondering if the reverse is true. Is it possible for a woman to be so nice that a man would lose his attraction for her? I personally don't think so.

nice guys are definately not unattractive to me, but clingy guys with zero self esteem are.
I dont want a doormat either.

[vashti]

Right.. but that's not really the question. The whole reason we're even talking about this is because some women think "nice guys" are unattractive. So I'm wondering if the reverse is true. Is it possible for a woman to be so nice that a man would lose his attraction for her? I personally don't think so.

I'm not a male, but I think a nice, mousy, shy, apologetic, insecure girl would have similar problems attracting a male. Healthy people do not want to spend all their time trying to improve someone else's poor self esteem (unless they are getting paid). It's just too much work.

[lahnnabell]

I agree that overly-sensitive men can be a turn off. I dated one a few years back, and very quickly left him when I met a guy that was far more self-confident. I dated the "nice guy" because 1. I was on the rebound, sadly. 2. He was sweet and sensitive, a big change from my emotionally abusive bipolar ex.

Problem was I got bored really fast. He was very attentive when we were together, but was always voicing his concerns that he wasn't concentrating enough on work. Worrying about work, saying he wish he had more time. I told him, "So, make more time." Not to mention it made me feel crappy that he would constantly tell me he had a tough time trying to pencil me in. The guy was 26 too, so he wasn't a baby.

I realized I made a good decision in breaking up with him when he texted me post-break up about how never being able to get a girlfriend made him want to kill himself. Ugh. He called me the next day to apologize and explain that he'd been drinking. I was sympathetic, but firm in the way that I asked him to leave me alone from then on.

[BoredGeorge]

Girls need to figure out that : being nice to boys will make them like you but boys being nice to girls will not do the same.

[CocoChanel]

Wronggggggg. Being an Insecure, Clingy, Needy and Over-Sensitive guy will not make women like you. It's a turn off unless they are just as fcuked up as you are.

[shheadz]

I'm not a male, but I think a nice, mousy, shy, apologetic, insecure girl would have similar problems attracting a male. Healthy people do not want to spend all their time trying to improve someone else's poor self esteem (unless they are getting paid). It's just too much work.

Hey! I like nice, mousy, shy girls! I was really talking about physical attraction. Women that are physically attractive can get away with anything. Including being too nice, or too much of a b!tch. I'm not sure the reverse is true.

[CocoChanel]

Hey! I like nice, mousy, shy girls! I was really talking about physical attraction. Women that are physically attractive can get away with anything. Including being too nice, or too much of a b!tch. I'm not sure the reverse is true.

Whoa Whoa Whoa. That's not true. Not all women who are physically attractive get away with anything.

[IndiReloaded]

Whoa Whoa Whoa. That's not true. Not all women who are physically attractive get away with anything.

But a LOT do. Especially if they are attractive AND smart. I know, I was one of those girls. I got away with having guys bow to the Temple of Me for years.

[Gribble]

Pretty girls can get away with anything... if they know how to find the right guy.

[irrelevant_89]

Bah. I'd love to find a "nice, mousy, shy, apologetic, insecure girl". Every time she would feel bad about herself and need reassurance I'd just hold her in my arms and say "it's ok, dear. You know you are the best girl in the world, don't you? <33"

*sob*

I guess CocoChanel is right, f**ked up guys need f**ked up girls and vice-versa.

[CocoChanel]

Only if she is manipulative and/or uses her looks to get what she wants. Not all pretty girls do that. Sometimes men offer but its up to her to accept or decline.

Irrelevant:

Bah. I'd love to find a "nice, mousy, shy, apologetic, insecure girl". Every time she would feel bad about herself and need reassurance I'd just hold her in my arms and say "it's ok, dear. You know you are the best girl in the world, don't you? <33"

If she was insecure upon starting the relationship there is a chance she is "nice, mousy and shy" because she insecure. If you were aware of it you might be suffering from White Knight Syndrome. If she wasn't this way entering the relationship and the insecurity developed later on in the relationship... it may be a little different.